beach angel

I have been independent for as long as I can remember. As a latch key kid, my mother would leave food on chairs so that we could reach it. Even as a small child in Vietnam, our dog would protect me with a neighbor checking up on me once in awhile, so my parents tell me. While a part of me would love to be taken care of one day, it is ingrained in me not to rely on such.

So once in a blue moon, I am taken aback by little gestures that fall into that category. Sometimes, I am glad for the background that I have that still makes me very appreciative when those moments pop up and bring a bit of happiness in my life. A gentleman, who spent less than 24 hours with me almost a decade ago, not only met me at the airport to pick me up but also dropped me off and hung out with me while I was waiting for my flight a couple of years back. Living in New York where most do not have access to cars, it isn't common for people to pick others up or drop them off. After 9/11, most would just do curbside dropoff and pickup in other cities. So even though we barely remembered what each other looked like, it was a sweet surprise to see him at the airport rather than getting an address for the taxi to drop me off.

New York has also taught me city-sense, which enables me to travel the world on my own and navigate with street smarts. It doesn't even occur to me that it is not safe for a single woman to venture certain parts of certain cities alone as I never had problems riding the subway at 4 am in the Big Apple. Initially, when the driver for the hotel shuttle to Patong Beach offered to show me a good place to have dinner after dropping a group of hotel guests off at our meeting point, I didn't think anything beyond the fact that he seemed to have some difficulty in showing me where we were on the map and that it would take some time to give me directions. During the conversation, he had asked me what I wanted to do and I had, of course, said I had no plans and wanted to see where life took me tonight.

So I was a bit surprised to see when he showed me the beach dive that he recommended for food and kept driving past it. After asking where I wanted to initially go, he not only went in to help me in case there were language barriers but also waited over an hour for me. The patroness asked if my driver was going to meet me and I had said I think he was just dropping me off, yet there he was, waiting outside when I walked out. I asked him to join me for dinner and he refused, but despite me taking a stroll along the beach, he was there when I was ready to go to the next place. Bangla Road was my final stop, and since there was no place to easily drop me off, he tried to find a parking spot. I asked him to just point me in the general direction and I would be fine.

Even though I detoured and navigated a few stalls on my way to my destination, he found me. An unassuming sort of fella that always stood in the background, whether in front or behind me or just waiting outside while I had a drink or did my thing. He spent the entire night being my guardian angel. If karma does exist, he should be well taken care of in his life. He even insisted in helping me carry my purchases and while he gave me back my shopping bag before he went to get the car, he handed me another bag and said it was a present for me (a tank top) to remember Phuket. Lo and behold, my guardian angel knows me so well!

that's a-mores!

Thailand is known for its sex tourism, but technically, prostitution is illegal, well at least the solicitation of it. Despite this, the industry is monitored and regulated. One of its many contradictory sexual mores.

I was told that the government instituted a type of training for women performing at the ping pong shows a few years ago in order to increase the entertainment factor for tourists. There have been a number of government officials who openly either own or have relatives that own massage parlors and go-go bars. As noted in werd up!, the type of Buddhism that is practiced in Thailand preaches tolerance and karma (paying for past sins), thereby social stigma for prostitutes as witnessed in other countries is not so extreme in Thailand.

Imagine my surprise to find out that porn sites are blocked in Thailand because it 'could have an effect on or be against the security of the Kingdom, public order or good morals'. So while Vietnam blocks facebook, porn sites are not viewed as security or morals issues. I've had my fill of facebook in Thailand but the other sites just adds to the contradictory sexual mores of this country.

unanswered prayers

As I was sunbathing in the nude today, it occurred to me that either my body is growing on me or I'm growing into it. As a child, I was the 'ugly' daughter - my mother told me that I was fat and ugly. We have gotten way past any mental issues this caused and have reconciled it all. Regardless, I have always liked walking around in the buff. Given my propensity for natural light, this meant au natural for all to see, if they had wanted to. Clothing is usually one of the last items I put on when getting ready.

We, especially women, all have body parts that we can criticize. In my early 20s, it seemed as if this list couldn't get any bigger. At some point in my life, my complaints included:

• birthmark on my hand
• full lips
• big forehead
• wavy hair
• short
• small breasts
• big nipples
• flat butt
• big butt
• nails that were tough to bite
• crooked teeth
• overbite
• big nose

However, life experiences have taught me otherwise:

• The birthmark, which is now fading, taught me my right from my left.
• Who doesn't want Angelina Jolie lips? They are kissable after all.
• Either my head got bigger or my forehead got smaller - it doesn't quite seem so gargantuan.
• Wavy hair gives me the option to easily go straight or curly and gives body as hair thins with age.
• While I still wouldn't mind being a few inches taller, being petite has its advantages at times - flexibility with various positions plus I have more options with men, as most, if not all, are taller. Besides, I've been with men who are 6'3" and 6'5" so it hasn't really limited me from tall, dark and handsome. 😏
• At least I don't have to deal with back pains or droopiness as I age...plus while I have thought about enhancements, I wouldn't trade the sensitivity of these buggers any day.
• The stretch marks remind me of the 'grass is greener' syndrome of wanting a big vs. small bottom, which was all dependent on societal popularity at different points in time. It's all about proportions any way.
• I quickly gave up nail biting once I realized the effort it took. Nowadays, people insist that I have fake nails and are amazed that I would continue to cut them. Trust me, they grow back...way too fast.
• My jaw has shifted or something but my smile just adds to the youthful glow, crooked teeth and all.
• My nose allows me to get in enough air that I don't have a habit of snoring. The nostrils don't seem to be as big anymore, similar to the forehead. But in the last few years, I've been asked whether I have gotten a nose job, including from someone this past weekend, who commented that I have a pretty nose. Just shows you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and the part of the world you are in.

A friend recently remarked to me: I do find it interesting that you quickly characterize "a bit uneven, a little rough around the edges, slightly unrefined, and mysteriously unpredictable" as flattery. His initial comments were in relation to my personality but like my looks, I actually think uniqueness is flattery and never found 'the girl next door' as anything to hoot and holler about - wouldn't that make one less memorable?

So God, Mother Nature or whatever other higher power is out there had a better plan than I gave her credit for. She knew that like good wine, it gets better as it ages. I like when I'm tanned and at my current weight (which is the same weight as my 'freshman 15' and the highest I've ever been - things just shifted). While individually, my complaints had merit, in combination, the sum turned out to be better than its parts. My 30s taught me to be comfortable in my own skin - perhaps a bit too much. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the only beholder that should matter is the individual looking in the mirror.

china anniversary

A friend who promotes for various bars and nightclubs in HCMC got us tickets to the 20th anniversary celebration of Apocalypse Now (known as Apo). It is one of those seedy places where nobody likes but everyone goes to. It's an institution that just needs to be experienced - at least once. As someone noted, you have to be drunk to be amused, which is why it usually doesn't pick up until after midnight as one of, if not, the last stomping ground after a long night.

It is definitely a place for tourists, sexpats and local pros to congregate. The first floor is where the pros hang out, but even the second floor has a number of them staking their territories. I find it amusing listening to some of the male expat conversations about the pick-up opportunities in these places. They tend to criticize men who pick up the pros; however, don't quite see the irony that the woman they just went home with is a pro although she called herself a 'model' - she just didn't charge them because of their looks or white skin. All the drinks they paid for these women is another form of payment. Yet somehow there's a difference that my simple mind just doesn't understand.

While there may be variety and the abundance ensures a different one each night, I find it doubtful that the drunkened state of all parties calls for responsible protection. An Irish chap that has been living in Asia for over a decade noted that Asia is the 2nd highest after Africa when it comes to HIV/AIDS. While I don't know whether that is true or not, it sure does give one pause in pursuing opportunities here. It is difficult to distinguish one of these sexpats from a regular expat (e.g., Irish friend has only had two long-term relationships while in Asia), as some of them have made an art out of such clandestine activities.

The party perhaps had a thousand in attendance, as I've been to Apo a number of times when it's been really crowded but this one topped all those times. They had lucky draws, of which one set was for those with VIP cards. VIP cards are usually given out to those who spend a lot of money at the establishment or based on connections. My promoter friend was talking to a woman at the next table who had a silver/platinum VIP card, which he noted later was higher status than his. I'm pretty sure by observation of her table over the night that she has never had to spend a cent (or rather dong) at Apo. =)

anisoptera papilionoidea

While I did a lot of thinking and research into the meaning of my tattoo, the actual design was a bit impromptu because the ones that my sister had drawn up for me were too complicated for an actual tat. So my dragonfly has butterfly antennas, which a friend has appropriately termed 'anisoptera papilionoidea'. I thought about getting it corrected while I was here; however, coincidentally, as the same friend pointed out later, my tat is unique - one of a kind.

Hoi An is a coastal town that is well known for its numerous vendors that make custom clothes and shoes within 24 hours. Although we had lists of recommendations from friends, my friend and I haphazardly navigated towards the same store over and over again. Within a 3-day period, we would stop by at least twice, usually for fittings or some other follow-up, which would result in an additional purchase each time. Another friend went with us on subsequent trips as her curiosity got the best of her, and she ended up making purchases over two trips.

It was amazing how quickly they were able to turn around hand painted silk designs. Any mistake may require a whole new silk canvas. We got to meet the designer who was working with a customer in designing her wedding dress. Not only were the designs and colors fantastic, but the 'one of a kind'-ness of each piece was the appeal for us.

Our friend who was a late convert to the shopping extravaganza remarked to others that the shop must have great feng shui. That may be the case but my explanation for the six pieces I got was that the store was my kindred spirit. While Papillon Noir is French for black butterfly, its logo was a butterfly with a dragonfly tail. Unique in its own way, but an anisoptera papilionoidea, nonetheless.

a box of crayons

I have encountered a number of people in my life who see life in what they believe are very simple terms - in black and white. For someone to be right, the other person has to be wrong. If I say I am trying, that must imply that you are not. I was raised Baptist where I learned that if you're not going to heaven, then you are damned in hell. But if life was that simple, I imagine that it would be very boring if all we saw were colored in black or white.

There are occasions where a black and white photo looks classic and vintage, but the ability to distinguish between pink, cotton candy, magenta and fuschia, while subtle, enable us to see the diversity in the hues. Isn't that what makes life exciting after all? If I see fuschia and someone else sees magenta, it just means we have different lenses from which we view the world.

I recently got into a disagreement with someone whose black and white style reminded me much of my ex. I have learned not to judge people because I do not walk in their shoes. Sometimes black isn't so black but a darker shade of gray. A mistake could be a simple mistake without anyone being at fault - even the Bible, Koran, etc. are meant to be interpreted, and fanatics are just as apt to quote from such scriptures to support their actions.

Tonight, I was reminded of something someone once told me about mistakes here in Vietnam. Perhaps in a future post (stone skipping (part 1)), I will comment on the work culture but for the most part, many follow specific directions rather than rely on common sense for fear of being reprimanded and punished for mistakes. I have been told that wait staff and bartenders are penalized for mistakes with deductions in their pay. When there are a lot of drunks and aggressive foreigners, it is difficult and not worth the effort to debate on who caused the mistake. 

Our waitress was a trainee. She confirmed with us whether my friend had previously ordered from someone else, which quite frankly we had thought it was her. The manager confirmed the order as well since she was a trainee and another waitress came over to do the same. Somehow we shouldn't have been surprised that two of the same dish were brought out. She kindly took it back without arguments but when my friend commented that it was ok because it would be deducted from her pay, I was reminded what I've been told before.

The kitchen told her that since she put in the last of the two orders, it was her mistake. I'm not sure what caused the misunderstanding and who put in the first order but I also know it wasn't entirely her fault. I asked her to get the dish and that I would order it if she had to pay for a mistake that wasn't hers or ours. My friend asked why I did that, and my response was simple, 'it is the right thing to do'. At least I got to try out a new dish - steak & ale.

the killing fields

We have all heard about the Holocaust; however, in my naivete, I didn't realize that The Killing Fields was anything other than a fictional movie in the 1980s. After the Vietnam War ended, the Khmer Rouge Regime under Pol Pot executed almost 3 million (based on estimates) out of 7-8 million people in Cambodia during a 3-4 year period. While I still don't understand the motivation behind it all, the objective of Pol Pot was to create an urban classless society, including a form of ethnic cleansing that included elimination of educated individuals.

Phnom Penh was cleared out in three days, as people were moved to rice farms, etc. to work the land. Some died of starvation and diseases. Many, primarily women and children, were executed by bashing their heads against trees that were saturated with blood. Others were killed with blunt objects like spades, leaving evidences of such atrocities in the skulls that were discovered. Buddhists believe that bodies should be located in positive environments so a stupa was built in Choeng Ek, one of the larger killing fields where it is estimated that almost 20,000 were executed, to house the almost 9,000 skulls that were discovered.

The bones and clothes have been carefully cleaned, preserved and documented for cause of death to the extent that it can be determined. Walking along the fields, there is a distinct smell that I could not determine the origins. It was not quite like what I noted in carpe diem after 9/11, but the memory came to mind. While the graves were shallow, the burials were very compact. It is common to this day that heavy rainfall may result in unearthing bones and clothing.

Visual signs of bones embedded in the earth

While she may be too young to remember much, a staff person that works with me recounted how her family would move relatives from village to village in order to erase history and any remnants of education, claiming to be peasants and taxi drivers. She also noted that in many cases, the regime would use peasant boys that were 10 to 13-years old to perform the executions of the emaciated humans. Even though she has relatives that were executed, she noted that her family has one relative that is still unaccounted for today, which they have assumed perished.

History is meant to be learned. Yet, it is baffling that it took almost thirty years for the United Nations to establish a genocide tribunal. The Khmer Rouge was also recognized as a legitimate government and had a seat at the UN up to 15 years after the genocide. The first prosecution occurred in 2010.

It was a bit ironic to drive back into town and see a huge banner above a major street that read something to the effect of 'education - a must for all children'.

double trouble

Gambling is prevalent in Vietnam; however, a law that only allows those with foreign passports to enter local casinos allow for plausible deniability (what's your sign?). Given its proximity, busloads of locals would travel to the casinos at the Cambodia border. Naga World is one such place in Phnom Penh. However, after perusing the casino floor, I soon discovered that there were no craps table to socialize. Fortunately, the spa was open until 3am, which even the king of sin cities (aka Las Vegas) doesn't even offer (well, not counting the rub & tug establishments). 

One of the services was a four-hand massage. The only other time I've experienced this was in Mexico. Definitely something that I couldn't pass up. The spa facilities were definitely something to write home about - caverns of rooms with individual steam showers, hot saunas, large bathtubs, beds and massage tables. It was a shame that I came alone as my immediate thought was that there were so many options for hours-long entertainment.

I opted for the 120 minutes session. I may have a small frame, but this body likes to be bruised when it comes to massages. Every crevice was worked on. A masseur once told me that there is a certain way to work on the lower back which would eventually result in a happy ending. In my travels, I haven't quite discovered this technique...yet. However, while the four hands didn't quite get me the happy ending, it was dang close. After three straight nights of partying until 2-3am, I sure slept like a baby!

shhhhhhhhooshhhhhhh

In a country where one can get bootleg DVDs of recent movies for the equivalent of less than 50 cents, it is easy to catch up on every movie or sitcom that you've ever wanted to see in the comforts of your own home. Yet there are certain movies that just need to be experienced on the big screen with a good tub of buttery popcorn - just don't forget to bring your earplugs and salt. As noted in the al fresco to go post, the South likes sweet so many times the salty buttery popcorn is no where to be found. Instead, they have popcorn covered with a sugary coating with no other flavors.

Vietnam is similar to China in its censorship. There was a protest against China and its quest to take over  South China Sea this weekend which the government made sure that all the local news outlets covered; however, certain international coverage were blocked when I tried to search for it on the internet. The censorship though seems quite random - porn is accessible but Facebook is not. For example, certain violent scenes in True Grit such as chopping off fingers made the cut but not shooting someone at close range.

Regardless of the big screen though, you are still in the comforts of a living room - just someone else's. People have no regard for general courtesy. Sometimes people read the subtitles out loud. Sometimes people are translating and/or explaining scenes for their movie mate but act as if the entire audience could also benefit from it as well. Sometimes people are having complete conversations with each other or on mobile phones that have nothing to do with the movie. As noted in got milk?, there seems to be a need to talk over the speakers. While amusing and bordering on offensive for its stereotype, sometimes I wonder if the PSA here is all that effective...

Perhaps they should consider what a theater back home (Alamo Drafthouse) did.

she said what?

Google translate is a cool application in concept, and I have it as a tool on my blog. Of course I have no idea how accurate the translation of the blog contents are in regards to other languages. But if the Vietnamese to English translation is any indication, it has to be pretty damn comical!

There are times that I've tried the site to translate some work emails, and after a number of references to monkeys and elephants, I quickly realized that it was useless and now have a "Vietnamese" folder that is equivalent of the junk folder where I file these emails. Vietnamese accent marks transform the same letters into vastly different meanings. For example, 'ma', depending on the accent marks that you use with those letters, could mean mother or ghost.

So when I see a text tonight after my poker night with the boys that says "Chi trang, ngay mai 10h hoac tranh thu gio nghi trua chi toi thu dam nha, vi sang mai 8h e may chua kip. nhan lai cho e biet nhe," I immediately get on to Google translate to see what it means. I haven't started Vietnamese class yet but based on an educated guess, I think it has something to do with some outfits that I'm getting made for a Moulin Rouge charity ball this weekend and need to go for a first fitting tomorrow morning.

One thing I am sure about is that the message isn't about dental dams as the translation notes:

Main page tomorrow 10 noon or avoid collecting information I collected dental dam, because tomorrow may not promptly e 8. Light to receive e biet.