Perhaps in clearing the cobwebs of recurring themes of unwantedness and hidden (saudade (part 5)), it exposed a deeper wound of security (bluebird); yet, his contradictory actions at the end had me wondering (synchronicity (part 2)) where this would take me and what is to be learnt. While the presence of the raven (bubble of bliss, blossoming, and saudade (part 6)) seemed to represent some masculine protection, I had never consciously thought that I felt 'unsafe' until being overwhelmed with feeling emotionally safe during bluebird.
I have minor experiences with reiki as a clearing of energy before medicinal healing sessions such as 5-MeO-DMT (blast off), but have never tried a dedicated reiki session although I had thought about becoming a licensed reiki healer. I have discussed being a part of a healing center over the years with a number of people, including a friend who had moved back to Vietnam from Singapore. We had last connected prior to CoVID when I was planning on relocating to Vietnam for a few years.
Unlike Bali or Thailand where individuals go looking for healing during their spiritual journeys, Mandala Wellness is in a country where modalities like osteopathy, hypnosis, and reiki are foreign to the locals. As with the Law of Attraction and devoting one's energy into one's passion, somehow practitioners and clients seemed to find their way to the center. I had wanted to try new modalities, hoping to clear any stuck energy that may have resided around my shoulders and elsewhere in my body from emotional traumas I had processed.
Elsa first studied reiki in 2008 in order to help manage her own anxieties, eventually utilizing it as a tool to help family and friends. Like the empath from 22, she was able to 'see' beyond my energy field, perhaps some memories of what my body held, in addition to moving the energy in the reiki session. Noting that my third eye (sixth chakra) is very active is a testament to my spiritual growth over the years and honing in on my connection with the spiritual self/world.
The crown chakra (seventh chakra), represented by the color violet, has come up in my QHHT (leap of faith) and Christmas 'trip' (violet goddess). She saw an image of my 2-4 year old self crying and reaching out while seeing someone take my father away. At my root chakra (first chakra), she saw lots of energy flowing there with an imbalance, indicating needs of reassurance or concerns about safety, whether financially or physically, and unclear idea about family and home.
Energetically, the seventh chakra has a connection with the first chakra as they represent the extremities of the chakra system. That image from my crown chakra was my enlightened self giving me a clue about the imbalance in my root chakra, which came up in bluebird and synchronicity (part 2). My father (full circle (part 3), full circle (part 5), and full circle (part 8)) was in the South Vietnamese Navy at that age, resulting in us becoming 'boat people' as we fled the country. He could have been pulled away to go to war or at the refugee camps when they separated us into barracks. In addition to the war and even as a latch key kid, being responsible for my siblings (full circle (part 8)), there was a lot weighing on my shoulders at an early age that would naturally contribute to concerns of safety.
In what I had thought was a lesson in blossoming to receive, in actuality, it seems as if it was the start to balancing the pendulum of independency and learning to let go and allow others the opportunity to be a partner in my safe haven, truly creating the 'home' to no longer need the self-protection that was erected in childhood (safe haven), always having to rely on my self ... the lingering responsibility and burden that had remained stuck in my shoulders.
The sacral chakra (second chakra) embodies our 'own dwelling' where sensuality, emotions, creativity and intimacy resides. She had me giggling when she recounted the 20 something me excitedly playing hide and seek in a very child-like manner, in front of some figure in the shape of a giant mushroom or cauliflower floret. While I still haven't figure out the symbolism of the giant figure, it still brings a delighted smile to my face with her visual, especially with deep connections and pleasure being such a heart focus to my current journey. In line with connections with others, she also received the message that my path shows fulfillment relating to counseling or coaching others, perhaps in the area of mindfulness/life.
While she noted that she cleared a lot of the energy that I noted in my shoulders, she also detected a hesitancy over my throat (fifth) and heart (fourth) chakras, highlighting that I have not addressed whether and when I would have children. For a second, I was surprised that this came up until I remembered a moment a few months before. While I have thirteen frozen eggs somewhere in North Carolina (22 and kissing my boo boos), I had always viewed it as an insurance policy in case I had a partner who wanted children. I had been indifferent yet always knew I'd be an excellent mother. I cannot explain the times though even in the last few years when the time came to renew the storage term, I never doubted for a second when I opted to continue to keep them rather than donate them to research.
In the midst of in the NOW, he had once joked that we should have a baby. It seemed foremost in his mind during his processing of his past relationship which a mutually-agreed upon abortion was the beginning of an end when both started to individually have misgivings about their decision. I did not put much thought on my reaction at the time, but it was the first time in my life where I answered 'yes' internally while laughing externally at his spontaneity. For the first time, rather than evaluating the quality of the father in answering that question, I just knew as a mother. It was just a fleeting feeling and moment, and I never thought about it again.
After the session, I waved it off as a curiosity, similar to astrology, numerology, fortune tellers or tarot cards...another potential sign but nothing definitive. Quite frankly, I did not know where to start in addressing that. I started thinking about how excited I was to get my puppy (baby girl), which then led me to the acknowledgement that I was already starting roots and building my own family with a puppy. Was this also connected to what she observed in my root chakra about uncertainty of family? Was it connected to safety and allowing others to be part of that?
The time spent with Kai (11:11 (part 14), bluebird and baby girl) where his parents allowed me to be another mother to him or Harry and Archie for over a month in Vietnam had me not only exposed to 'mothering' children 24/7 but also to pregnant mothers. I had decided to give it six months or so with my new puppy to see how my life changes before broaching the topic again, knowing I would be happy to go down this path alone. Only then, did I mention it to another soul, who suggested we go see our dear old 'fortune teller' (11:11 (part 6)) as a fun curiosity before our trip to Hoi An.
Needless to say, while the couple of other times that I've gone with my friends as a mindless hangover ritual, she has been fairly accurate with what she saw of our lives 1-2 years out, my 'future' could easily be viewed as generic to 'dating' highs and lows. This time though without any prompting with a specific question to ask her, she highlighted synchronicity (part 2), and was very specific to the baby boy with a father with blue eyes that will 'love me more than I love him' which is the Vietnamese way of saying he will be 'taking care of me' and being that trusted partner in our haven and home.
As I marveled at the beauty of Mother Earth and the magic of the universe (twilight), another thing Elsa underscored as my source of self-care and recharging, I felt the calmness and miracle of all past, present and future connecting right at that moment in time in that specific spot in the ocean.
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