living love

When this journey started a couple of months ago, it was a chance encounter that I had not expected to be any different than those I had experienced since moving to the West Coast. In some ways, he has helped 'unstuck' me on some of my continuous growth (fool's gold), which is the case usually when one feels any contrast and unease.

I find myself still battling some of my old templates, but I am learning to push the cobwebs that try to seep through my thoughts and live in the 'glass half full' (complementing compliments). He (we actually) has made me feel emotions that are new to me. I find that they don't scare me but rather puts me in unchartered territory to navigate through. The best is feeling as though we are navigating new experiences together. 

Perhaps it is the learnings and the growth of the last few years, perhaps it is being mindful of exploring unconditional love...I find myself loving differently. So new that I have not developed the vocabulary to articulate the feels. But as he says, why do we need to explain the good moments when we should just live and enjoy them (wait...magic happens)?

While I can say he makes me laugh or that in some ways, he is kindness personified, his stories of his past, his lease on life, his curiosity, his lack of judgment (except of himself)...just every new discovery reiterates the amazing man I have manifested.

My cousin (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)) asked me today if I had ever envisioned a future with anyone I have dated since she tends to 'overanalyze' any potential marriage prospects even before the first date. Even in my first long-term relationship of 3+ years (moments that matter (part 6)), I usually tended to live in the present. However, as I am letting go and opening up to where the universe takes me on my next journey, I find myself planning on him being part of it in some capacity. Ironically, like that first relationship, we find ourselves also experiencing a lot of first for both of us, exciting in its purity and simplicity.

He flew back from a business trip to Japan yesterday and surprised me with sweets and a pair of Relaco pants that he explained is his comfy lounge-around-the-house-pants. So while they didn't have a smaller size, he wanted me to have a pair as well. It wasn't just thoughtful, but it was sharing a part of his life. As I watch my house being staged to put on the market, a house that never quite felt like home to me, I find myself finding my 'home,' which is my new happiness. As they say, home is where the heart is.

complementing compliments

Like many young women, I went through a phase where I was unable to take compliments. It made me extremely uncomfortable where I would divert by changing topic or do the typical Asian response by downplaying it. Perhaps it was due to insecurity, or perhaps it was due to being raised in a culture of backhanded/insulting compliments.

I have learned that some of the perceived mistrust of the individual giving the compliment stemmed from my projection of how I viewed my self. During my 20s (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)) as I was trying to find positivity in my life, I had made a conscious decision to embrace compliments. At first it was with difficulty that I forced myself to hold eye contact with the person giving the compliment and saying 'thank you' rather than looking away in shame. Over time, it because automatic, and eventually, I started to believe the compliments. My mantra was that if someone can take the time to give a compliment, I should be able to take the time to be gracious about it.

Unsolicited compliments from strangers are such great surprises for me, especially when there is no ulterior motives involved. Today at the grocery store, someone walking towards me while I was perusing the yogurt section made some comment that included 'beautiful'. It did not occur to me that he was talking to me until he and two of his friends walked by me and he turned around to get my attention to make sure that I was aware that the compliment was for me. While not unique, it put a smile on my face in the simplicity of the gesture.

Once I got home, my dad called me. He had phoned much earlier in the day but since everyone knows I am not a morning person, I had assumed he 'butt dialed' me, which he does a lot for some reason. I do not talk to my parents often. We have a family group text but it's usually routine communications about sales and family get togethers that have nothing to do with me given my lack of proximity. We talk probably once every few months, at best, so it is odd that somehow my number gets 'butt dialed'. Dad likes to joke that it is his way to let me know he's thinking of me.

Usually when Dad calls rather than Mom, it is related to some task. However, today he just wanted to check on his daughter. He asked me if I was happy. He's never asked that before. It was so sweet, again in its simplicity. Later tonight, perhaps under a bit of 'Colorado high' influence, the person from fool's gold professed that he did not want to lose what we have. I am definitely learning to live in happiness every day but today is a great reminder of that.

stone skipping (part 11)

One of my aha's from my time in Vietnam is how I enjoy mentoring others, specifically women or minorities who have the additional challenge of trying to level their playing field and where mentors are easily accessible. This inspired the stone skipping series. Somehow though, without necessarily putting it out to the universe, I have observed an influx of others connecting me with random people that they believe I could somehow share my experiences or insights.

While I did not advertise my departure (silver fox), some have noticed it on LinkedIn. A month ago, a woman whom I had some interaction during one of the women's development programs I facilitated a few years ago, contacted me as she wanted to better understand my career pivot. She was at a crossroads. Her husband and she live separate lives due to work (he in Arizona, she in California). Her leader was grooming her to be his replacement when he retires in 6 years. Yet she was getting bored, and despite her efforts to expand her role, kept running into 'deaf ears'. Morale has caused some significant turnover in her group. All of that intermixed with some personal matters like starting a family.

She reached out to me this week as she was in town. She wanted to let me know that based on our last discussion about my pivot and challenging her to think 'big' and with a 'clean slate' rather than the immediate paths that we 'pigeon hole' ourselves into as what we would be qualified for given our current experience, she had an 'aha' moment while trying to plan a social event. As she was relaying how she got to her decision, her face transformed and by the end, she had this beautiful smile, and glow to her face. While her husband is supportive, it is an entire pivot, and she even retorted that good thing she has her own money to invest any way she wants - the financial independence that allows us to find our happiness.

It was not just a fleeting thought as she had started to research (and contact) suppliers as well as federal and state laws to start her eco-friendly venture. She also noted how liberating it felt to finally know what she wants to do in life. Watching her made me tear up with happiness. I have always admired people who have the courage to find and follow their passions (stone skipping (part 1)). Her quiet excitement as contagious.

Later that evening, I met another friend (surprising inspiration) who is finally seeing her long-time dream of being a New Yorker become reality. It was her last meal in San Francisco so we chose a 10-course chef's tasting menu at Octavia. She's a foodie and it was her 30th Michelin star restaurant. During dinner, she was relaying stories about two coworkers that she felt 'weird' being mentor for women older than her. She kept saying she had to 'channel me' while doing so. I assume it has to do with how to communicate in a way that others would be more receptive, and some of the things I have told her in the past to help her through some of her challenges. Either way, it was great to see her paying it forward and making her own ripples.