Convincing my mother to allow me to adopt one of the newborns from my teacher's children's hamster's batch of babies was probably my first lesson in negotiation skills (full circle (part 6)). One of the traumas in my life was experiencing the death of Fuzzy, which similar to full circle (part 4) resulted in my mother never allowing us to have any more pets.
Fuzzy was a gentle and loving soul. He allowed us to hold him in the palm of our hands and fall asleep while we caressed him. In hindsight, I realized that when I needed to feel love or calmness in my life, I would pick him up and hold him in such a way. For a period of my life, he was love in a world of loneliness.
At some point, I wanted Fuzzy to explore the world (of our house). I convinced my parents to get him a clear ball rather than the hamster wheel in his cage for him to run around and see different things. Perhaps his gentle spirit and having Fuzzy be one of the family resulted in his trip to run errands with my siblings and parents that ended up in his final moments without me.
In the last few months, it seemed as if the universe was giving me signs of my growth and progress. Perhaps I got too confident in the experiences that were being manifested. In a moment of truth, I finally saw how he saw me in relation to others in his life, and realized that my progress may have been a hallucination for me to have manifested someone who made me feel 'unworthy' in his eyes when I know I am not so. I now understand how Fuzzy felt in that plastic ball that allowed him to see different things but yet the reality is that he is still caged in a hamster ball and not truly running free.
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