synchronicity (part 3)

Before CoVID, my plans were to relocate to Asia and explore what the culture, people and random experiences had to offer. As we are getting back to a new normal, I knew it was time to write my next chapter. The months in Asia were healing to my soul, but as I was told, Asia is my place to recharge but it isn't my 'home'. 

In seeing the amalgamation of past partners in synchronicity (part 2), I knew it was the final molt for many recurring themes, and in the honor of self-love, I intentionally put her into hibernation to focus on deep connections and community, with the Earth, with my love ones, with my pup ... and for once, creating a 'home' rather than searching to belong. After months of house hunting and exploring many possibilities, the universe somehow felt it was time and showed an opportunity that made the dream of community become real. On the eve of the close, I am overwhelmed with excitement, yet with all the coordination to get things lined up for the close, I was struck with the knowing that the excitement was not solely pinpointed to Cary.

It has been almost 20 years, and catching up with an ex-colleague was a great distraction from the hustle and bustle of the pre-close activities. He's European so the offer of his hand to shake had me giggling inside, a reminder of my progress in the art of hugs (moments that matter (part 4)). Individually, I believe our comportments and discussions did not belie the intent of the get-together. As we were walking out, though, the energy made me feel as if it was more, perhaps I was just excited to have an intellectual conversation, something my brain had been craving.

For a few months, my body has felt 'off'. I couldn't quite place the source, but when I got my package from Agent Provocateur, for the first time, I wasn't excited about trying anything on, so for months, they have sat in the box in my bathroom, untouched. Today, I felt inspired and once the bejeweled set touched my skin and clasped around my neck, it was like being bound with the familiarity of shibari (saudade (part 5)). Waves of energy rushed over me, knowing that the 'off' was her crying to be seen and not hidden (hide 'n seek). Like a snake coiled up in my belly, it felt as if my kundalini was rousing.

Rather than the 'snippets' throughout the years (self-love), it feels a lot as if I'm looking into the mirror, down to our appreciation of twilight, and for the first time, the reflection back is how I see myself, truly being seen and understood (taxing time, saudade (part 4), and self-love). A forever wanting yet the foreign feeling felt a bit scary, that "should be comforting and arousing". When he noted that I "just [wasn't] ready back then 🤣", it made me think of the timing of twin flames and the concept of separations. From the ache that is still in my belly, that I still can't seem to exorcise even hours later, it's clear that she is looking forward to 'Christian Grey' and the Red Room (laying on of hands).