violet goddess

In a moment of firsts, I was looking forward to spending Christmas with the eyes of a child with rainbow kaleidoscope glasses, watching the radiant sun, cottony clouds, bluest sky, undulating waves and briskly palm trees turn into the glowing moon, twinkling stars and roaring tides as we walked the shores of Cabo San Lucas. When we saw the notice that the luggage had been searched and the bare vial, our hearts dropped. In an attempt to salvage my wish, he diluted the vial with water for me to empty the contents.

Within minutes, my body was taken through whorls of vibrant purples, magentas and fuchsias of fractals and mandalas by a dark-headed goddess. Those who witnessed my short journey in blast off likened my undulations to be an extended stay of a similar journey. Not understanding where it was taking me, I just wanted it to stop as I was spent.

By today, we realized that what appeared to be barren had only had the alcoholic medium evaporate, and my second experience with the medicine was enough for three. While the goddess guided me through visuals that my eyes and mind had never seen, my muscle-fatigued body was ready to get off her tour, not quite understanding her message.

blast off

The 'God molecule' can be found in numerous plant species and at least one toad species. Trace amounts have also been produced endogenously in humans, perhaps in the pineal and retina. From my recent experience with psychedelics (sweet as sugar), I had some reservations as to the effects on me, especially as the shaman had noted that it is a very individual experience. However, as I interacted with many who came out of the ceremonies over the last couple of days, the one common denominator was the 'positive' vibes and 'no regrets' emanating from everyone.

My goal was to count to 20, but at two, it was as if I was at full throttle, going at light speed through the universe. The moans seemed distant and from pain or release. Yet, I did not feel any negativity. Was it orgasmic or torment? I felt a whisper in my left ear that I could not make out. Eventually the moans stopped, and waves and vibrations took over my body. While I was present in the room, with the music and conversations, my body was paralyzed, other than the constant vibrations radiating throughout.

I had no memories of the universe, God, love, goddess, etc. that others recollected. However, I was told that I laid back, arms spread out, still and with a smile on my face as if I was in bliss. The moans did not come from me, but from the other person sharing space with my experience, and somehow I shared in his journey. While I was not oozing with some ethereal glow from my journey, I also was not disappointed but rather left wondering what the message was for me.

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Update December 24, 2019:

It was him who whispered in my left ear with the message of 'I love you', or so he says...

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Update February 9, 2019:

Hoping to vary my experiences, so that I would not channel others experience, I tried a solo journey. The medicine was same-same but different, and I had time to lay down gently before traveling at warp speed. While still not having any conscious memories, I maintained the position of bliss. The journey back ventured into waves and vibrations, feeling as if the violet goddess was back as my tour guide. The music made the vibrations ever so potent, resulting in more muscle fatigue.

sweet as sugar

The miracle berry (synsepalum dulcificum) grows in Africa and contains a glycoprotein molecule called miraculin, which binds to the taste buds, resulting in sour things to taste sweet. Ironically, the berry is low in sugar content. For the winter solstice, it seemed fitting to throw a 'flavor tripping' party for a friend's birthday party, introducing the miracle berry to discerning taste buds.

My first experience with psychedelics (11:11 (part 11)) was a growth experience for me. Although the night was meant to be a 'flavor-tripping' shindig, I found myself having my own 'miracle tripping' with highs of some of the most stimulating visuals of sacred geometry and vivid colors to lows of hibernating in a fetal position. It was a long night, unfolding myself from the womb to realizations of my experiences mirroring my internal dilemma. What was initially my frustration with my inability to help others who do not want to help themselves was a reflection of my frustration with my inability to help my Self.

That night, it occurred to me that every experience and person that I manifest in my life is a mirror to my soul. It was a difficult lesson to grasp, even more so to put into practice in every moment. Yet when two new friends came in to check in on me, I was so touched by their grace, thoughtfulness and kindness, knowing that I had manifested them to help unfold me petal by petal to bloom in the security and confidence I needed to get me out of my shell.

I missed the entire flavor-tripping portion of the night but as dawn creeped upon me, an experience that started sour began to taste a lot sweeter as my plant medicine wore off, leaving me with the dew of the lesson unfolding before me.

a frog's kiss

The waxy giant leaf or monkey frog (Phyllomedusa bicolor) is a bright green tree frog, native to the Amazon basin, whose waxy secretion has been used for its powerful emetic or purgative effects. Kambo, named after the shaman Kampu who learned about the medicine from a forest spirit to heal his tribe, has been used to eliminate toxin, increase strength and stamina, or dispersing negative energy. Thought to emit a light green glow to attract prey, it is also used to aid in hunting to reduce need for sustenance and minimize the human scent.

While the frogs are not great at hopping, they have adapted to their environment, such as climbing trees and producing the secretion which protects them from drastic temperature changes and predators. They are listed on the Least Concern on the International Union for Conservation of Nature's (IUCN) Red List. The secretion is 40 times more potent than morphine or microbicides and peptides that could help prevent HIV transmission, as well as inhibit cancer cell growth. It is also known to treat chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, herpes, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's, depression, hepatitis, diabetes, menopause and a host of other ailments.

As with any 'healing medicine', the results vary by person and usually provides what the person needs at that moment. Preparation required fasting all day and intake of lots of water. I was not prepared for the copious amounts of water, which resulted in my body having the shakes. The medicine is applied onto gates upon the skin, created with a hot stick which causes the top layer of the skin to blister.

As the medicine moved throughout my body, it controlled my shakes while causing my body to intensely purge. The experience was very uncomfortable, practically hugging a bucket as there was no warning for the bile and toxins seeking refuge. The denouement were drops of the intense sting of sananga to the eyes. As part of the ceremony, we returned our collective refuse to Pachamama underneath a cherry tree.

It is recommended to do kambo at least three times during a lunar cycle for the optimal results in removing toxins. However, after one session, for some, they were able to let go of some pent-up trauma. For me, it provided clarity and perspective for something that was plaguing me that day. For those in the ceremony, it was a shared experience that further connected each of us to each other and the universe. For a family that pukes together will always be connected with the dots, sealed with Dragon's Blood, signifying our badge of courage.

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Update February 19, 2019:

Perhaps due to the bountiful rain that has finally ended the 7-year drought, the cherry tree is in full bloom, after looking as if it had been on its last legs in the last few years. However, I am sure that the offerings we provided to the Mother were returned in the blessings of the beautiful blossoms on the cherry tree.

hamster wheel

Convincing my mother to allow me to adopt one of the newborns from my teacher's children's hamster's batch of babies was probably my first lesson in negotiation skills (full circle (part 6)). One of the traumas in my life was experiencing the death of Fuzzy, which similar to full circle (part 4) resulted in my mother never allowing us to have any more pets.

Fuzzy was a gentle and loving soul. He allowed us to hold him in the palm of our hands and fall asleep while we caressed him. In hindsight, I realized that when I needed to feel love or calmness in my life, I would pick him up and hold him in such a way. For a period of my life, he was love in a world of loneliness.

At some point, I wanted Fuzzy to explore the world (of our house). I convinced my parents to get him a clear ball rather than the hamster wheel in his cage for him to run around and see different things. Perhaps his gentle spirit and having Fuzzy be one of the family resulted in his trip to run errands with my siblings and parents that ended up in his final moments without me.

In the last few months, it seemed as if the universe was giving me signs of my growth and progress. Perhaps I got too confident in the experiences that were being manifested. In a moment of truth, I finally saw how he saw me in relation to others in his life, and realized that my progress may have been a hallucination for me to have manifested someone who made me feel 'unworthy' in his eyes when I know I am not so. I now understand how Fuzzy felt in that plastic ball that allowed him to see different things but yet the reality is that he is still caged in a hamster ball and not truly running free.