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Vietnam has changed a lot since I lived here, and even since my last visit in 2017 (same same but different). My first store that I ventured into had a full display of sex toys - something that was underground, recycled by expats as gifts to local girlfriends and confiscated at customs in the past (elvis has left the building). Yet, although accessible before, like Thailand (that's a-mores!), porn sites are now blocked.

While District 2 is full of Western influences in its restaurants and bars, menus have been customized to local preferences, like unpalatable and al fresco to go, While two of the top three selling pizzas of Al Fresco's Group are typical pizzas in Western countries, the other one (New Oceana) is specific to local tastes, comprising of bacon, tuna, onions and cheese while covered in Thousand Island dressing, with your usual ketchup and pepper packets as extras that Southern Vietnamese put on top of their pizzas (al fresco to go).

Even Pizza Hut introduced the Worm Pizza on April 1 of this year, resulting in many wondering if it was an April Fool's joke. But as noted by Saigoneer, it was launched to line up with Earth Day and one of the company's mission of sustainable sources of food, given the high protein content of silkworms.

Despite the general lactose-intolerance of its people (got milk?), there is now an abundance of affordable milk options from local to foreign sources, including Meiji and oat milk. I was surprised to find the only 'gluten-free only' restaurant in the country, considering the significance of coeliac disease in the US. While I knew that pasta in Italy (and other countries) tend to not contain gluten because of the lack of pesticides in locally sourced wheat, I had not realized that soy sauce contained gluten until I recently dated someone (synchronicity (part 2)) who sometimes had belly aches from Asian food. However, because most of the carbs in the Vietnamese diet is rice based, over 95% of the diet is gluten-free, including the locally sourced soy sauce. Much of the diet is also fresh, unprocessed and organic.

As locals start modifying their diet to incorporate those from other countries, they may find that the Southeast Asians may also have an intolerance to gluten. My 23andMe (full circle (part 3)) profile notes that I am likely to have alcohol flush (moments that matter (part 6)) and lactose intolerance, but coeliac disease is not something that is noted in my dashboard, as of yet, but then again, when I initially received my results, it lumped me in as Southeast Asian, a very broad stroke, and has over the years, refined it to Vietnamese, including specific regions, as more data is collected.

While Silvi Coffee Roasters also specializes in quality coffee, it boasts the country's only gluten-free menu focused on quality ingredients, and provides gluten-free products to other local restaurants and hotels. In my experience, not all gluten-free products and restaurants are created equal, and much like vegan options, I struggle to rehaul my diet because of the flavors and quality. However, I enjoyed the savory and sweet flavors and dishes that I experienced in this off-the-beaten-track gem. Yet in the modern day conundrum of business owners, the 'hidden' treasure for those suffering from coeliac disease would unfortunately get lost in the algorithms or meta tags of the savvy internet travelers. Hopefully, this helps shift the algorithm for them.

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Update June 13, 2023:

It would seem from the knowledgable locals (e.g., my prior staff) that the country has only blocked international porn sites, and not the ones that are more regional. Rather than ask my old crew, I did a quick search and someone who seems to have a fetish for Vietnamese women, have already captured this (The 5 best Vietnamese porn sites) on My Sexpedition, filed under 'How and Where to Find Sex in Vietnam' and 'How and Where to Find Sex on the Internet'. He does list the international one that seems to be blocked now as number 4, but perhaps it worked in January 2023 and has fallen prey to the censor police.

extra-terrestrial

Although my recollection of my first plane ride was our band trip to NYC for the Macy's Parade my senior year (stamp collection), the reality is that the first plane was the one that took us from Asia to a refugee camp in the US. Throughout my childhood, we rarely took family vacations but when we did, it was usually a road trip to visit relatives in California. Sometimes, it seemed as if we packed more food and beverages for the multi-day trips than clothing. 

Perhaps from an innate fear of authorities, stemming from years in a communist country, being stopped at the state line caused some consternation between my parents. Unaware of the laws, they were confused when the officials at the border checkpoint had us turn over all produce, only to watch them dump them in the trash. Exposure to farms and/or transportation of meat or produce are common questions on all immigration forms worldwide. 

After getting approved for Global Entry, my first overseas trip was my friends' wedding in Spain many years ago. Excited to bring back a taste of the delicacy of jamon (cured ham), we went to a number of local spots to find properly packaged, quality jamon. Thinking my luck had turned, I was pulled for customs inspection, only to find out afterwards that the system automatically flags people based on travel locals (such as France, Germany, Italy or Spain for any cured meats) and profiles (e.g., new Global Entry individuals) to inspect. The official, with my name and picture in hand, was intentionally looking for me. Although the fine is up to $10k, the inspector luckily let me off with a warning after throwing away my expensive 'souvenir', most likely the initiation rite for many new members.

Like California, Hawai'i has strict regulations in order to manage insect infestations and disease outbreak that would be detrimental to the natural flora or fauna that would not have the natural defenses to protect itself from such species. Hawai'i, with its isolation in the Pacific Ocean, has uniquely adapted endemic species that would be highly sensitive to exposure to and/or competition from invasive species. Endemism is almost ten times richer on islands than on mainland. Rats, fire ants, mosquitoes, coqui frogs and asiatic rhinoceros beetle, to name a few, did not exist on the islands until the advent of foreigners. Even intentional introduction of foreign species had unintended consequences that have wreaked havoc upon the natural habitat. 

Mongooses were brought in to control the rat population in sugar cane fields; however, they are active during the day while rats are nocturnal creatures. Given their opportunistic predatory behavior, rather than control the rat population, it resulted in a reduction of snails, palms and nesting birds, which feed on rats, thereby increasing the rat population. In the 1800s, strawberry guava was brought in as an edible fruit but now threatens endemic flora and fauna because of its shade-casting thickets and dense mats of surface feeder roots.

Hawai'i also has strict guidelines and quarantine restrictions for pets, including service animals, which makes it a challenge for the spontaneous travelers. While the Big Island is the largest of the Hawaiian islands, its population is only a quarter of that of Oahu, the location of the capital. It is known for its agricultural and vast micro-climates, containing 10 of the 14 Köppen climate subzones, practically all but the ones in the Cool Snow Forest climate.

In addition to the active volcanos on the island (juxtaposition), soil transport is also an issue between the micro-climates of the Big Island, with signs warning visitors about bringing unwanted species from footwear or pets. Locals are mindful about acquiring plants from nearby resources rather than other parts of the island for fear of introducing unwanted pests onto their lands. Living on the mainland, even as a resident of the Bay Area, I was unaware of the magnitude of the dangers and long-term effects to the economy and ecology, amounting to over $120 billion to control and combat the impacts in the U.S. alone.

squatter's rights

My friends' parents split their time between Rome and Long Island now that they are retired. The father inherited an abandoned apartment in Rome that took years for the government to determine and certify the rightful heir. After putting investing in renovating the place, it is a wonderful place for them as it is conveniently located in the center of Rome within steps of Vatican City.

The apartment was in such disrepair that they had to practically gut everything and move walls and the basic layout. Squatters had used old furniture to burn on the floors of the apartment for heat. It was difficult to imagine what the place looked like prior to their renovation as its high ceilings and vintage shutters made it seem as if the apartment had such character all along.

As I traversed throughout Italy from the South to the North, I was amazed to see so many obviously abandoned homes. I have always loved houses with great bones and character, which explains why I purchased my homes in Houston and San Francisco. While I like certain modern amenities such as upgraded kitchens and bathrooms, it is rare to find high ceilings and the quality wood and materials used in the old days that withstand Mother Nature like earthquakes and hurricanes.

From the outside, I am so curious as to what resides inside these old walls as the external walls has such character that only old European homes have. Similar to California though, Italy has very liberal laws for squatters and renters. In addition, rental income is taxed at 50%. In San Francisco, many landlords may rent but do not invest in upgrade or maintenance of their properties as doing so would also increase property value and the related property taxes that would not be covered by the rental income despite the steep rental fees.

Such policies keep these properties abandoned throughout Italy as owners age and/or move but keep the property in the family rather than renovate to sell. After time, it also becomes fuzzy as to who is the true landowner as was the case with my friends' father.

As I spent more time with my friend during this trip than the entire period over the last 20+ years that I have known him, it occurred to me that like houses, we also require frequent upkeep and maintenance. While he blamed and complained about others and their effect on his confidence, the reality is that he has abandoned himself. He allowed squatters into his home. 

He justifies his negativity by complaining about people criticizing him rather than supporting and providing him advice. While I constantly had to reiterate to him that some of his friends (and family) stopped trying because he would get defensive at any advice they gave, he would try to say the words that someone (I) would want to hear rather than how he actually processed things by continuously noting that he agreed with my observations and was listening and trying to process my advice, but when asked by my 'baby sis' on his life at an attempt to get to know him, his quickly blamed me for all his problems and failures, which he later clarified upon her prompting that he should not care what others think, that everyone says the same thing about him.

At times it seems as if his reality is based on an entirely alternative universe. He oftentimes gets distracted with his phone and walks away social interactions under the guise of business. As we went to his favorite bar one night, he left us for hours as he kept himself busy playing behind the bar. The next day he comments on how it was such a great night hanging out with all my friends and the new friends we made. It left me scratching my head as everyone kept asking where he went all night.

So it came as no surprise when two men who just met him for a few hours at dinner, commented on separate occasions how he comes off as if he is hiding something. One man noted how my friend is either bored or somewhere else in his mind when the man was talking to him as his eyes were vacant to the point that it made the man uncomfortable. The other man also felt as if my friend was hiding something and not trustworthy for the man to invest significant time with him.

While he had other 'friends' coming to visit him while we were in Valdobbiadene, there were many times where I found myself entertaining his friends while he would disappear, again under the guise of business, when I knew otherwise. His alternate universe also had him believing that all his friends were having sex with all his exes as well. Although it should not have surprised me, I was amazed when he told my friends that it was because of him that one of his friends was interested in me in reclaiming the cunt (part 8), when the reality is that it was despite him.

After spending weeks trying to help a 'friend,' it occurred to me that like (wo)man in the mirror, trying to help an owner renovate an abandoned house, when the owner has chosen to abandon it himself and allow squatters to trample all over it, was a complete waste of my time and energy.

* * * * *

One of the bars in town center of Valdobbiadene is Bar Caffè Roma which probably also has the best view of the piazza and people watching festivities. I was shocked to find their restroom taking me into a time warp and for a split second, I was confused as to whether I was back in Southeast Asia. Europe, including Italy, is considered a Western and modern world. It made me wonder how much of Europe, with its old buildings, have not been upgraded and still have squat toilets in its establishments. I ended up walking out as there were no hooks or shelves to keep my personal belongings from sitting on the tiled floor. Truth be told, although it was relatively clean (compared to the ones I have experienced in Southeast Asia) (farmer's tan), I was looking for an excuse to bail as with the prosecco in my belly, it was more likely that I would have tipped over or fallen in. 😳

jumping through hoops

Since marijuana has become legal for all adults to use in California, the quality has significantly increased, commensurate with the prices of course, as the government has significantly taxed the distribution of such. However, I was surprised to see how common the use of it was even with Americans traveling from the East Coast, where it is not yet legal although the NYC mayor recently instructed the police to stop making arrests for marijuana usage.

Vaping has become more common and has made it a bit more challenging to determine whether someone is vaping tobacco or other products. Flavored cartridges with different strains have also added to the popularity. While in Rome, a taxi driver coyly asked us after realizing that we were Americans, if we had a spare charger for his vape that he could purchase. It could not be purchased in Italy and he had gone for months without being able to use his vape. Luckily, one of my travel companions had the same type and had a spare charger to give him. As she also knew she did not want to risk bringing an extra filler back into the states, he also got the lucky bonus of that as well.

Italy has gone back and forth over the last few decades in regards to legalizing marijuana. The Vatican is on its soil yet it also struggles with the Italian mafia and the questionable quality that may be consumed by its citizens who have obtained such products from these sources. Over the years, marijuana use has gone from illegal to decriminalized.

It was interesting to find out though how many people grew it for their own personal use, taking advantage of a loophole. Due to the obvious smells from growing a cannabis plant indoors, especially in apartment buildings in the North where it is not as warm throughout the year, Italians have gotten creative in their green thumb adventures. Technically, it is illegal to sell marijuana for personal use other than medicinal purposes, but it is not illegal to sell or purchase the seeds or to consume given the decriminalization efforts.

One man told me how he would plant the seeds annually in the countryside on others' properties and periodically check on his plants. He was happy to even provide his recommendations of the best varietal and hybrid seeds. Another laughingly shared how his friend tried to hide the obvious odor from neighbors in his apartment building. One pharmacist, who avoids using synthetic drugs himself, also is a source for his close friends as he is known for also being a cannabis horticulturist.

self service

Up in the hills of Valdobbiadene is an old stone house, nestled in the middle of a vineyard, that serves as an osteria (place that serves wine and simple food). However, other than basics like ingredients and tools for making your own coffee and simple outdoor furniture, there is no person managing or working at the osteria.

Parking at Osteria senz'Oste is ad hoc between the vines. My friend (crushing grapes), who has made annual excursions to Valdobbia-dene for harvesting took us there simply for the amazing views. However, he has always missed the signs leading to the prosecco vending machines. While he knew they existed, as one is located in the vineyards near the parking area, which doubles as parking for a wine tasting room, not affiliated with the osteria, he never loitered long enough to realize that people brought and/or bought items for a beautiful day in the sun and vineyards for a long and lazy aperitivo.

Following the signs takes one through paths up the hill, meandering through the vineyards until one gets to the top of the hill where there are larger vending machines to purchase bottles of different types of prosecco. Another vending machine provides water bottles and simple food that usually is provided with aperitivo. Plastic cups hang from the sides of the vending machines.

While there are picnic tables and benches at the top of the hill near the vending machines, the more intimate setting is below next to the vineyards at the side of the hill with pergolas covered with trailing vines and overhanging bunches of grapes.

We ended up spending an entire afternoon, sharing over seven bottles of prosecco between five people enjoying the company and beautiful atmosphere. We made a number of new friends with many groups sharing snacks, desserts and other bottles of wine, some of which were in unmarked bottles brought from home (moonshine). With overlapping languages with not all speaking any particular language, it became easier to understand each other being under the influence.

After harvesting that day from her family's vineyards, a woman who manages the inventory in the vending machines stopped by to check the stock, and coordinate with my friend on harvesting with her family the rest of the week. In her curiosity on how such a hodgepodge of different people had congregated together, she soon discovered that we represented U.S. (New York, Connecticut, Texas, and California), Vietnam, Japan, France, Switzerland and Italy (Meolo and Venice), with many just meeting each other that day. While some had left a bit earlier, she felt it was worthy of a Facebook post on the osteria's page. These moments with locals and new friends are some of the most amazing  and cherished memories from my travels.

* * * * *

In the land of love, vending machines with various prophylactic sheaths are visible sporadically near town centers. They are even installed in schools in Rome. Safe sex is available 24/7 and most likely attributes to one of the lowest birth rates in Europe. The machines offer many options for every fancy.

Perhaps I am used to the American men who make any excuse to not use protection as it impacts their sensitivity, it was great that Italian men seemed always prepared, even if it was to ask friends for any spares. Rather than take the additional risk of potential breakage with ultra-thins on the market today, I also noticed that there was a tendency to use the thicker latex options.

In some cases, perhaps it was to prolong the experience with his partner. For others, it does cause some challenge in climaxing in the usual way, and other methods are used to finish. One man even joked that it is great for protection from any residual feces during anal. As Monty Python croons 'always look on the bright side of life'.

what's in a name?

Although most young people in Italy have taken more than 10 years of English as a second language course, many do not have the luxury of putting it into practice, so while many may understand parts of what I say, they tend to not feel confident to speak it. However, sometimes we take words for granted and while foreigners try to learn the meaning of words, oftentimes, there is no rhyme or reason to the grammatical rules or the etymology of the English language. Why is 'i before e except after c'?

Over dinner last night, an Italian man had asked me to confirm location of bridges. He had gotten Brooklyn Bridge confused with the Golden Gate Bridge. He grew up loving Brooklyn gum; however, I had never heard of that brand before. Brooklyn Gum is made in Lainate, Italy; was the first chewing gum produced in Italy in the mid-1950s; and is only sold in Italy. It comes in two flavors: spearmint and chlorophyll. Despite the flavor, chlorophyll does not taste green, if green were to have a taste. His favorite was spearmint so of course, I had to give it a taste test, which turned out to be like any other Wrigley spearmint gum. While I did find it on Amazon, it comes with the cost of importing it from Italy.

His girlfriend, on the other hand, asked why fellatio is called 'blowjob', when it generally involves sucking. While the origin of the slang is up for debate ranging from slang for prostitute as 'blowsy' to the climatic result of an orgasm being referred to as 'blow', it would seem to be a bit ironic to call it such. Some of the Italians with bellies that night started to joke that they got a lot of 'blowjobs' which explained the size of their gut sticking out while drawing attention to the one Italian-American who was on the slimmer side and whom therefore, did not benefit from blowjobs based on that logic. The reality hitting a bit close to home, causing a bit of unwanted tension carrying over from reclaiming the cunt (part 8).

On the flip side, Italians also have slang that may not be so intuitive. Limone, which is the word for lemon, is also slang for French kissing (kissing with tongue). The verb version is limonare. Similar to blowjob, there is a bit of debate on its origin, ranging from the kitchen utensil used to squeeze lemons resembling a tongue to fruit vendors in Lombardia selling lemons in pairs.

Scopare could either mean to sweep or to fuck. While usually a tree is masculine ('o' ending) and its fruit is feminine ('a' ending) (e.g., melo for apple tree and mela for apple), fico represents both the fig tree and its fruit, as fica is slang for cunt (also spelt figa, with sfiga meaning bad luck). Quite the tongue twister, making it easy to get one's tongue tied.

family ties

Many psychologists believe birth order have profound effects on one's personality. It is part of the age-old question of nature vs. nurture. Being one of three, I sometimes understand how parents raise children differently based on birth order and gender. While I had heard about the three men from a mutual friend, I disagree with his assessment of the Calegaro brothers after spending individual time with them.

The older brother, who was supposed to be groomed to take over the family business, was a loner of sorts. Hair in a ponytail, traveling the city center via bicycle, he was rumored to be a Peter Pan. However, he seemed to me to be very much like the burners I have met lately, even having been many years before during one of the original Burning Man before it became so commercialized. He has tried many different types of drugs including growing his own marijuana in the countryside.

He did not want to be a part of the family business, much preferring the digital software world where he could work alone and in a more flexible schedule. In his rebellion, the responsibility then fell to the second-born, who had to forgo university to go straight into the business. My understanding of the Italian elite comprise of a combination of old money and/or education. While the family business has been doing well since 1921, it is considered more new money, and his lack of university seems to be a deterrent in being part of the elite social circles of Italy although the family is well-known in their home town.

For a brief period of time, the youngest was able to explore his passions of living abroad, chasing risks and writing as his creative outlet (for whom the bell tolls). Yet he was called back to the family business. Having published a few books, he also works as a freelance editor and has a side business training dogs. 

In a case for nature, the oldest and youngest brothers have more of their mother's disposition while the middle child is more like their father. The parents, while traveling and dining together, have chosen to live apart to maintain their relationship with the extroverted and social father living in the city center and the introverted mother tending to her countryside garden in a big house on a hill away from the hubbub of city life.

While the oldest is known as the 'failure' in the family, he is the one to break free to follow his authentic self. While our mutual friend felt sorry for the middle child who could not go to university which the friend claims is what is holding the middle brother from being part of the social elite, I think the friend is just projecting his need to be successful as defined by money and the social ladder. In their own ways, each brother is trapped in either the family obligation and/or the stigma of not aligning with the family expectation, when nature and nurture are at odds and cause conflicts in one's self, finding their own individual escape in drugs, running or writing.

tear down the walls

With Trump looking to build walls to exclude foreigners under the guise of protecting American jobs from undocumented workers, Italy has been evolving in the last few years to improve labor laws to protect low-skilled laborers and immigrants and create more transparency in doing so.

Harvesting, especially in the wine industry, does not require tremendous skill. Clippers and buckets are really the necessities. A few years ago, the local farmers' union created an initiative called 'Harvest of Solidarity' to promote matching the supply and demand of local seasonal laborers, mostly young although not limited to such and unemployed. It has also changed the local perception of this type of work as well, which is an interesting outcome given the irony of some Americans arguing that immigrants are stealing jobs that the Americans did not want.

During harvest, landowners are required to document their workers, including family members and neighbors (crushing grapes). This is to create transparency as well as protect everyone from cheap laborers (€1.5 an hour) working 12-15 hours per day. Periodically, planes fly by to snap pictures, counting the laborers on each vineyard to compare to the document provided by the landowners. Fines are up to €3k per infraction, enough to provide a deterrent in the local market.

crushing grapes

Well almost.

I was never a fanatic for I Love Lucy, but the episode where she and her best friend stomped on grapes to make wine seems to have stuck with me as one of those cool experiences. I finally decided to join my friend who owns a prosecco label to harvest season in Valdobbiadene, the finest prosecco region in Italy.

While they no longer crush grapes by stomping on them, they also generally harvest with machines. However, the beauty of Valdobbiadene is that the vineyards are on the mountain side, too steep for machinery. Every harvest is entirely done by hand. In many cases, the vineyards are family owned, and as each section of land is so diverse in its topography (e.g., soil, limestone, rainfall, sunlight), harvest even within the same vineyard is usually done when an agronomist or viticulturist determines  that various vines have the appropriate sugar content, so are done in batches.

My first experiencing harvesting with the top agronomist in Valdobbiadene and his family was definitely an unforgettable experience. The forecast called for rain, which would have made the steep hills challenging as well as the battle to beat the rain, in fears of it diluting the fruit content. With waterproof booties, long socks, and clippers in tow, we were prepared for what nature had in store for us. However, she graced us with a beautiful sunny day with crisp air and the magnificent aroma of grapes and slight fermentation. 

Although his vineyard is less than an acre, this is his passion, and harvest is family time for him, ranging at least three generations. Every vine is passed over at least by two sets of eyes with neighbors helping each other. Lunch was prepared by the matriarchy of the clan, and served on a picnic table nestled in the vineyards with all the fineries of Italian culinary delights of prosciutto, cheese, pasta, olives, peppers, prosecco, torte, and caffé perfecto (coffee with homemade grappa).

While I did not understand everything that was said, I shared in the laughs and family frivolity such as when the parents pointed out the massive hickey that the older son had on his neck, resulting in his face turning beet red. While other vignerons were selling their best harvest in many years to vintners, Giovanni chose to keep his batch to make his own blend of bubbles for personal use.

They did offer the silly American an opportunity to fulfill my dream of crushing grapes by throwing some poorer quality grapes into a bowl so that I could stick a foot on it but the dream was just in living out the day with a beautiful and gracious family rather than some silly stomping of grapes.

sound healing

SOFAR Sounds started in 2009 in London when a friend invited a few friends to his pad to listen to another friend perform live music. Almost a decade later, this has expanded to 431 cities and is an opportunity for locals and tourists to experience local performers, as well as an opportunity for local performers to share their gifts to the community and expand their following.

The location and the performers are a surprise to those who attend until 24 hours in advance. In certain cities, performances are offered almost every day of the year. My house was built in 1878, and the previous owner had used it as a bed and breakfast, often renting out rooms to Broadway performers who were looking to stay close to the entertainment district of Fillmore yet away from the busy downtown where the theaters that housed the Broadway shows were located. As he passed on the keys to the house, he relayed stories of the guests often hanging out in the front parlors, inviting friends like Carlos Santana, to perform impromptu gigs and sing-a-longs into the wee hours of the evenings.

As the furniture from the staging was removed from the house, I did not have the heart to replace them, and it seemed that with the empty space, it was a great opportunity to get the house back to some of its roots and creativity, providing a venue for performers to share their vibrations and expand their sound healing. The organizer had noted that night that he had not seen such a great set as that night in a very long time, as the three performers (Carolina Story, William Wild and Speakease) were very symbiotic in their sounds, with one traveling as far as Tennessee to grace us with their magic.

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Update January 15, 2019:

I found myself committed to hosting a SOFAR Sounds event during a tough moment in my life, and while I had made excuses to not be present during the event, I found myself drawn to the music. I am grateful for The Carrots, Andrew Duhon and Dux for lulling me to its vibrations, drawing me out of my room and reminding me to be in the moment, providing me with the sound healing that my soul needed at the time. 

yellow

I have spent my entire life denying my heritage (full circle (part 4)). Although I was 'banana', I craved to be 'vanilla' for so long. While not my initial plans, my adventure to Vietnam pivoted my life in the most unexpected course.

My friend had me read the Crazy Rich Asian series, and while I was not so excited about the storylines, it seemed to be the latest hype since Joy Luck Club. Another friend had invited me to a pre-screening, and the significance seemed so lost on me. Yet, I would watch on Facebook how numerous pre-screenings were sold out with many waitlisted. Many were buying out theaters to host events, and others were offering to purchase free tickets to those who could not afford the luxury just to support #GoldOpen. 

With an all Asian cast and $30 million budget, it opened with 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with a $34 million with a limited opening in the U.S. and Canada, far exceeding the expectations of $18 million. For the first time, I enjoyed the movie much more than the book. One of my favorite scenes which was inserted because of Michelle Yeoh's refusal to portray a villainous tiger mom resonated with me for the symbolism of two strong, independent women who recognized and respected the other for each other's vulnerabilities and sacrifices, and the power that comes from enabling rather than competing with each other. 

Of course, two of my favorite songs were covered in two of my favorite scenes. The movie serves as a reminder of my time in Vietnam and subsequent travels that not all Asians look alike, and there is more diversity in who we are as ethnicities as well as individual persons. We all have our stories but in the end, we are more powerful in supporting each other and being role models for the children who see that all things are possible. Parallel to my discovery during my sexplorations over the last few years, vanilla is boring, and we are all more rich for the different flavors that satisfy our cravings.

* * * * *

Update August 21, 2018:

Dear Chris, Guy, Jonny and Will, 

I know it's a bit strange, but my whole life I've had a complicated relationship with the color yellow. From being called the word in a derogatory way throughout grade school, to watching movies where they called cowardly people yellow, it's always had a negative connotation in my life. That is, until I heard your song. 

For the first time in my life, it described the color in the most beautiful, magical ways I had ever heard: the color of the stars, her skin, the love. It was an incredible image of attraction and aspiration that it made me rethink my own self image. 

I remember seeing the music video in college for the first time on TRL. That oner shot with the sun rising was breathtaking for both my filmmaker and music-loving side. It immediately became an anthem for me and my friends and gave us a new sense of pride we never felt before...(even though it probably wasn't ever your intention). We could reclaim the color for ourselves and it has stuck with me for the majority of my life. 

So the reason I am writing this now, is because I am directing a film for Warner Bros. called CRAZY RICH ASIANS (based on the best selling novel) and it is the first ALL-ASIAN cast for a Hollywood studio film in 25 years. Crazy. We were recently featured on the cover of Entertainment Weekly to commemorate the fact. 

The story is a romantic comedy about a young Asian-American women (played by Constance Wu) from New York coming to terms with her cultural identity while she's visiting her boyfriend's mother (played by Michelle Yeoh) in Singapore. It's a lavish, fun, romantic romp but underneath it all, there's an intimate story of a girl becoming a woman. Learning that she's good enough and deserves the world, no matter what she's been taught or how she's been treated, and ultimately that she can be proud of her mixed heritage. 

The last scene of the movie shows this realization as she heads to the airport to return home a different woman. It's an empowering, emotional march and needs an anthem that lives up and beyond her inner triumph, which is where Yellow comes in. 

It would be such an honor to use your song that gave me so much strength throughout the years, to underscore this final part of our film. And for me personally, it would complete a journey that I've been going through, fighting to make it in the movie business. 

I know as an artist it's always difficult to decide when it's ok to attach your art to someone else's - and I am sure in most instances you are inclined to say no. However, I do believe this project is special. I do believe this is a unique situation in which the first Hollywood studio film, with an All-Asian cast is not playing stereotypes or side-players, but romantic and comedic leads. It will give a whole generation of Asian-Americans, and others, the same sense of pride I got when I heard your song. I know it's recontextualized but I think that's what makes it powerful. I want all of them to have an anthem that makes them feel as beautiful as your words and melody made me feel when I needed it most. 

Your consideration would mean so much to me and our project. 

I can show you the movie if you want to see the context, or talk to you if you have any questions. Thank you for taking the time to listen. 

Much love, 

Jon M. Chu

Source: This Letter the Director of 'Crazy Rich Asians' Wrote to Coldplay Is a Masterpiece of Emotional Intelligence 

stone skipping (part 11)

One of my aha's from my time in Vietnam is how I enjoy mentoring others, specifically women or minorities who have the additional challenge of trying to level their playing field and where mentors are easily accessible. This inspired the stone skipping series. Somehow though, without necessarily putting it out to the universe, I have observed an influx of others connecting me with random people that they believe I could somehow share my experiences or insights.

While I did not advertise my departure (silver fox), some have noticed it on LinkedIn. A month ago, a woman whom I had some interaction during one of the women's development programs I facilitated a few years ago, contacted me as she wanted to better understand my career pivot. She was at a crossroads. Her husband and she live separate lives due to work (he in Arizona, she in California). Her leader was grooming her to be his replacement when he retires in 6 years. Yet she was getting bored, and despite her efforts to expand her role, kept running into 'deaf ears'. Morale has caused some significant turnover in her group. All of that intermixed with some personal matters like starting a family.

She reached out to me this week as she was in town. She wanted to let me know that based on our last discussion about my pivot and challenging her to think 'big' and with a 'clean slate' rather than the immediate paths that we 'pigeon hole' ourselves into as what we would be qualified for given our current experience, she had an 'aha' moment while trying to plan a social event. As she was relaying how she got to her decision, her face transformed and by the end, she had this beautiful smile, and glow to her face. While her husband is supportive, it is an entire pivot, and she even retorted that good thing she has her own money to invest any way she wants - the financial independence that allows us to find our happiness.

It was not just a fleeting thought as she had started to research (and contact) suppliers as well as federal and state laws to start her eco-friendly venture. She also noted how liberating it felt to finally know what she wants to do in life. Watching her made me tear up with happiness. I have always admired people who have the courage to find and follow their passions (stone skipping (part 1)). Her quiet excitement as contagious.

Later that evening, I met another friend (surprising inspiration) who is finally seeing her long-time dream of being a New Yorker become reality. It was her last meal in San Francisco so we chose a 10-course chef's tasting menu at Octavia. She's a foodie and it was her 30th Michelin star restaurant. During dinner, she was relaying stories about two coworkers that she felt 'weird' being mentor for women older than her. She kept saying she had to 'channel me' while doing so. I assume it has to do with how to communicate in a way that others would be more receptive, and some of the things I have told her in the past to help her through some of her challenges. Either way, it was great to see her paying it forward and making her own ripples.

stone skipping (part 10)

It would seem that despite my initial disappointment (11:11 (part 8)), and with the foresight of my attorney friend who insisted that I put in writing 'sexual harassment,' 'discrimination,' 'retaliation,' 'hostile work environment,' and the length of time since I initially spoke up in my resignation letter to the chairman of the board, they have started to take the investigation seriously and have spoken to at least two of the witnesses, as the ladies have reached out to me in confusion given the evasiveness of those investigating.

One seem to have had physical and emotional reaction after her meeting with the investigators. For the entire afternoon she was numb, wondering what she could have done differently, especially after she noticed my 'out of office' I have retired message on Skype. One of the married men (kissing my boo-boos) had cornered her in the coffee room to ask her about my personal life soon after the incident, as well as on a few other occasions. At the time, she had asked me how well I knew him as she thought it was odd but I did not disclose to her that he had trapped me in a hotel room.

We never discussed it again and as they questioned her, it dawned on her what occurred. In hindsight, she realized that she had seen all the signs based on my body language including shaking hands, but pushed it out of her mind. She was so shaken that she spoke to her partner the next day to take some time off starting this week, and reached out to me to meet for lunch today. For a week she could not shake the guilt. When she met another mutual friend yesterday, they discussed what occurred. The mutual friend asked her a simple question, and as she relayed it, her arms went numb for most of the car ride when she realized that it triggered a sexual assault that she had buried so deep since the age of 16.

She is still processing it but she feels as if she is being called to work for a not-for-profit or somehow get involved in helping women who have encountered sexual assaults/harassments. She was troubled that it took them so long to talk to her. I suggested that we not spend negative energy to get mad about that and can only do our part in doing the right thing (silver fox). As I told her, even if it helps change one life, even if it makes a small ripple, regardless of whether the firm holistically changes the culture and tone at the top, it would have been worth finding my voice and speaking up. She seems to be focusing on finding happiness herself, and I shared my journey in the last few months and my catharsis from unpacking it all. Hopefully, it was enough 'food for thought' for her as she heads to Hawaii to start unpacking hers.

silver fox

Rest In Peace

9/23/93 - 1/27/18

Walking the halls 25 years ago in New York City, 'bright-eyed and bushy tailed', I was not one of those new hires that thought I would be a partner and stay until retirement. I was taught to be grateful that I was employed. My goals at the time were limited to two years, enough to get my CPA and then skedaddle to Wall Street.

Opportunities, but mostly people, pivoted my plans. I learned a lot; I accomplished a lot. It served as a stomping ground for me to face challenges, build my survival toolkit, observe behaviors and refine my filters to define the 'good peeps' in my life (some I consider family), and find my passion. Each contributing to chipping away the walls I built from childhood, and the bubble that my mentor (moments that matter (part 3)) and others like him created for me to enable me to work on eroding the insecurities of years past.

The transition from the initial kissing my boo-boos to 11:11 (part 8) made it seem like a 'walk in the park' yesterday. In so many ways, it was like the journey in 2016 that was the 'beginning of the end' from ftale to 22 and moments that matter (part 2). In a balance of irony for the day, although I was trying to 'hide' on a different floor, one of the men involved in one of my sexual harassment situations was in the next office, which only served as a reminder that I was doing the right thing. It was countered though as I ran into one of my mentees who had started in San Francisco around the time that I started and who had periodically sent me messages and gifts over the last few months while I was on leave. He did not know about my situation, but it was great to see his smile and immediate embrace when he saw me.

My last act of the day was to drop off my computer and badge. Three men who welcomed me when I first moved to San Francisco were also the last to hug me before I exited the same doors. While the practice still wants me to have a big send off, I decided to do it on my own terms yesterday and quietly, peacefully walk into a brisk sunny day to renew my unicorn hair. The electric blue hues added an exciting spark to end the day.

Not only did I make partner but after recent changes in our partnership agreements, I am also officially a retired partner with pension in tow. Not bad for a refugee on a boat. I never once looked back. A part of me felt like I should have been sad, but I could not control the smile that formed on my lips as I walked into that sunshine.

11:11 (part 8)

Within seconds of seeing 11:11 tonight, a friend also posted 11:11 on his Facebook. It would seem as if one of his friends is into numerology. I realized that the entire day, I had seen 11:11 AM, 1:11PM and 11:11 PM, not quite clicking that it is also 1/11. While I knew 2018 is the universal year 2 (after last year's universal year 1, 11:11 (part 2)), it did not occur to me until his post that 2018 is universal year 11, reduced to 2.

Today, after giving them 3 months with no results (emptying my coffers), I decided to tender my resignation. A part of me is disappointed that the firm I believed in did not step up to changing the culture during the #MeToo movement, especially with a woman in the CEO seat. The other part is relieved in that they have made my decision so easy, the path of least resistance, eliminating any mixed feelings I may have after almost 25 years, of which I had given a lot of my 'blood, sweat and tears'.

Perhaps it was coincidence or another sign that my resignation was sent at 4:07 PM - another 11.

moments that matter (part 6)

Watching too much Law & Order: SVU had me wondering for awhile whether my lack of memory prior to fifth grade had to do with some sexual trauma, or any trauma for that matter. I had even asked my parents at some point in my 20s whether they were aware of anything. My college roommate, who was studying to be a social worker, had suggested I go to therapy and get hypnosis performed. I was torn between temptation of knowing and fear of knowing all at the same time.

A combination of Virgo/Mars in retrograde traits (face of the girl (part 1)), romantic notions of the "one" and sexual repression ingrained in me from childhood had me overanalyzing all potential mates before the first date, which then would not occur once it was determined he was not husband material. Coupled with the Asian flush, I was lucky to never really get into a pickle that would put me in a potential awkward situation. Needless to say, I was a late bloomer even by traditional standards. I definitely talked the talk but didn't walk the walk.

After 9/11 though and feeling as if I escaped destiny (or realizing that it was my destiny), I also concluded that I did NOT want to die a virgin (cougartown). With my Mars in Aquarius though, it explains why it became so transactional to me despite my romantic notions. A friend though had the foresight to reject my offer, and protect himself as I was callous and not sensitive to his situation, regardless of intentions.

Although not the most ideal situation by the standards of many, he was with me through a number of firsts. The first time was comical, especially after a build up in my mind but I could not have asked for a better situation the second time. When most regret their first time, I remember mine with fondness. It was also with relief to see the sea of red on the white, ensuring at least that perhaps my memory lapse wasn't due to sexual trauma.

All good things, or at least most, must come to an end, and while his narcissistic tendencies (genetic from his father) eventually could not be contained, he has always taken the time to wish me happy birthday, regardless of whether we were in contact or not. He is the only one in my life who has never forgotten, and for that, I'm grateful. It also occurred to me, when talking to a friend in January, that now that he's in a leadership role (stone skipping (part 4)), he's continued to look out for me, even when I was trying to get a package and asked him not to waste any political capital on me. That is my karma. 😐

The body has a way of protecting itself, whether signs of stress or memory lapses. I had resigned myself a while back to let go of those memories from my childhood. I have memories of the great parts of that period (moments that matter (part 1)), and that is all that matters. While I was a late bloomer, I am blessed to have discovered that part of me, as a confident and more liberated woman, and with a man, who despite his 6'3" frame, never made me feel small. I am having a great time making up for 'lost time' now.

He has commented in the past of his disappointment that I don't seem to always remember his birthday so with that, happy birthday BT!!

emptying my coffers

Today, I finally started to unpack, literally and figuratively, from the week of the 18th. My hospital bag had been sitting next to the washing machine, and the blood smears on the floor have turned brown. Friends offered to hire someone to come clean, but for various reasons, I had to go through the process myself.

The blood-stained clothes had to go through at least two cycles as the smell still lingered for me. The 29th was to be my last day. In a last minute negotiation, I left with my work computer and cellphone still in tact. I decided it was time to empty out my coffers before I could help anyone else, including myself. It was time to tell my story from kissing my boo-boos. The pressure cooker can only go so long, and it was a big relief to finally start taking the weight off my shoulders.

To his credit, one of my "protegés" made a pact to call me every 48 hours from when he found out to not only check in on me but to be the one to remind me what the right thing to do really is. His retort was that I had taught him well over the years. The analyses of the Harvey Weinstein scandal this week seem to mirror the challenges and how subtle or not subtle such harassment can take place. 

With women, who are coming forward after many decades from bad behaviors of Bill Cosby, Weinstein, and tech/Silicon Valley, finally coming into their voices, perhaps we are at some tipping point. Relief washed over me as I joined their ranks and found mine. It will take many sessions to go over almost a decade of silence. Like the lesson from my relationship with my mother (full circle (part 3)), holding on to negativity from the past does nothing but to stunt my growth and happiness.

This week was a challenging but very rewarding time with some amazing women. My cohort represents such diversity and reminded me of the passion that I learned in myself from my years in Asia. Most are millennials, still coming into their own. Many moved from all over the country to spend 12 weeks to #changetheratio.

take a stand

...to take a knee. A year ago as his right to protest, Colin Kaepernick from San Francisco 49ers kneeled during the national anthem during a NFL game as a protest to recurring police brutality to "black lives" nationwide. Some believe that the distraction is why no team has picked up Kaepernick in the current season.

Perhaps as distraction from issues with Russian investigation or with his inability to get any significant legislation passed, the self-identified master negotiator and unifier, continued his divisive tactics by bringing up a very old issue to rally his base at a rally in Alabama Friday, by challenging the NFL owners to "fire" players like Kaepernick who do not stand for the national anthem, this coming from the man that had to be nudged by his wife during Easter to put his right hand on his heart, as dictated by the 1942 US Flag Code for civilians.

The next day, Oakland A's Bruce Maxwell became the first MLB player to kneel while his white teammate, Mark Canha, put his right hand on Maxwell's shoulders in solidarity. Maxwell grew up in Alabama came from a military family. While Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner, had condemned POTUS (although not naming him) for his divisive comments, it was not clear how the owners and coaches would respond.

Today, the NFL responded in kind. Owners and head coaches stood with their team on the field with arms locked, hands on shoulders and/or taking a knee. A number of owners, including Robert Kraft, who had noted that he is a "good friend" of POTUS and owner of a team that has primarily identified with POTUS, and Shahid Khan, who was another $1 million + donor to POTUS, stood in solidarity with their team.

The Pittsburgh Steelers decided that solidarity for them meant not making their teammates individually decide on whether to stand or to kneel and to remove themselves from the controversy. They decided instead not to have the team on the field for the national anthem. In support of his team, Alejandro Villanueva, who was a graduate of West Point, served as an Army Ranger and did three tours in Afghanistan, stood with his hand over his heart in the tunnel during the national anthem.

The NFL has also decided to re-air its unity commercial, which was meant to be a one-time show during the Superbowl in February 2017 to demonstrate the power of the game to bring people together.

POTUS' challenge that not standing is utter disrespect for what the U.S. stands for clearly showcases his lack of knowledge of the U.S. Constitution, and the freedom that the men and women in the military have fought generations. This coming from the man who has yet to denounce or say anything negative of Russian leadership, who clearly tried to manipulate the American democracy. Something that started as a Black Lives Matter symbol has now been escalated to equality for men, women and children of any race and religion.

Similarly, with all the women speaking up in the technology industry regarding the clear discrimination (flash of light and kissing my boo-boos), it is time to stand in solidarity, and I have started discussions on this within the firm prior to my departure. I can be silent no longer. Continuing the modus operandi of pussy riots, the girl with the dragon tattoo, and hot as hell, POTUS has become a unifier, in spite of himself.

* * * * *

Update September 26, 2017:

As Villanueva's number 78 became the best selling jersey in the last day or so, some fans were burning their paraphernalia of other NFL players who chose to kneel. However, as it turns out, Villanueva's actions turned out to be a plan gone bad. He had planned on being with his team in the darkness of the tunnel, but in the front in order to have visual of the flag. As he was vying for a view, and as others were clearing the field for the anthem, he got separated from his team when the music started. He froze in his spot.

"I made Coach Tomlin look bad, and that is my fault and my fault only. I made my teammates look bad, and that is my fault and my fault only...Unfortunately I threw my teammates under the bus, unintentionally.

I've learned that I don't know what it's like to be from Dade County, I don't know what it's like to be from Oakland. I can't tell you I know what my teammates have gone through, so I'm not going to pretend like I have the righteous sort of voice to tell you that you should stand up for the national anthem. It's protected by our constitution and our country. It's the freedom of speech."

~ Alejandro Villanueva, Pittsburgh Steelers No. 78 

two wheelers

credit: Baptiste LeJeune

Bicycle sharing has been in operation in major cities for over a decade, with Citi Bike in NYC, for example. Docking stations took up vital car parking spots throughout the city. Over time, it became the new normal.

Starting in China, with the ease of technology and GPS, a number of startups (e.g., Mobike, Ofo, oBike) have been competing over the last few years for the dockless bicycle sharing market. Venture capitalists have infused millions and their markets have expanded to Europe, Australia and other Asian markets. The wheels unlock with a code, and GPS allows a user to locate the nearest bicycle.

In many major cities though, many have complained about the clutter. Although users get points deducted for traffic violations and/or inappropriate "parking" of the bicycles, the concept of dockless gets mired with appropriate parking spaces. While one would think that people would just park these in front of their doors for door-to-door service, it was really random where these were "hanging out" (e.g., in a pedestrian tunnel, middle of a field, inside a private and secure parking garage, in the middle of an alley).

While Singaporeans appear too orderly for such thing to arise, there have been protestors in other cities who have taken the bicycles and hung them up in trees and other outlandish spots.

* * * * *

Update September 20, 2017:

Mobike made its debut in the U.S. market by launching a pilot program of 180 bicycles. While Washington, D.C. already has a dock-based Capital Bikeshare program, officials believe this would serve a different market and in different neighborhoods. However, the company is planning on mobilizing a local team if necessary to move and re-park the bicycles neatly.

Ironically, Spin, a U.S. based startup, also launched a pilot with initial 100 bicycles in D.C. Although it has also launched pilots in other cities, including Bay Area, it has been in very select neighborhoods like South San Francisco, rather than it being as prevalent as the dockless bicycles in Singapore and China.