me love you long time (part 3)

NYC may be the only place in the world where a 'never been married' single woman (i.e., almost cougar) does not cause consternation. Asking someone's age, salary and marital status are not taboo in Vietnam. So upon my arrival, I was not put off when the cab driver went through my rank and serial number.

Salary

While I have not directly been asked by strangers about my salary, I do get questions regarding other monetary matters, such as the purchase price of a house, and currently, rental budget. However, after being the recipient of the typical Asian mother guilt trip, I have previously disclosed such information to my parents - each time being burned when I find out that my mother somehow feels as if it is within her right to use that information as some 'boasting tool'.

Besides the obvious betrayal of confidences, I am of the belief that money does not define one's happiness or success, and personally, hate it when Asian parents do this 'cock strutting' maneuver, as it inevitably puts a lot of pressure on some other child that is constantly told that he/she should be 'more like so and so' rather than being whatever makes him/her happy and defining his/her own success. Needless to say, it's been a very, very long time since my parents have been privy to such information, not necessarily because I have this overarching innate sense of privacy but rather this passionate aversion to the unproductive uses of such information that results in negative outcomes (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)).

Age

I have never had a problem with my age. However, sometimes my age (or my carefree attitude about it) bothers others around me. Because of my youthful appearance (or should I say, benefitting from such), I tend to attract younger men. Eventually age comes up in the 'getting to know each other' stage. Recently, a relatively new female friend (as an old one would know me better) chastised me for not lying about my age. My rationale? If the man is so bothered by age, he would still be bothered later on even if it was a year into the relationship, not to mention that you've started a potential relationship based on a lie. Either way, it would be a waste of time for all parties involved. We ended up agreeing to disagree.

I actually love my 30's and am looking forward to officially being a cougar, although I've been one in training.

Marital Status

While my views on the institution of marriage continues to evolve, most have very definitive views on it. Married people somehow feel the need for others around them to be married as well - I am not entirely sure if that is to share their happiness or misery.

So after the taxi driver found out my marital status, he commented that I need to find a husband soon since I was probably almost 30 and no longer young. I immediately corrected him on my age as I found his advice comical. He spent the next few minutes quizzing me on my reasons. As I was taking in my new surroundings, he apparently was stewing in silence, perplexed by my situation. Fifteen minutes later, he asked whether in America, the women who weren't married at my age were those who men didn't want. While others may be offended by such comment, I found it mildly amusing that it was the only explanation he could come up with. He proceeded to lecture me on the need to have children as one's duty which was a reason that I needed to get married. The irony was that he had disclosed to me earlier that his wife could not have children.

In the states, when I turned in my work computer, the IT men asked me if I was going to Vietnam to find a husband. My mother's initial comment when she found out about my plans was her concern that I would go over here and find a husband that required my family to take care of his family. When I was here 2 years ago for my grandmother's funeral, I noticed that many of the friends and family were whispering about my age and marital status, as if somehow I was embarrassed or sad about my 'situation'.

During that time, when I made a weekend trip to Bangkok, I was asked by someone there whether I had at least been engaged before. Upon re-entry to Vietnam, the visa man and immigration man, individually, asked me whether my husband was traveling with me or why he would allow me to travel alone, apparently it must be rare for a woman to travel without a companion. I hadn't been here a full week, and the managing director and HR director have been conspiring to set me up with a doctor friend of the HR director. After getting my rental budget (see Salary above), a distant family friend tried to convince me to significantly reduce my rental budget and live in the outskirts of town so that I can save my money to get a husband. Seriously...

After almost two decades of this, I discover that it is a very fine line between explaining and being perceived as being defensive. I find more humor in letting people stew in their filters, perceptions and societal norms to justify whatever assumptions they have come up with, despite the fact that both divorce and infidelity have become the norm in both US and Vietnam. Many do not understand that it has been a choice, and with anything, it is a woman's prerogative to change her mind...given the right situation. The next few years should be very interesting, and I have no doubt that there will be an abundance of fodder for this topic on the blog.

al fresco to go

I had to work late last night because of a deadline. A coworker/friend got on instant messenger after putting her son to bed, and asked me if I had eaten yet. In the relatively short time, she has gotten to know that I eat late (NYC habits). Since I'm still in temporary housing, my kitchen is not fully equipped for late night mac & cheese or ramen noodle excursions. I lost track of time and had not gone out to forage for food. She asked me if I wanted pizza. While I've eaten Japanese, Malaysian, French, Chinese, and even Indian since I've been here, pizza, especially one that delivered, was not something I thought was readily available. Of course, I wasn't sure if this was going to be Italian (or even American) pizza or a local version with soy sauce and tofu. Cheese is usually pricey here as milk products are not usually plentiful, which explains the high percentage of lactose-intolerant Asians.

While Domino's maintain its 30-minute guarantee (even on a scooter), it's last delivery order is at 9:30pm. So my friend called a number of establishments (turns out her Canadian husband has a number of them on speed dial) and placed an order for me - a 'shrooms thick crust pizza. The delivery man handed me the following...

Yes, that is 6 packets of ketchup. My excitement quickly turned into a stomach-churning fear that I was about to eat bread with ketchup. I don't know if it was the prospect of food at 11pm or the loads of garlic that was in the sauce, but it sure was yummy! I did solve the mystery of the ketchup packets. Supposedly, people in the South like things sweet, the Northerners (Hanoi) like them salty, and those in the middle are all about spicy. So the ketchup was to add some sweetness. Clearly, I'm in the right place given my vice for sugar (after all, I put 6 sugar packets in a cup of Lipton tea), or perhaps that explains my propensity since I was born here.

Good thing my kitchen is equipped with an oven (third time's the charm) because I've never been a fan of nuked pizza. Although I know some who enjoy cold pizza for breakfast, it's never been my cup of tea, but I may have to try ketchup on it tonight. When in Rome...

lady in waiting

Finally making her debut in a new outfit that coincidentally befits its name, she has patiently been a lady in waiting. Vietnam experienced its first iPhone craze in 2010 around the time I was researching things to bring. Contrary to the enormous expectations and initial shortages, I have seen a few vendors that have them in stock (not entirely sure of their authenticity or premium). There have been speculations that the shortages are due to the small orders that the local carriers ordered, as they were worried about the true demand given the cost compared to local salary.

Since factory unlocked ones are not sold in the US, I had to get creative which included possibly involving friends or relatives of friends. In the end, my friend Zaj hooked me up. So the phone has been sitting in its original box for months waiting to come out and play. I ended up ordering two skins, unsure about whether one would make it through customs as well as how it would be perceived. After much thought, I ended up dressing her up in the one that reflected my personality. Voila!

decalgirl ~ lady in waiting

I have discovered that most phones are not equipped with voicemail (further research unearthed that the option is available but only for end-of-month contracts - see luck be the lady post). Even businesses do not have voicemail beyond the receptionist. My curiosity usually solicited responses with the attitude of 'no big whoop' and everyone has your mobile number to get a hold of you. 

When I first started working after college, we were told to check voicemail at least twice a day. This has evolved into perhaps once a week and sometimes once a month. That's because pda's have made it easy to just send emails (or even text messages) if you needed to find someone and have them call you. Although it was commonplace for people to give out cell phone numbers for work purposes, I was always reluctant, and ended up carrying two phones so that I could disconnect at my whim. Also, I'm in the camp that thinks it is rude to either check your phone or talk on your phone while you're spending time with someone (unless you let the other person know in advance that you're expecting a call or message).

Yet even with cell phone voicemail, I know so many in the US that either don't leave voicemails, opting to text if they can't get a hold of you, or don't bother listening to voicemails and just call you back to cut to the chase. So perhaps voicemail is not really needed, and was one of those things that you don't use when you have it but feel the need to have it just because...

me love you long time (part 2)

In a country where most single people, and many married couples, still live at home with their parents, is there such a thing as privacy? The sidewalks are crowded with young people entertaining each other in their 'mock' living rooms - playing cards, scrapbooking, 'chit chatting'... The early worm stakes spots where there are stools and near street vendors. Others lay out sheets of paper/old posters for groups of friends to sit on. There are even parking areas near these sidewalk spaces for people to have someone watch their vehicles. While I'm constantly amazed at the many uses of a motorbike/scooter over here, which I will cover in a future post, some opt to use them to stake claim on other parts of the sidewalk. Alas...the love machine!

When the sun goes down regardless of the day, parks and other public places are filled with couples 'parking' on these love machines. The borders of these public areas are lined with them but I'm told that the deeper you go into the parks, the more there are as it tends to be darker in those places. There are a number of establishments that also rent rooms by the hour for the equivalent of USD 2, which at face value seems a reasonable option lest one forget the low average salary in this country or the condition of such rooms. Perhaps there is a higher tendency for exhibitionism and voyeurism here, or perhaps it is the dirty American mindset that would assume that there is more than just a private place to share a moment together with simple conversation.

Regardless of whether people get hot and heavy or sit and chat, how do they balance on the kickstands of them dang things? Another item to put on the bucket list.

me love you long time (part 1)

The managing director at my firm came out of retirement to do a tour of duty in Vietnam. He's a 6' 4" (1.93 meters) Scot. Everywhere we go together, we usually get second and even third glances. Initially, I didn't notice the attention we were drawing, until he brought it up. I don't get such glances if I am with someone with an Asian background (e.g., Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, etc.), but in these parts where there are a number of stories about married or single expats finding local women and/or local women hoping to 'catch' a foreigner to bring them to another country, the combination of yellow skinned woman and white skinned man automatically calls for such assumption.

One can argue that the additional glances are due to the significant height differences with his tall build against my diminutive stature. Until...while we went on a walkabout for him to show me a bit of the city to acclimate me to the locales of the necessities (e.g., post office, convenience store, vendors with American DVD's, etc.), a female vendor asked him in English, 'you buy?' He responded with 'too small'. The object was a pair of boxer shorts. As he was walking away, she yelled to me in Vietnamese, 'miss, you should buy for him. I have 3x'. I'm not sure what made me laugh more - the fact that she assumed I was his lady love or that she assumed he wore size 3x.

For the record, this is not a case of 'yellow fever' although I have been accused of being the initial cause of an addiction to 'yellow fever' (and for some reason, which can be analyzed another day, I was offended by the accusation).

luck be the lady

I dip and dabble a bit in feng shui, primarily out of intellectual curiosity. I don't come close to living my life based on it, but I have used it as a tie breaker. For example, when determining whether I should purchase my Houston abode, I tried to use feng shui to talk myself out of purchasing a place that just felt right but was well above the budget I had established. They say that unless you custom build a house, that no house is exactly perfect to an individual based on feng shui. Fortunately (or unfortunately), in my amateur feng shui research, the house turned out to be perfect for me. Did that explain the positive vibes in my quick perusal of the house?

In my quest to get a sim card, I encountered many unsolicited advise. The mere mention that it was on my list of 'to do' was enough to get a list of items to consider. In the states, my selection process was based on reputation of carrier, costs of the various packages/promotions/data plans and in some cases, the type of phones offered. Here, phones are purchased directly from the vendor; carriers are all the same in reputation and signal; promotions are comparable; minutes are minutes regardless of whether you use it for data or voice; and your options are prepaid or end of month. Most opt for prepaid to avoid having to make a trip to pay a monthly bill (yes, it is primarily a cash-basis country). However, in trying to heed the various advices, I noticed that all the 'good' combination of numbers were the end of month options, which require deposits, minimums and a contract period ranging from 3-9 months. Clearly the better combinations required higher minimums with longer term.

It ended up being a numbers game. Mobile phones range from 10 to 13 digits, the smaller the better. Factors to consider after that included increasing numbers, lucky vs. unlucky numbers, combinations that were easy to remember, and numbers that are compatible with an individual's basic element (e.g., metal, fire, water, etc.). After visiting 2 stores to find 10-digit numbers and spending over 30 minutes staring at a terminal looking at combinations, I was still SOL on getting a sim card.

In a country where the average salary is circa USD $12,000, it is jaw dropping to hear that people spend USD $200,000 for a perfectly increasing number, USD $132,000 for 9 successive 6's, and USD $50,000 for 6 successive 8's. And that is purely for the phone number. Whether you believe in numerology or not, you are forced to get sucked into the local beliefs because if you want respect from friends and access to business contacts, you have to get a VIP number.

Perhaps it is the luck from my Houston house, or it's the year of the cat (which calls for 12 fortunate months for the pig), God looking out for me, or simple coincidence, my real estate broker had a connection who worked for one of the local carriers but in her home town. After convincing him that it was for a close relative, she was able to secure me a 10-digit combination that has increasing numbers, a number of 9's, and easy to remember. However, to secure this number, I will have to wait 6 days as he's still on vacation for Tet.  Hope it is worth the wait.

* * * * *

Update March 19, 2011:

I met someone yesterday who had a series of 8s and 9s for his mobile number. When I commented on it, I was told that he spent USD 10,000 for the number. In addition, supposedly he has 3-4 other numbers that he paid for which he doesn't resell as he uses it to let relatives, etc. borrow them when they are in town.

touchdown

I got to catch my last American football game, and what a game it was. There is something about the underdog, or in this case, the wildcard getting as far as the Super Bowl, but the Packers did not disappoint with the passion and teamwork that they put into the game. Win or lose, they should be very proud of their performance throughout the playoffs, especially in overcoming the stigma of a wildcard enough to confuse all the statisticians out there to get down to a mere 3 pt spread. As in life, people focus so much on those that are expected to have largesse performances that they are blindsided by the Jordy Nelson's of the world.  I, for one, fell victim to another's comment that Jordy is 'useless' and didn't play my gut - hence losing in the fantasy football playoff pool. [In full disclosure though, my 'gut' liked Jordy simply because his name was unique.]

Perhaps that's why being here is just as exciting - it's an opportunity to be part of the 'wildcard'. High risks equal high rewards, but many will be focusing on the BRIC countries. And while, the folks here may not be as organized, and have the processes and infrastructure in place as the American firm, they have the passion and camaraderie to make it a fun team to be part of - win or lose. In many cases, that lack of defined procedures and establishment breed innovation. While I was in flight, an announcement was sent out regarding my arrival. I received messages today from people ranging from 22 year-old administrative assistant who met me in passing during my look/see trip to random managers stopping by - each sharing genuine messages of welcome and wishes for great success, offering to take me around and inviting me to their home towns, which are hours away, to show me around the countryside. The welcome bouquet of flowers was a nice surprise.

That lack of structure seems to extend to the rest of the country as well. There is a saying about prior experiences preparing you for future life experiences, and I must say that living in NYC did prepare me for the taxi stand at the airport. Apparently, there is no such thing as a line. If there is an empty space on the curve of the sidewalk, squeeze in. When a taxi arrives, you have to be an assertive New Yorker and act like you own that cab (or smile pretty at the taxi attendant - either works and either are traits learned in NY). However, no matter how much I walked in New York, it sure did not prepare me for one aspect. Surprisingly, the many hours and sleepless nights breaking the joysticks of Atari and the simple game of Frogger are the only things that could give me insight on crossing the streets. While many fear crossing the streets of New York, at least the drivers generally respected the pedestrians (even though they may still try to give a good scare). Here...not so much. You just have to try your darnedest not to go kerSPLAT!

[go ~40 seconds into the video]

boot scoot'n & takin' flight...

After a process that took over a year and numerous hiccups, it is finally here. After all, an adventure wouldn't be much of one if it went smoothly. Some say things happen for a reason, and maybe one day I will be able to figure out what all the reasons were although some I may not want to figure out as there's something exciting about the mystery of it all. However, there were definitely events that got me here (some good, some bad but I wouldn't be learning if the bad weren't turned into positives).

There are a number of people that I have met in my travels that have made a dent in my life. Two stand out in this drastic decision I've made. The first was a woman (possibly mid-40s) who made large sums of money as an investment banker (managing director I think) in NY. She had a very small house on an island in Honduras that she opened up to strangers when the mood suit her. Although she was Caucasian, she would cook Asian fusion fare for extra money and more so, for the company. In my early 20s and with education and money ingrained in my head as signs of success, it always amazed me that she gave it all up to live a simple life in Honduras to scuba dive and socialize with strangers. The memory of her that I have was that she seemed so happy and content.

The second was a man I met in Spain, who traveled the world for work. It seemed so intriguing to get the opportunity to travel the world on someone else's dime. However, after traveling so much for work (albeit more domestic than international), I discovered that there is a significant difference to business vs. personal travel. As fate would have it, I kept in touch with him (well if you call once in a few years 'in touch' but I also believe close connections are those that aren't so high maintenance), and one day, he also decided to give it all up to be a scuba dive instructor for a few years. He now has his own firm where he can dictate his own life and career - how liberating. He lives simply and once told me that he stopped keeping personal effects as it was easier to be on the go. I also think sometimes personal effects hold us back from moving forward and exploring new things.

So with that, I stored practically everything, and with clothing, cowboy boots, and electronic gear (yes, it is the sign of the times that I need my computer, Kindle, ipod, cell, etc...sigh) in tow, I'm off to find the simple life (or perhaps the message is that I need to finish my scuba certification - I have been known to misread God's signs for me). My family decided to have a little sendoff party and surprised me with an ice cream cake with cake batter, strawberries, sweet cream, chocolate and any other flavor I noted I liked. Yummy!! And I love surprises!!

[And no, I have not packed yet even though my flight is less than 24 hours away - welcome to my life! I'm on island time, baby.]

So welcome to my adventure and my search for bliss and the simple life. I welcome all advice and feedback...enlighten me!!!