safe haven

The body has a way of displaying symptoms and/or 'cry for help' before things get too dire. A couple of years ago, my body was doing weird things for months. At first, I ignored them as signs of aging. I even wondered if somehow I was pregnant. Ultimately, it resulted in such a pain that prevented me from walking normally. Luckily, my parents were visiting when I had to go to an urgent care facility. I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that does not have a common cause that triggers it. Over time, I realized that my trigger is intense stress and my body's communication to slow down, which has led me to rethink my life (and career in the girl with the dragon tattoo).

At the endodontist today, I learned that abscess is a way for the tooth to signal that its nerve, although not necessary for daily functioning, is being attacked, regardless of whether one is experiencing pain. Last weekend, my hair stylist relayed a story about a friend who she used to be close with until recent addictions pushed them apart. After her second pregnancy, possibly due to postpartum depression, the friend had recollections of childhood trauma - molestation.

Up until then, she had a relatively normal life, which consisted of a happy marriage and family. However, despite intense therapy, she was not able to cope with the sudden flash of memories and have been fighting addiction ever since, at the demise of her marriage, family and friendships. Unfortunately, despite her ex-husband's attempts, she does not have much interaction with her children either.

Although my college friends and some close friends have encouraged me to perhaps try hypnosis and/or therapy to re-discover part of my past and memories prior to fifth grade (an eye for an eye, ftale, and moments that matter (part 1)), I have let go of the curiosity a while back (moments that matter (part 6)), fully recognizing that my mind, like my body, knows when to go into 'self-preservation' mode. 

While I would like to think that given my growth over the years, I would be able to face any demons head on, I have full faith that when the time is right, even if that is not at all, the gates will be released. Until then, I am grateful for that temporary blockage in order for me to get closer to enlightenment and happiness. In the meantime, I am sending out positive energy to my stylist's friend that her mind would help her do the same until she can gather her strength to fight her darkness, rather than let it continue to engulf her.