coming out party

One of my staff had a đầy tháng celebration, which is a one-month party for a newborn. Traditional Vietnamese tend to have a newborn and the mother 'hibernate' for a month to recover while maternal relatives take care of them, either by moving in or having mother and baby move to the relative's house. In some cases, they already live together. There are very specific dietary restrictions and care. Different families have different traditions. Many of them steeped in centuries of superstitions and beliefs despite modern medicine.

Infant mortality used to be very significant - so much so that one superstition is not to name your child until the one-month mark. Despite the hot climate, one tradition would be to not run the air conditioner or fan because the 'wind' could cause illness. Some even 'burn coal' under the bed or some form of heating to keep the body warm. Certain food (including congealed blood) is prescribed to help the mother 'heal'. Rice wine or something similar is used to bathe the mother - again, the reason is to kill the bacteria. Neither can leave the house during this period and the mother is expected to stay in bed for much of the time. While many of the traditions had reasons - some valid, some not, modern medicine and hygienic conditions make them moot, the deep superstitions rooted in these traditions have caused some families to be at odds with each other.

The đầy tháng birthday celebration is usually only attended by extended family. However, small packages of xoi (sweet sticky rice) and che dau (bean dessert) are put together for others that the family wants to share blessings with or that the family believes will bring honor and luck to the baby, depending on who you ask. So when another staff brought in the package for me on behalf of the new mother, I was surprised that she thought of me, not knowing of course what it meant other than that everyone knows I have a 'wicked sweet tooth'. Although we have such celebration in the United States, there are a number of traditions that get dropped. So I was not aware of how common the packages are. On my commute home from work, I had two people ask me if it was for đầy tháng, with a knowing smile. I'm not sure if that was because it was confirmation that I would bring luck to the baby given my success or that the family especially picked me to receive extra blessings.

 

Either way, I am honored and blessed.

stamp collection

I noticed on Facebook that my brother and his family are in Hawaii for vacation. It reminded me of one of my earlier memories of my sister-in-law over 10 years ago. As they were planning on their honeymoon, in Hawaii, of all places, she asked me whether she would need to get a passport to go there.

A few years ago, I read that a majority of Americans do not have passports. Of all the developed countries in the world, the United States has the highest percentage of individuals who do not travel abroad. My first trip overseas was to Italy - freshman year in college. Although it was an organized class trip, only the plane ticket and hotel stay was covered as part of the scholarship. While some had their parents' credit cards and travelers' checks, there was a small group of us who traveled on a budget of less than USD 20 a day. This entailed taking advantage of the hotel breakfast, packing lunch from the various breakfast meats, and stretching as much as we could. One of the items on my bucket list is to go back to Italy with no budget.

I haven't quite made it yet as I have found that my priority is to go to places I haven't been yet. For me, it's not checking off the list of museums and all the tourists' attractions. I actually enjoy the experience - the people, the culture, the smells, the food and more importantly, simply expanding my horizons. These experiences have shaped me and my open views in life. The saying about walking in someone else's shoes takes on a whole deeper meaning when you understand the 'whys'. 

While some enjoy vacation that are familiar territories where they either feel safe or have creature comforts of home, I gravitate towards the unknown and thank my lucky stars that I am fortunate enough to be able to collect the stamps on my third passport since my first plane ride to NYC!

medical tourism

If you have never heard of this concept, it is actually pretty phenomenal. There are a number of countries/cities in the world that have built a full service tourism around its medical practices. The draw is both for financial reasons as well as quality. In the past, it was the wealthy from the third world countries that would travel to developed countries for quality health care. However, it has evolved to third world countries spending billions to develop this industry. Tourist companies have also provided full travel packages including after-care facilities and services.

Brumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok is well renowned with top of the line machinery and practitioners who have studied in the top rated medical schools around the world. Many expats in Asia travel to Bangkok for their annual physical as the hospital offers a full comprehensive package. Historically, patients came for elective surgeries such as cosmetic surgeries; however, they are now top for critical surgical practices such as cardiac surgeries.

Brumrungrad is also a well oiled machine in processing patients from start to finish. Appointments can be made online. They have translators for most languages. Patients are processed timely with medical bracelets through the various medical centers on premise. The hospital rooms are like hotel rooms with flat screen TVs, modern furniture and kitchenette. After-care also includes Skype or FaceTime with medical practitioners.

For Americans, the incentive includes medical practices that have not been FDA approved but are legal in other countries. The costs for travel, hospital, after-care and some vacation are many times equal or less than the costs to do it in the U.S. The risks usually relates to the ongoing check-ups, after-care, legal issues, etc. However, in many cases, the pros outweigh the cons.

jer-bear

On the other side of the world, I've been riveted by this case. For almost two weeks, I would check the news before I went to bed and after I woke up for the latest developments. The gag order and closed courtroom prevented play-by-plays. The items being reported was enough to make any person need a good disinfectant from the slime.

Whether the victims did it for financial gain or other motives, it takes courage to constantly be grilled many times by many people in front of millions and go through such personal traumatic memories from a cache of horrible memories and experiences typical of 'at-risk' children. No amount of money can ever make up for that.

Sandusky was sick. Perhaps he went through his own demons and the little I've read about his family life with his parents, it would not surprise me if he went through some sort of abuse himself. He is responsible for making his own decisions though as an adult, and many who have been abused consciously make different decisions. However, it appears as if there were a number of enablers, and those are the ones I find just as, if not more, reprehensible and despicable. I, for one, hope that the next chapter of this nightmare is to have each one of them pay for the decisions that they made. Karma, justice...whatever you want to call it...time for it to come a'knocking!

* * * * *

Update February 12, 2017:

Sandusky's karma continues via his adopted son Jeffrey, who has been arrested for 14 charges related to sex crimes involving children, including statutory sexual assault. A five-year investigation that ended in 2016 uncovered 45 victims of Sandusky. His adopted son that was arrested had professed his father's innocence, even after the adopted son had allegedly molested two girls while living with their mother.

As I recently heard, someone doing something to you is his/her karma; however, your reaction is your karma. Unlike his adopted brother, Matt Sandusky, another adopted son, had chosen to speak up against his father during the trial, thus further validating many of Sandusky's previous victims that others were bashing. Matt has also chosen to continue to be involved in supporting the victims and co-founded Peaceful Hearts, a not-for-profit organization that advocates for survivors of sexual abuse as well as educate children and adults on sexual predators to prevent victimization of children.

The one person who continues to remain silent to this day is Sandusky's wife Dottie, who clearly turned blind eyes and deaf ears and was the biggest enabler of them all. When she did speak during Sandusky's trial, she blamed the victims for being money grabbers. She is joined by Camille Cosby as those who chose to support their spouses as trade-offs for fame and money. I, for one, hope that one day, they will choose to end their karmic cycle by walking in the light instead of darkness.

mind masturbation

I had the pleasure of hanging out with a number of men this weekend who were from Australia but now living in different parts throughout Asia or still in Australia. It occurred to me how much I miss intellectual stimulation. I really, really do!!!

I used to read a lot but for some reason I haven't quite gotten into it during my time in Vietnam. When I travel, I do bring a book from a collection of romance-based novels that a friend had given me before I left. While I liked these books when I was younger and still believed in Prince Charming, it no longer has the thrill it used to and is just mindless reading. I would like to say that the lack of reading my usual thrillers and adventures is because of access to reading material but quite frankly, I haven't even tried, and I don't know why. Last 6 months was due to work and lack of time but even before that I dropped the habit, perhaps novelty of the market and too much partying although the same 5 places to go are getting boring quite fast.

But I really miss the stimulation of having an engaging debate on taboo topics such as religion, politics, financial markets, and even sex. Although people here have no issues with broaching taboo topics such as age, marriage, or salaries and giving advice on everything you don't think is their business (see me love you long time (part 3)), there is a true lack of debates from knowledgeable people. The few times I have seen it, there is usually someone dominating who has to be right and likes to think she/he is the expert that the rules of healthy debate goes out the window so I don't even bother. I have also experienced it from an expat (who also happens to be an Australian who has lived in Asia too long), but in that case, he didn't like that he was debating with a woman who didn't automatically just tell him he was right and so smart. He once told someone that his type is someone like me but 'more agreeable'. 

Whether expats or locals, the genders tend to separate with men discussing sports, drinking and ladies, while the women gather to discuss domestic matters, gossip and what I call busy body topics. I don't know why people avoid even topics of aspirations and future plans, perhaps it is because so many come and go especially the expat community that they focus on the here and now.

Like the body, a girl needs periodic mind masturbation. Unfortunately, unlike the body, many times, doing it solo isn't so stimulating. 

rice patty

I get the purpose of bunless burgers for those on the crazy low or no carb diets. Even the buns made out of whole wheat or other ingredients, including rice-based, make sense. However, I find myself baffled by the burger held together by a bunch of rice mushed together. Isn't the purpose of the buns to keep the burger together when you eat it?

an eye for an eye

I am not a complete believer in time-outs. Like adults, I believe each child has its own way of learning, and like management, the best parenting is to modify to get the best out of a child. Different personalities react to things differently based on the circumstance, perception and learned experiences. The Tiger Moms have had a higher outcome of driven, hard-working individuals, but at what expense? On the other hand, the Baby Boomers overcompensated for their childhoods by raising "all about me" individuals (in what some are calling the Peter Pan Generation because of their sense of entitlement and delays in normal rites of passages to adulthood).

With all things, it is about moderation. My sister raises her family like the Baby Boomers while my brother is more the Tiger Mom style. I've seen the nieces and nephews react to things differently because of this, and only time will tell how they each will end up. I've also seen each child react differently to the respective parenting style, which supports my idea that parenting should be modified and while we all would like to say we should treat each child the same, each child reacts differently so the outcome will always be different. Is it a matter of trying to get to the same outcome or the same inputting factors? I think it should be the former.

I have had a number of spankings in my day. Some beatings I choose to forget, and perhaps, it is a blessing that I have no memory before fifth grade. Parenting in general automatically forces individuals to learn patience, and while there are just those days where the patience has worn thin, I cannot fathom ever getting to the day of this Malaysian woman. One thing I still have not gotten used to is how some Asian parents 'admonish' (intense spankings) their children in public, and how other Asians look on (or ignore for that matter since it is so commonplace). For this reason, I think I admire Thais as their Buddhist culture is embedded in the belief of societal children rearing in a much more tolerant fashion (as noted in a road less traveled).

The following video was shot by the Malaysian mother's friend after witnessing an earlier situation. This occurred on May 29, 2011 but for some unknown reason went viral a year later. While the friend did turn in the video to authorities which resulted in the arrest of the woman, I do not understand how she could have sat through a previous session and then another 5 minute clip without just wanting to haul the mother and physically stop her. I have seen parents get frustrated with the crying and there have been incidences of deaths due to the shaking of the child to try to get them to stop, but as you can see, when the baby is cried out, the mother then instigates it more. It is very difficult to watch.

I cannot imagine the life that the 18-year old mother lived to get her in such a state of anger and pure lack of empathy. While I try to live my life by not judging others, in this situation, I can not help but think that the 18-month prison time that the mother received was not sufficient. Authorities noted that although difficult, she would be able to get her child back after she gets out of prison. To me, her uterus should be removed entirely, and no way in hell, should she be allowed to know where her child is living much less get the child back. Beating and kicking a defenseless 8 to 10-month old baby like some rag doll is reprehensible no matter what country you live in or parenting style you adhere to.

cunning con?

Her name is Ita. She was kind enough to offer to take me around the island on her day off when I was in Bali. We went to some of her favorite spots and some new locales that she had not frequented. That whole day we did a lot of talking. In her 21 years, she was so innocent, and I found myself taking on the role of mentor, and trying to dish out all the wise words I had wished someone had told me when I was young and impressionable.

She had told me about the 8 boyfriends she had in the past year, and how she was so heartbroken. She had told me of Pappa, an Australian friend that sounded like a grandfather figure for her, especially age wise. Initially, it was slightly concerning that there may have been more than just a friendship with Pappa, as there are many older expats who target the young and impressionable Asian women to dominate.

However, during my time in Asia, I have discovered that these relationships are usually mutual in taking advantage of each other for different financial and emotional gains, primarily based on insecurity and unhealthy reasons. The sugar daddy benefits as much as the sugar baby for different reasons. Throughout the course of the day, I would catch comments and actions that were contrary to earlier statements that belied her innocence. The youth and innocence that she portrayed would easily make a man want to protect and be her savior, and with someone with negative intent, it would be easy to shower her with attention that she craved for short term benefits to him, leaving her behind when he returned to his mother country.

* * * * *

Update January 10, 2017:

I recently found out that an acquaintance that I frequently partied with in Vietnam is pregnant. She decided to get herself off of birth control without communicating it to her current expat partner. They continue to have arguments; however, he has disclosed to others that he continues the relationship for the sex. While they are adults and are responsible for their own actions, including enabling each other, I have learned in my research of astrology, numerology and spirituality that bringing others (e.g., child) into the drama is cruel and could pass the karma onto others. Children oftentimes carry the karma of their parents and becomes part of the resolution of such karmic cycles.

Ita is a recent newlywed. From her Facebook posts, it would seem as if her new husband showers her with gifts and tries to help her get acclimated to his family and home in Amsterdam. Yet, there is a sadness behind her smiles in her recent pictures that was not necessarily there in my pictures of her from years ago. Her father passed away over Christmas. Perhaps her family situation resulted in her need to find a husband for practical reasons rather than love. While we would all like to find love, I am blessed in my life in that I am not in a position to feel the need to have a husband or be with someone for anything other than love. I would like to think that if I were either one of these ladies, I would not have made the same unhealthy decisions, but we would never know unless we walk in someone else's shoes.

Ita did make a beautiful bride, and I hope that whoever's karma she is living through that she is able to close the cycle and find happiness that she deserves.

eat, pray, love

In the US, Bali is known as one of the choice destinations for honeymoons. The book and subsequent movie, Eat, Pray, Love, only heightened the desire for Americans to put it on their bucket list. Since my arrival in Southeast Asia, many have stated that Bali was nice but definitely not one of the top beach destinations in the region. It did not deter me from keeping it on my bucket list.

While most of Indonesia follow Islam, Balinese primarily practice a form of Hinduism, thereby much of its arts and culture are steeped in such rituals and traditions. One of its popular rituals is Kecak (a fire dance of mostly men who provide the sound effects to a music drama where Prince Rama battles King Ravana). Because of the trance-like soundtrack, it is also known as an exorcism dance. 

The colors reminded me of the boldness of India yet the people were the gracefulness and friendliness of Thailand. The topography was amazingly vast. It took me quite a while to realize why I could not understand anything anyone was saying though. By the end of the first day, my driver explained that I look Balinese, and therefore, everyone automatically spoke to me in the local language. Another affirmation that I am anything but Vietnamese.

amen brotha!

A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion. In the scriptures Jesus received the most opposition from the most religious people of his day. At its core Jesus' gospel and the good news of the Cross is in pure opposition to self-righteousness/self-justification. Religion is man centered, Jesus is God-centered. This poem highlights my journey to discover this truth. Religion either ends in pride or despair. Pride because you make a list and can do it and act better than everyone, or despair because you can't do your own list of rules and feel "not good enough" for God. With Jesus though you have humble confident joy because He represents you, you don't represent yourself and His sacrifice is perfect putting us in perfect standing with God!

~ Jefferson Bethke

Bethke's subsequent facebook post to address those that may be using his message out of context of his intent, similar to what many are apt to do with the Bible, Koran and other religious scriptures:

If you are using my video to bash 'the church' be careful. I was in no way intending to do that... The Church is Jesus' bride so be careful how you speak of his Wife. If a normal dude has right to get pissed when you bash His wife, it makes me tremble to think how great the weight is when we do it to Jesus' wife. The church is His vehicle to reach a lost world. A hospital for sinners. Saying you love Jesus but hate the Church, is like a fiancé saying he loves his future bride, but hates her kids. We are all under grace. Look to Him.

unpalatable

I am sitting at my friend's Italian restaurant that recently opened up. It distinguishes itself as more authentic Italian than the other Italian restaurants in the city. The owner likes to experiment with the dishes, which includes an olive oil ice cream for dessert. One of my favorite dishes is tagliatelle a la ragu.

So on a nice Saturday afternoon where I knew I had to work most of the day, I decided a nice pasta dish with the open air would be a better environment for work. A few things about this restaurant that I like is that it is the only one that serves pasta al dente. While the meal looked slightly different, in my quest to savor the first bite, I ignored the visual cues. It tasted different as well. After confirming that it was the right order, I started to question whether I had the wrong recollection of the dish. I even asked if they perhaps changed the recipe.

Lo and behold, it seems as if many of the locals complained that the dishes were too salty in general and the pasta too hard. The local palates and bellies do not react well to their pasta not being soft (as in their noodle dishes) or to cheese as milk products are generally scarce (hence, lactose intolerance - see got milk?). The wait staff were instructed to note whether the patron was "local" so that the kitchen would adjust the dishes for the different preferences. So what I got was a watered down, bland, overcooked pasta. I ended up sending it back, which I generally avoid doing (see a box of crayons) after trying to eat half of the meal and just couldn't bear it anymore. After all, I didn't come to this restaurant to eat Vitalian - Vietnam's rendition of Italian food. Perhaps next time, they shouldn't assume.

the chicken or the egg dilemma

The age old saying: If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck - can usually be tossed out the window here. Beef and chicken taste different yet they look the same. Seafood looks different yet it tastes the same (see farmer's tan). Sometimes water buffalo meat is passed off as beef. Asia is not really known for innovation as much as it's known for the ability to make a damn good copy of anything, including the iPhone. Yet, one would think there are limits to what can be imitated and copied.

During busy season (mid-December to end of March), our company orders in dinner for staff since they are working until midnight for many days. In many cases, staff are at client sites but they would come back to the office for the food before they head home to work or continue to work in the office. One would think that these are elaborate meals that people are returning for, but alas, no...they are usually the equivalent of small appetizers - most of the time, it is the banh bao, which is a form of dumpling containing a mixture of ground pork or chicken meat, onion, mushroom and egg that costs about 50 cents.

The first time I had one of these, I thought that the egg tasted different because it was perhaps quail egg or some other fowl. Subsequently, I started to just take out the egg, which I normally like in a banh bao, and toss it in the trash bin as I thought the egg actually tasted foul. We have now started up busy season again, which usually conjures up the image of the banh bao. Recently, I mentioned the egg and my lack of appreciation for the local egg. I soon got an education on the reality of the fake egg in Asia. While we may think that the cost of an egg is trivial compared to other food stuff, when your product is 50 cents, a 5-10 cents difference significantly influences the margin. Surprisingly the cost to make a fake egg with fake eggshell as well is cheaper than the real thing.

The video also shows how to make fake grapes. There have been suggestions that these products are cancerous. As if the debate of what came first - the chicken or the egg was confusing enough, my brain is now fried.

blood suckers

One of the things I thought I would explore while I was over here is Eastern medicine. I usually do not partake much in Western medicine either though - you would understand if you had my brother for a doctor, who believes that one should ride out most of the illnesses to build out the immune system. Of course, after I heard the horror story from a friend whose uncle had a bad experience with an acupuncturist in China that resulted in a year in the hospital, I have hesitated on exploring this part of my adventure.

However, I ended up tripping on a form of Eastern medicine by way of what I thought was going to be a basic facial. Since late summer, I have had wicked breakouts around my chin/mouth area. Usually, breakouts in this area are hormonal in nature so initially, I was not alarmed. But after constant breakouts of the large swelling variety, and after using all sorts of products and numerous Dermologica facials without any positive progress, I was starting to get frustrated. Was it age? Was it the air and pollution? Was it the food I was eating and after a few months, my body started to react?

A friend ended up taking me to a local person that she periodically goes to for facials. She noted that the individual has been good with extractions - well, technically so was the Dermologica specialist. It was a bit disconcerting when my friend texted me to let me know that she was going to try out the person again after a pronounced absence to make sure that it would surpass what she thought would be alright to bring a foreigner (e.g., cleanliness). At this point, I was desperate and wanted a cleaner face when I headed back to the States for the holidays so with my 'I'll try anything once' attitude, I was game.

The needle used to induce blood can be seen on the left.

I have gotten used to ignoring the ambiance and no longer equate it to the quality of the services. But with eyes closed, pins pricking and something sucking on my face, I no longer had any idea what was going on. By the time I left, I swore that I was not coming back. To my surprise, within a week, my face cleared up a bit. I ended up making another trip to the cosmetologist before the holidays. It occurred to me that the pins pricking were not to assist in the extractions but to induce bleeding. The sucking action came from heated bamboo sticks that pulls out the contaminated blood, similar to the use of medicinal leeches. It was a form of hirudotherapy.

After having a relatively clean face for about a month, I am now a believer...at least in enduring some pain to suck out the poison from one's blood to cleanse the system. I am sure that I will have to do a bit more research in regards to finding the right acupuncturist though. Of course, I said the same thing with Lasix and ended up doing something similar to the above experience. God has been kind looking out for me.