While my parents are great grandparents and often hug my nieces and nephews, acts of affection were alien to me while growing up, whether through hugs, kisses or "I love you". This is not uncommon with Asians and probably stems from a conservative culture that viewed personal contact as inappropriately sexual between genders and within the same gender. Love was displayed in traditions based on honor and loyalty.
However, some Asian countries such as China and Japan are recognizing the need for changing the culture to more Western behaviors, including creating a class on emotional intelligence for elementary students in 2013 with homework requiring children to go home and hug their parents (More Hugs Please, We're Chinese). Hugging has many benefits including bonding people in various forms of relationships. In addition, it releases serotonin and dopamine, increases oxytocin and lowers blood pressure.
When I went to university in the Northeast, I learned that brief hugs were part of greeting each other. It became evident early on that I was unnatural in it, and initially starting off as a joke, my friends would consciously hug me a bit longer than the general protocol just to see me squirm. Eventually, I did learn to hug and accept the physical touch and at times, hugging even a pillow provided some emotional comfort. As a friend once said, you can tell how someone truly feels about you from a hug. However, I was not prepared for the art of cuddling until my time in Vietnam, ironic as it is.
He was my first relationship that was not long distance. While 16 years my junior, he was mature and patient in how he approached life. He had an old soul. He respected the local culture and invested in learning the local language and traditions. I admired him a lot for his immersion.
He loved to cuddle. It became a negotiation item for us, believe it or not. Despite the tropics, his body did not emanate heat as with many others. He taught me what it felt like to feel safe, comforted and connected to the rhythm and sound of heartbeats.
Bella was a pup who guarded her master very lovingly. The first time she witnessed us at play, she was confused as to whether someone needed protection, and who that would be, as she had known me just as long and was loyal to me, at times. She was easy to love, as well as her master.
I used to joke about his birthday being on International Women's Day as he has a wonderful balance of the strong male with empathy to the feminine side - the yin to the yang. I think he attributes his kicking of an addiction to me, but he left me a lifelong lesson that forever has me grateful. Some nights I do miss his cuddles, and for a spell, he provided my soul with a mate.
Happy Birthday!! And Happy International Women's Day to all the lovely ladies...embrace your divine feminine and remember to pay it forward, Girl Power!
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