twilight

I have always appreciated the beauty in sunrises and sunsets (a taste of heaven and puffs of cotton). But it wasn't until the time that I have spent in Hawaii over the last year (to infinity and beyond) that I started to explore the magic in the Sun's crepuscular rays. During my month in Oahu last spring, we would try to catch sunset everyday at the Maunalua Bay Beach during our evening walks with Pele.

Canggu, Bali

While in Hilo on the Big Island, the sunrises (11:11 (part 13)) beaming through my bedroom's sliding door served as the rooster's crow to greet the day. But in Kona, it seemed a ritual for many, whether floating on surfboards, lounging in sand or standing cliffside, it was a siren song that bewitched locals and tourists alike to watch in silence and awe as the hues dynamically displayed its vastness across the horizon. Sometimes, one would even get a glimpse of dolphins and whales frolicking in the distance or a sea turtle basking on the rocks.

No matter how the day unfolded, we never regretted packing up the car to chase the sunset in Kona. With the feet grounded in sand and skin absorbing the ions of the salt in the air and ocean, the experiences were always calming to the senses and provided a reset to the energy. Some of our best self-facilitated therapy sessions occurred after we returned from sunsets.

Gili Trawangan, Bali

Yet, it isn't often that one can find a location, other than high above in the mountains where both sunrises and sunsets grace the sky like puffs of cotton or to infinity and beyond. While in Bali, it seemed as if we could catch one or the other but not both, until we got to Gili Trawangan Island where we could rent bicycles to explore the other side of the island. Meeting a group of aerialists while in Ubud had me stumbling into my first aerial yoga class during sunset at the aptly named, Sunset Beach Yoga.

Sanur, Bali

With almost a month this time around, I was able to explore more of the beauty of the Balinese culture and people since eat, pray, love. Snorkeling in the Gilis while on a local concoction of magic mushrooms allowed our eyes to see the vivid colors fauna and creatures of the ocean. Like last time though, I was mistaken for a local Balinese a few times, affording me the opportunity to enjoy the benefits of being a local as well. I was happy that our last night was at the tip of Bali, one of the few places to enjoy both sunrises and sunsets, and as I flew out the following evening, I was blessed with my final sunset on Bali from the porthole of the plane as we were taking off.

* * * * *

I have paddle boarded a number of times in my life, primarily in the calm waters of lakes like Lake Tahoe or bays. With no daylight savings time, sunrise was a little after 5 AM, requiring a meet up time of 4:30 AM. So a sunrise paddle boarding excursion in the ocean was less than ideal for this night owl. But in the wee hours with the moon lighting my way, the East Vietnam Sea off the coast of Hoi An was as calm as lake waters. I went out further than I had planned, being lured towards the Cu Lao Cham Island, in the direction of the rising sun. We were not alone out in the expanse of the ocean, with the local fishermen rowing their basket boats out to check their nets, with one elated to share news of the few crabs that landed in his net that morning.

Perhaps because of the atmosphere that day, the sunrise was full of red, yellows and oranges, even before and after its peak at 5:19 AM. The brisk sea air, the undulations of the ocean, the hues in the horizon, and the titillating energy all around took me back (or forward) to the breathtaking minutes at a taste of heaven. I lost all track of time and awareness of anything else around me. It was perhaps the visuals that could have corresponded with the vibrations and energy I felt during my 5-MeO-DMT journeys (blast off).

It took me awhile to finally hear the sounds of my paddle board companions as they were calling out to me to not go out much further. We stayed out there for another hour or so, connecting with strangers (with one being a marine biologist) and discussing the miracles of life that humans have not acquired the knowledge to explain ... quantum physics, space-time continuum of a block universe (in the NOW) ... and in the end, we all agreed that we would choose to believe in magic and miracles.

As we got back to shore, there was so much activity, with some enjoying the beach for recreation and sport before the heat of the day became scorching and unbearable. It would seem as my friends were accurate when they said that the locals enjoy the beach and town before 8 AM and after 5 PM. According to them, the only people you see on the beach in between are the foreign tourists.

Hoi An happens to be one of those spots where one can catch sunrises and sunsets because of its topography. On the bridge in Old Town, without the obstructions of buildings or mountains, the locals gather before dusk to bid adieu to the brightest star in our skies.

* * * * *

While I knew that the lack of sun in recent decades has resulted in many illnesses and diseases, I have since learned of the benefits of the crepuscular rays to our bodies. At the low horizon, the sun's spectrum of light travels through more of the atmosphere, creating alternating bands of light with the highest contrast of blue and yellow lights. This contrast stimulates the photosensitive cells in the eyes, which in turn, is important to eye health and effects the hypothalamus pituitary parts of the brain, regulating not only the body's circadian rhythm but also hormones, impacting everything from metabolism to nervous system. Adjusting to the sunrise, sunset, Earth's vibrations and meal times of a location is one way to combat jet lag.

So not only are sunrises and sunsets music to our souls, they are driving forces to our bodies and health. Therein lies another magic and miracle of the universe. 

heart beats

Traveling again, especially to less developed countries, makes COVID seem like an episode of the Twilight Zone or Black Mirror. While some still wear masks, most are doing so to protect from the smog and pollution, especially when the primary mode of transportation is motorbikes. While many in my circle, including myself, contracted COVID, with some, as many as four+ times, luckily, none passed away from it.

But what will never fully be quantified will be the deaths that occurred because of COVID's impact in the world, from logistics/economy (e.g., overtaxed medical system, inability to get food and resources to those in need due to transportation and/or financial constraints) to mental health (e.g., depression, broken relationships, stress). The huge demand for emotional support animals also resulted in the unfortunate abandonment of such furry friends when life adjusted to a new normal, ranging from an increase of 25% in places like England to 50% in India. 

At the same time, in a country where animals were generally kept for functional purposes (e.g., security or rodent management), I was surprised and elated to see how pets are now being treated in Vietnam, with a significant increase in pet clinics/veterinarians, groomers, boarders, and even cat cafes for people to pay to spend time with the kitties. Walking past a Vietnamese man sitting on a little stool at a local street cafe cuddling and talking to his canine pal made my heart smile. Of course, the experience made me think of baby girl, followed by the excitement of the imminent adoption of her kin.

While I had wished I had captured the loving scene for my IG stories (a new way to catalog my travels), I was happy to just be present. Seeing an IG message from an old high school friend, who had shared that she had been enjoying my travel 'stories', I was saddened to hear the passing of my prom 'date' the day before. He had died of a heart attack in his sleep. He marks the third man in my circle and age group, with the other two being college classmates, who have been victims of the leading cause of deaths in the US since the start of the pandemic. Another close friend who was a surrogate father at a point in my life also succumbed to the disease; however, he was older and had a history battling the disease.

Unlike with the 'surrogate father', there was no warning, and perhaps with the stresses of the pandemic, it became the silent killer that we can't prepare for. When I had gotten word that Jay (22 and 11:11 (part 10)) passed right before Christmas 2020, intermixed with the initial shock was a smile and a knowing that Jay had beat us all in accomplishing his life's dream, that kept us up late at night for hours just connecting and talking about all the complexities of life. I knew that where I may have missed my initial train (11:11 (part 10)), Jay made his. I still feel Jay with me at times, as recently as saudade (part 6).

I knew that most news happen in Facebook, so upon hearing the news about my prom 'date', I temporarily reinstated Facebook, something I had deleted since the pandemic, to find that the news of his passing had not made it there yet. However, it was with a happy yet saudade heart that I soon discovered that he recently got married in December 2022. We weren't really in contact since high school, as I left a lot of that trauma behind for me. But when I had joined Facebook in late 2008, he found me and had messaged me to see how I was doing. We must have kept in touch sporadically after that as I have his contact information. In looking at our Facebook messenger chat, the next and last time we had contact was before the pandemic, when I had sent him a YouTube video on 'Twin Flames/Soulmates/Divine Partners - Searching For Answers', it must have been in response to a post he had as my intro was 'this may help you'.

As with Jay, I knew Steven had finally realized his dream. Much like Helen in Sliding Doors, he met his boo. He had struggled so long to come out of the closet and find 'home'. It seems fitting that it is also Pride Month, which although there still isn't a parade in Ho Chi Minh City to commemorate it, there are more visible signs including companies supporting and sponsoring activities around the city. It brings me such peace to know that for all of these men in my life, they were surrounded by love when their hearts stopped beating.

* * * * *

Update August 20, 2023:

At the age of 33, her heart also stopped in the middle of the night. As a pre-teen, she was diagnosed with long QT syndrome that caused her parents to pull her out of soccer which she loved. As an adult, she made the decision to live life and not let the condition debilitate her. Skydiving for her was not only defying gravity but also her genetic predisposition. She forgave easily and loved fully. Her family gifted me her last creation that had a special meaning to her, from the careful curation of the gemstones for their meaning and her favorite colors to her spirit animal that contain three hearts and nine brains, one in each tentacle and the biggest brain-to-body ratio of the invertebrates, making it one of the most intelligent marine species.

My Octopus Teacher brought us into their worlds, showing us the ability for these colorful creatures to form relationships with humans. While known to be solitary creatures, scientists are recently discovering the complexity of their ability to form relationships among themselves, utilizing colors to communicate, and with other species. In one experiment, four octopi were given MDMA, and despite serotonin transporters nearly identical to humans, scientists had hypothesized that its lack of the parts of the brain that results in behavioral changes from drug use would override, negating any impacts. They were surprised to see that the octopi were all cuddly.

This behavior has usually only been observed during mating, which marks the beginning of senescence and their eventual deaths. The female spends over six months guarding her thousands of eggs, unable to catch prey to nourish herself, slowing starving herself and with her last breath, uses her siphon to blow the hatchlings into their new world.

In her own way, Jessica left those she loved with parts of herself that will guide them to their new 'world'. I finished her special mala today before her memorial service. After cleansing and charging the energy in the moonlight, I set the intention of the mala to live fully and love wholeheartedly. While already on the journey of carpe diem and 11:11 (part 4), I know along with Jay, Jess will guide me towards the remainder of my journey.

tum-tum

Vietnam has changed a lot since I lived here, and even since my last visit in 2017 (same same but different). My first store that I ventured into had a full display of sex toys - something that was underground, recycled by expats as gifts to local girlfriends and confiscated at customs in the past (elvis has left the building). Yet, although accessible before, like Thailand (that's a-mores!), porn sites are now blocked.

While District 2 is full of Western influences in its restaurants and bars, menus have been customized to local preferences, like unpalatable and al fresco to go, While two of the top three selling pizzas of Al Fresco's Group are typical pizzas in Western countries, the other one (New Oceana) is specific to local tastes, comprising of bacon, tuna, onions and cheese while covered in Thousand Island dressing, with your usual ketchup and pepper packets as extras that Southern Vietnamese put on top of their pizzas (al fresco to go).

Even Pizza Hut introduced the Worm Pizza on April 1 of this year, resulting in many wondering if it was an April Fool's joke. But as noted by Saigoneer, it was launched to line up with Earth Day and one of the company's mission of sustainable sources of food, given the high protein content of silkworms.

Despite the general lactose-intolerance of its people (got milk?), there is now an abundance of affordable milk options from local to foreign sources, including Meiji and oat milk. I was surprised to find the only 'gluten-free only' restaurant in the country, considering the significance of coeliac disease in the US. While I knew that pasta in Italy (and other countries) tend to not contain gluten because of the lack of pesticides in locally sourced wheat, I had not realized that soy sauce contained gluten until I recently dated someone (synchronicity (part 2)) who sometimes had belly aches from Asian food. However, because most of the carbs in the Vietnamese diet is rice based, over 95% of the diet is gluten-free, including the locally sourced soy sauce. Much of the diet is also fresh, unprocessed and organic.

As locals start modifying their diet to incorporate those from other countries, they may find that the Southeast Asians may also have an intolerance to gluten. My 23andMe (full circle (part 3)) profile notes that I am likely to have alcohol flush (moments that matter (part 6)) and lactose intolerance, but coeliac disease is not something that is noted in my dashboard, as of yet, but then again, when I initially received my results, it lumped me in as Southeast Asian, a very broad stroke, and has over the years, refined it to Vietnamese, including specific regions, as more data is collected.

While Silvi Coffee Roasters also specializes in quality coffee, it boasts the country's only gluten-free menu focused on quality ingredients, and provides gluten-free products to other local restaurants and hotels. In my experience, not all gluten-free products and restaurants are created equal, and much like vegan options, I struggle to rehaul my diet because of the flavors and quality. However, I enjoyed the savory and sweet flavors and dishes that I experienced in this off-the-beaten-track gem. Yet in the modern day conundrum of business owners, the 'hidden' treasure for those suffering from coeliac disease would unfortunately get lost in the algorithms or meta tags of the savvy internet travelers. Hopefully, this helps shift the algorithm for them.

* * * * *

Update June 13, 2023:

It would seem from the knowledgable locals (e.g., my prior staff) that the country has only blocked international porn sites, and not the ones that are more regional. Rather than ask my old crew, I did a quick search and someone who seems to have a fetish for Vietnamese women, have already captured this (The 5 best Vietnamese porn sites) on My Sexpedition, filed under 'How and Where to Find Sex in Vietnam' and 'How and Where to Find Sex on the Internet'. He does list the international one that seems to be blocked now as number 4, but perhaps it worked in January 2023 and has fallen prey to the censor police.

extra-terrestrial

Although my recollection of my first plane ride was our band trip to NYC for the Macy's Parade my senior year (stamp collection), the reality is that the first plane was the one that took us from Asia to a refugee camp in the US. Throughout my childhood, we rarely took family vacations but when we did, it was usually a road trip to visit relatives in California. Sometimes, it seemed as if we packed more food and beverages for the multi-day trips than clothing. 

Perhaps from an innate fear of authorities, stemming from years in a communist country, being stopped at the state line caused some consternation between my parents. Unaware of the laws, they were confused when the officials at the border checkpoint had us turn over all produce, only to watch them dump them in the trash. Exposure to farms and/or transportation of meat or produce are common questions on all immigration forms worldwide. 

After getting approved for Global Entry, my first overseas trip was my friends' wedding in Spain many years ago. Excited to bring back a taste of the delicacy of jamon (cured ham), we went to a number of local spots to find properly packaged, quality jamon. Thinking my luck had turned, I was pulled for customs inspection, only to find out afterwards that the system automatically flags people based on travel locals (such as France, Germany, Italy or Spain for any cured meats) and profiles (e.g., new Global Entry individuals) to inspect. The official, with my name and picture in hand, was intentionally looking for me. Although the fine is up to $10k, the inspector luckily let me off with a warning after throwing away my expensive 'souvenir', most likely the initiation rite for many new members.

Like California, Hawai'i has strict regulations in order to manage insect infestations and disease outbreak that would be detrimental to the natural flora or fauna that would not have the natural defenses to protect itself from such species. Hawai'i, with its isolation in the Pacific Ocean, has uniquely adapted endemic species that would be highly sensitive to exposure to and/or competition from invasive species. Endemism is almost ten times richer on islands than on mainland. Rats, fire ants, mosquitoes, coqui frogs and asiatic rhinoceros beetle, to name a few, did not exist on the islands until the advent of foreigners. Even intentional introduction of foreign species had unintended consequences that have wreaked havoc upon the natural habitat. 

Mongooses were brought in to control the rat population in sugar cane fields; however, they are active during the day while rats are nocturnal creatures. Given their opportunistic predatory behavior, rather than control the rat population, it resulted in a reduction of snails, palms and nesting birds, which feed on rats, thereby increasing the rat population. In the 1800s, strawberry guava was brought in as an edible fruit but now threatens endemic flora and fauna because of its shade-casting thickets and dense mats of surface feeder roots.

Hawai'i also has strict guidelines and quarantine restrictions for pets, including service animals, which makes it a challenge for the spontaneous travelers. While the Big Island is the largest of the Hawaiian islands, its population is only a quarter of that of Oahu, the location of the capital. It is known for its agricultural and vast micro-climates, containing 10 of the 14 Köppen climate subzones, practically all but the ones in the Cool Snow Forest climate.

In addition to the active volcanos on the island (juxtaposition), soil transport is also an issue between the micro-climates of the Big Island, with signs warning visitors about bringing unwanted species from footwear or pets. Locals are mindful about acquiring plants from nearby resources rather than other parts of the island for fear of introducing unwanted pests onto their lands. Living on the mainland, even as a resident of the Bay Area, I was unaware of the magnitude of the dangers and long-term effects to the economy and ecology, amounting to over $120 billion to control and combat the impacts in the U.S. alone.

11:11 (part 14)

As I waited at the bus stop today, someone I had just thought about called as if she read my mind. After a energetically heavy week, my soul was feeling excited to be heading to lighter, loving energy, and that synchronous phone call seemed to be a good omen for the weekend ahead. At the same time I was going through my experience this week, I was also helping a friend through his, sharing my recent learnings from various sources, including the basic reminder to bushwhack through the ego. Both parties felt mistreated by the other and in reality, they were mirroring the same behaviors. He was struggling with repeating old patterns and had difficulties tapping into his Higher Self/Holy Spirit and come from a place of love. To my pleasant surprise, a miracle happened, probably the most proud I've been in his progress to date.

The bus ride to the other side of the island was beautiful - full of amazing ocean views, flora, fauna and local life in small villages. When the ACIM meditation started, a smile took over my whole body as it practically summarized my week:

"Lesson 75 - The light has come.

 1. The light has come. You are healed and you can heal. The light has come. You are saved and you can save. You are at peace, and you bring peace with you wherever you go. Darkness and turmoil and death have disappeared. The light has come.

2. Today we celebrate the happy ending to your long dream of disaster. There are no dark dreams now. The light has come. Today the time of light begins for you and everyone. It is a new era, in which a new world is born. The old one has left no trace upon it in its passing. Today we see a different world, because the light has come.

3. Our exercises for today will be happy ones, in which we offer thanks for the passing of the old and the beginning of the new. No shadows from the past remain to darken our sight and hide the world forgiveness offers us. Today we will accept the new world as what we want to see. We will be given what we desire. We will to see the light; the light has come..."

It felt so light being in the presence of a loving couple and their son. When they trusted me with something personal, it was natural to offer them my "service" to help them on a healing journey. At the same time, in disclosing an experience with mutual friends earlier in the year that had kept anger in me, they were kind to help me leave the anger in the past and forgive the parties involved. A testament to ACIM lesson 137 (spiritual masters) that we don't heal alone.

juxtaposition

Barren vs. Lush

Down by the hot pockets, the stark vastness of the devastation from five years ago is interspersed between the varying flora the Big Island has to offer along Route 137 in bushwhack country where everything is off grid, and rules seem to be lacking. While some roads were built and reconnected over the lava rocks, many remain buried. A few homes have been rebuilt on top of the black canvas, but with infrastructure completely wiped, many lots remain abandoned.

Sporadically, one can see the lucky souls whose homes were spared, oftentimes, barely as lava rocks abut within mere feet of the perimeter of the abode. The eruption lasted the entire summer of 2018 from May to August, impacting the air quality of the island (much like the aftermath of 9/11 (carpe diem and for whom the bell tolls)), forcing many to relocate to the mainland or surrounding islands. Some never returned.

When the lava lake at Halemu'uma'u overflowed onto the floor of the crater in the spring, it was an omen to something happening soon as the pressure continued to increase, until the lake collapsed (pū'iwa), draining the magma underground until it spewed a little above the Lower East Rift Zone, southeast of the island, bringing tens of thousands of earthquakes during that period.

Lava rocks for miles

Parts of the Lower Puna coastline has still yet to recover, taking out over thirty miles of road (including three miles of the Red Road between Pohoiki and Kapoho), ultimately covering almost fourteen square miles of land with many stories deep of lava, and displacing over 2,000 people.

The Big Island is the only one of the Hawaiian islands that has active volcanos. While the other islands are instituting policies to combat erosion (ease-dropping), the volcanic activity in 2018 added almost 900 acres of new land to the island, including the land surrounding the four additional hot ponds at Pohoiki (hot pockets).

The natives consider Mauna Kea (to infinity and beyond) and Mauna Loa (pū'iwa) (and the surrounding areas) sacred land, leaving prayers and ho'okupu (offerings) to Pele, in hopes of tempering her ire. Yet with her destruction comes creation - the circle of life.

to infinity and beyond

With the bright lights of city life, the twinkle of the night sky gets muted. A memorable moment for me was my first time on LSD and staring at the night sky above Joshua Tree. The dancing clouds amidst the backdrop of distant stars and moonlight was a visual art performance to behold.

I did not realize though that our atmosphere with the haze, air flow and moisture tend to distort the night sky with extinction (dimmer) and seeing (blurry), including airglow and aurora, reflections of light back onto us. At almost 14,000 feet above sea level and with its arid climate and stable airflow, Mauna Kea has one of the best conditions for stargazing. Continuing with new templates...the party continues (rub-a-dub-dub), laying on sacred land to glimpse the planets and other glowing orbs seem to be a fascinating new experience to an ancestral memory of native life.

"The best way to know if land is truly undiscovered is to seek words to describe it. When you can't, you know it's virgin land. Untouched by our dirty hands. To see it is to be silenced by it. Made speechless by its endless uniformity...

To crest a rise is to see another that is identical. One must read the sun and stars like a sailor to navigate this place. We've seen nothing but grass for over a week: no game, no birds, no snakes, not even a lizard, and no evidence the human race still exists... 

The dirty hand of man can go unnoticed in the city. Because his dirty hand made the city. But in this place, where innocence is a mineral in the soil, the filth of our touch is an apocalypse."

~ Elsa Dutton (1883 - Season 1, Episode 7)

In addition to the conservation and protection of the surrounding lands, laws ensure minimal light pollution around the island. Only 4x4s are allowed up to the summit. Lava rocks as far as the eye can see, there doesn't seem to be any life around as we ascended with periodic reminders to be mindful of altitude sickness. We are blessed with sunrises on the Hilo side but as we continued our climb up to the summit, the barrenness was filled with the juxtaposition of the amber and indigo hues from the West and East of the island.

Snuggled under blankets, breathing in the crisp, cold air, I was silenced by the awesomeness all around me. Without the atmosphere blurring what we see, humans can see approximately 5,000 stars with the naked eye. Absent the distortion from the Earth's atmosphere, I could even see the outline of the dark side of the moon as it sunk from the horizon of the ever-changing night sky, a reminder that not only the Earth is still spinning but also the moon is orbiting us.

Milky Way

What I thought were wisps of clouds turned out to be the Milky Way, as I was quickly reminded that we were above the clouds. I had overheard others nearby exclaiming sightings of shooting stars. While I was silently declaring that I wanted to see a shooting star before we left, I quickly dashed the thought away, as an emphasis to myself to be open to the experience without any expectations. I was rewarded with not one but two shooting stars, satellites and even a ... UFO sighting.

My friend was commenting that he hoped to see a UFO. I felt as if I had split with a part of me listening to his words and the other part completely entranced by a light, different than the other orbs in the sky. Unlike the satellites that we saw that night that seemed to glide by the stars in a trajectory, this one appeared to be flitting. Without thinking, I soon cut him off and asked if he sees this, pointing in the direction to guide his eyes. Just as he said it was getting brighter, it soon looked like it ascended as the light dimmed and then disappeared.

Birthdays have always been a day of reflection for me. Most of them have come with sadness...a wanting and wondering if and where I went astray from my path or destiny. Heading up Mauna Kea, I was in awe of what I was seeing ahead of us while my friend was admiring the beauty in his rear view mirror.

"There is an Indian proverb that goes, 'Sometimes, the wrong train takes you to the right station.' It was like that for me, too. Throughout my life, I always felt like I was on the wrong train. One time, I wanted to give up. I didn't want to go anywhere. So I thought about jumping off the train.

Look where I am now. I took the wrong train again, and a very wrong one at that. It even got me across the 38th parallel! 

Still, you should think about the future even if things don't always go as you wish. I wish you could be happy ... I want you to arrive at the right station no matter which train you take."

~ Yoon Se-Ri (CLoY - Episode 5)

As I looked through the side mirror when he told me to look at the view behind us, I was too focused on capturing the picture but as I scrolled through my photos tonight, what laid ahead and behind me were vastly different. In the present moment, it feels much like I got on the wrong train again, and like Se-Ri at that moment, we can derisively laugh at our situations. Yet, on this day, for a split second, in a moment of reflection, perchance, one can see a beauty in the snapshot in time where things may not have gone as I had wished but the wrong train did give me this moment of pulchritudinous respite of nature.

In the end, will destiny eventually guide me to the right station regardless of the countless wrong trains I had to take to get to bliss? Thinking about the future sounds akin to ... hope (ftale).

ease-dropping

Private property signs

In Hawaii, any land below the highest wave line (where wet sand meets dry sand during high tide) is considered public property. The public has an implied easement by dedication (a common law right to access to the shoreline via beach transit corridors on private property). It is one of the most common easement disputes on the islands, and historically, property owners had been creative in how they have discouraged people from accessing the shoreline, such as overgrowth of vegetation or building seawalls, further eroding shoreline available to the public.

Approximately a quarter of Hawaii's shoreline has been erased due to seawalls that have been installed both legally and illegally. Despite Hawaii's constitution, the wealthy coastal property owners, including one in Oahu tied to the Obamas, have been able to get around loopholes and/or pay to limit the public's access to shorelines.

The Department of Land and Natural Resources Office of Conservation and Coastal Lands is responsible for ensuring that governmental accesses are well maintained and that property owners, who are subject to fines and misdemeanors, are in compliance. We had heard that there was a path including five ladders down to the shoreline from our rental property. While not the easiest beach to get to, locals have ventured the trek for prime fishing. Unfortunately, the path we took led us back up to the road and we could never find the supposed ladders, even after using a drone to scope out the cliff which was entirely covered by vegetation.

Despite rumors of a dispute with the government over access rights, the property owner(s) near Lyman Bay (mermaid tears) have surprisingly cultivated a marvelous trail, carved from the local flora, along the Kapue Stream, showcasing its grandeur and history.

hot pockets

Kehena Black Sand Beach

The first time I went to a nude/topless optional beach was in Greece when my friend and I were meeting a B-school classmate in his home country. Unfamiliar with the local customs, we didn't find out until later that it is legal to go topless at all beaches in Greece, and while a conservative country with its religious affiliations, naturism has popped up at unofficial spots throughout the country and surrounding islands.

Typical American women in our 20s, we were fascinated by the Europeans' 'joie de vivre'. We spent countless minutes debating on whether we should or should not, especially since we were thousands of miles away from anyone we would know (other than our friend who was joining us later). Ultimately, we talked ourselves out of it. 

Soon thereafter, an elderly women laid her belongings near us and started to disrobe. Most likely, she was a bronzed goddess in her day and it was clear that she came from a time where SPF was not a factor in the fountain of youth. While buxom, gravity had taken its toll. In silence, we looked at each other and almost in synchrony reached back to untie our respective bikini tops. Later, in recounting the experience, we both realized that the woman had something that our womanhood craved...an air of confidence that nobody could ever touch.

After swimming in the ocean and feeling the movement of the water against my sensitive nipples, I felt such a sense of liberation and perhaps for the first time, the possibilities of where my body would take me if I let it. Unfortunately, our 'prudish upbringing' had us covering up before our friend joined us. While I have been on clothing-optional beaches since then, I stayed in conformity with my fellow companions.

The Pahoa area is a bit of the Wild West where people live off grid and seemingly no rules. At the top of the cliff are ad hoc food vendors, offering fruit and some grilled meats off the back of the trucks, a front for a side business offering herbal and plant medicine.

coconut refreshment

Unlike other clothing optional beaches I have gone to over the years, Kehena Beach was the first one where it seemed completely judgement free, regardless of whether one chose naturism, fully clothed and all variations in between. Children and pets, including chickens, were welcomed, and although there was no trash repositories anywhere, everyone embraced the Burning Man principle of 'leaving no trace' (rub-a-dub-dub). 

On Sundays, there is an amazing improv drum circle that resonates primitive sacral beats against the roaring of the surf. The energy of the place (a likely combination of Mother Nature and the inhabitants) felt different from saudade (part 2), perhaps laced with that air the Greek woman exuded. It was still there today even without the frivolity of the drum circle.

My first time a few weeks ago, I once again found myself falling into stride with my companion. Perhaps in rebellion of her judgments against women in alternative lifestyles and/or perhaps entranced by the primal movements of an African man with a body of Adonis, I felt the siren song of the elderly Greek woman from decades before. Although out of politeness, I asked my companion a few weeks ago and my companion today if they would be uncomfortable, it was more a gesture of formality. 

The last few years of exploration has gotten me more comfortable in my own skin. As I embraced that air that is untouchable today, I find myself wondering how the Greek woman's story unfolded and how her journey got her to place where her aura touched two strangers, and left a mark on at least one.

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Lava a few stories deep

Along the road to Kehena Beach is a juxtaposition of the dense forest and the barren black, a souvenir from the last eruption at Kīlauea's east rift zone in 2018. At the east side of Pohoiki Bay is where the new meets the old as the lava was halted by the coolness of the ocean waters, about 200 yards from the Isaac Hale Beach Park parking lot. Now cut off from Kapoho Bay and Leilani Estates, this part of the world is a bit remote but a little persistence and a beautiful surprise awaits amongst the lava rocks.

Unlike other hot springs on the mainland, the hot ponds at Pohoiki is clear and is trapped by the surrounding black sand or lava rocks created from the ocean currents inundating the bay with sediment from past eruptions. The water is heated underground by the active volcano and is released in various vents. The pond furthest from the ocean is the hottest and has registered temperatures as hot as 106 degrees, rising since 2020, which some believe are due to the brackish salt-water that has changed the water table underground, elevating the fresh-water to higher temperatures. The tides also seem to influence the temperatures throughout the day.

While not quite the texture of pumice stones, the lava rocks provided a decent alternative to exfoliation, and an impromptu soak in the hot ponds provided by Pele with the minerals from Papa or Ka-luahine was a beautiful way to end the day. We also met a lovely blue heeler named Kiko who amazingly was not deterred by the heated ponds, playing catch with me while her master floated in the pond.

* * * * *

Perhaps supercharged from the vibrations of the Earth, an inexplicable incident occurred as we stepped into the Thai restaurant in Pāhoa that evening. Another patron and my friend recognized each other from the hot ponds. I didn't quite connect the gentleman but maybe he was the person I clambered passed as we got to the smaller but hotter pond amongst the trees. I only saw his back as he was sitting, gathering his things. 

He was seated facing the windows while reading his book, waiting for his order. As the night progressed, I felt this pull on the left side of my body, which was facing him although he was not in my line of sight. I'm not sure when I made the recognition that it may have been attributed to him, but as my friend chatted with him on the way back from the restroom, I started to clean out my inbox on my phone, when I came across the word from a listing from the Redfin email at the same time he named the town he was staying in on the island...Pepeekeo. The first time I had seen or heard it, a mere five minutes from our rental.

Hesitant to voice it but driven to acknowledge it, I mentioned the strange feeling in my body and the simultaneous visual and auditory echoing of his town. Even as I put words to it, my throat started to constrict. I don't know when he left but I felt it as my body slowly released the tension. It was as if there is a knowing of his energy, perchance from another life or a foreboding or sanguinity yet to be fulfilled. I knew it was not the last time I would see Matt.

mermaid tears

With all the beautiful gemstones in the world, my eyes tend to gravitate to the simplicity of sea glass. While stuck in the torrential downpour during a Hilo Friday night market a week ago, I killed time at a local jeweler's booth until the sky seemed less angry, finding a muted turquoise sea glass necklace. The next day at the Hilo farmer's market, while meandering the booths, my eyes glanced upon something similar until I looked up and realized that it was the same vendor (and thus, same sea glass).

"I have spent many hours on the beach collecting sea glass, and I almost always wonder, as I bend to pick up chunk of bottle green or a shard of meringue white, what the history of the glass was. Who used it? Was it a medicine bottle? A bit of a ship's lantern? Is that bubbled piece of glass with the charred bits inside it from a fire?"

~ Anita Shreve 

Since reading Sea Glass, by Anita Shreve, I had the impression that sea glass was naturally made from the combination of colorful rocks and the chemical and physical intervention of the ocean. Rather, sea glass is made by man but refined by nature. It seems that sea glass can also be completely man-made by replicating what happens in nature, although it may lack much of the frosty covering. In nature, saltwater dissolves the lime and soda content (additives in glass production), resulting in the frost over sea glass, and the pulverization of the waves, salt and sand over 20+ years smooths the edges of broken glass.

Sea glass is becoming rarer as glass is being replaced by plastic. People, also, don't tend to bury their trash under the sand at beaches or carry their trash to sea to dump in the vast oceans like they used to. Still, with natural disasters and shipwrecks or the careless human tossing trash overboard or leaving them at beaches, broken shards from these discarded glass products tend to find their way to the shores of Australia, Italy, Puerto Rico, Mexico, northeast U.S., northeast England, the Isle of Man, and Hawaii. Although its genesis is one man's trash, because of its beauty and rarity, collecting sea glass is at times protected, with it being illegal at U.S. state parks.

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Plantation circa 1935 (imagesofoldhawaii.com)

At the end of Mill Road in Pāpa'ikou lies a nondescript gate with signs warning of private property (ease-dropping) and not allowing dogs, fruits, soil, or vegetation (extra-terrestrial). We had heard about a sea glass beach where the estuary of the Kapue Stream meets the Pacific Ocean, of an old sugar plantation. The agglomeration of sea glass is a byproduct of the devastation of tsunamis in 1946 and 1960, destroying nearby homes and businesses.

Pāpa'ikou Plantation was originally owned by Charles Hinckley Wetmore, a missionary doctor whose daughter became the first female doctor on Hawaii, and Edward Griffin Hitchcock, the youngest of three sons of early missionaries to Hawaii and tasked with running the family plantation, later becoming the Marshal of the Republic of Hawaii, responsible for arresting Queen Lili'uokalani during the 1895 Counter-Revolution in Hawaii. It was later consolidated with the Pauka'a and Onomea Plantations in 1888 to form the Onomea Sugar Company, resulting in a property that is 6-mile long along the eastern shore and 3-mile deep, with water from Kapue, Honoli'i, Pähoehoe, Wai'a'ama, Kawainui, Hanawi, Ka'ie'ie, and Ka'awali'i providing the hydro power for electricity and flumes. 

Remnants of sugar mill structure

Along the trail, hugging Kapue Stream, glimpses of years gone by blended in with the surrounding foliage and glistening brook. The trail has been well maintained without any bushwhacking necessary. Onomea was widely known not only as one of the most beautiful plantations but also for its innovation. It was the first to use commercial fertilization and constructed 55 miles of flumes to transport the sugar cane. 

While it was one of the last plantations to hand cut cane, it also invented a special plow, adapted to the local topography to protect its soil. In a labor intensive industry, many workers were imported from Japan, China, Puerto Rico and the Philippines, with families living on the land and offered free medical services. Fierce competition internationally caused many of the sugar plantations to close as they could not stay competitive with labor scarcity and rising wages.

The estuary was a refreshing respite from the hike and heat, as nature's gentle massage to the body. At first, the beach looked like many of the other black sand beaches on this side of the island with tiny refined pebbles from lava rock. But catching the light, a twinkle in the sea of black unearths nature's gift back to man...frosted white, amber, green, turquoise, seafoam, teal, cobalt blue.

"The only problem with looking for sea glass is that you never look up. You never see the view. You never see the houses or the ocean because you're afraid you'll miss something in the sand."

~ Sexton Beecher ("Sea Glass" by Anita Shreve)