synchronicity (part 2)

 "The more validation I need, the less discernment I have."

~ Kurt Hanks 

This excursion never really had a 'honeymoon' period, tumbling right into a trigger on the first date that allowed me to heal from a similar experience almost a year before (11:11 (part 14)). With the intention of walking into this journey with a 'friend' to mirror and reflect on triggers that may come up to end patterns (saudade (part 5), bluebird, saudade (part 6), and patois), it seemed a bit quicker and easier to process and see the patterns from a different perspective, perhaps from a perceived trust built on friendship.

In what I felt was unlocking some part of me that allowed me to feel truly 'safe' with a man (bluebird) or to feel a deeper connection with someone who could read my body as I've only experienced with one other (bubble of bliss), I am wondering if that has more to do with my own growth and how I show up in connections, rather than someone providing such safety or awareness of my body.

Similar to calming the mind, the universe opens up doors and opportunities that quickly usher me along, reminding me to keep moving and growing. Yet, there was a final lesson to be learned, something that has been on the perimeter of my journey since consciously starting this exploration in 2016. 

I realized that he represented aspects of others before him - from seeing white (part 2), who surrounded himself with 'friends' whom he never felt comfortable being himself, numbing themselves and judging others, to bubble of bliss, who in the end, let life jade him to be a shadow of who he once was, putting up walls so as not to ever connect with someone at a deep level again (weightless). While the former 'ghosted', he showed up months later (supernova), explaining that being in a container where he felt safe being himself showed him a side of himself that made him realize how unhappy he was and the choices he had made, which caused him to run as he chose 'ignorance' rather than 'bliss'. While he has shown up again a time or two over the years, it is with the same energy of some nostalgia of what could have been had he been more courageous and how deep he has gotten with the ongoing decisions in his life that have brought him more shame and/or have made him a complete stranger to himself.

While it saddens me that a 'friend' wouldn't communicate that he wasn't courageous enough or ready for the growth, he was also choosing to repeat patterns of masterminding his friends to validate his choices in life. While I had created nicknames in the past so that friends wouldn't negatively judge people I dated if they ever meet them (missing in action), his approach was to get validation by demonizing his partners, reminiscent of my first (moments that matter (part 6)). Unfortunately, that forces him into a corner where he cannot be present with positive energy of working things out with his partner, without clarifying his prior actions based on untruths to others, when he is fearful of his friends judging him for staying in what they perceived to be 'toxic', his own creation.

The self-sabotage that went on for months created chaos/drama that was futile. Ultimately, he could not own his own decision and actions and felt the need to create situations that forced him into it, so as not to be accountable to himself for his own self-harm. In closing my patterns though, I know I showed up authentically and lovingly. I was able to work through old patterns with the discernment to change behaviors. More importantly, breaking another pattern I had fallen into in the past, I also do not feel any 'guilt' for feeling as if I gave up on someone - he gave up on himself.

There seems to have been a shift since spiritual masters, whereby incorporating the universal law of vibration with the universal law of attraction, I realize that another pattern I choose to change is trying to be 'heard' or 'not handicapped'. Seeing the lengths he went through to numb emotions allowed me to truly reflect on my growth in the last few years as I connect with mine, honing in on my understanding of the breadth and complexities of them to let my higher self/intuition guide me. People will treat me the way they want to treat me. My power is whether I let them do so. I can pinpoint to the exact time where I felt a shift in his energy. It was palpable although we were thousands of miles apart. Yet, I allowed him to make me question the negative vibrations I was feeling, rather than choosing to focus on activities that made me feel 'good' and repelling the negativity. Subconsciously, even my body was rejecting by pushing him out and off, when he tried to make our sex transactional, despite him mistakenly thinking it was due to orgasms.

When someone self-sabotages because our 'closeness' was scaring him, the only thing left for me to feel is compassion for him by sending him a lot of positive vibrations for his journey, as authentic connections is what makes life worth living. It probably doesn't bode well for any type of 'interaction' when our astrological chart notes:

"You and [BDC] have an unusually strong connection. Even if there are other tensions between you - there's an aspect of the connection that is especially enjoyable and probably makes both of you feel more confident.

You and [BDC] might feel closer to each other than you do with other friends."

~ The Pattern 

While I may listen to the universe (or 'be one with the mountain'), it isn't everyone's journey. In reconnecting with an ex last night, with my recently learnt boundaries established, we were able to explain his initial reaction to me that we couldn't explain other than perhaps residual 'past life karma'. Much like BDC, his irritation was due to the significant gap in our vibrations, and he was subconsciously threatened by the higher vibration, given where he was in his life at the time (11:11 (part 11)).

I am excited at my progress, while not always smooth, has been rewarding, especially to set me up for me to embrace my true calling in life...to just experience, which has come up in QHHT as well as a friend's channeling. My partners are also elevating in our compatibility from 'Meaningful' to 'Extraordinary'.

"Your destiny is to be able to relax and enjoy your life without guilt. Try to immerse yourself in things that feel good and to savor your experiences. It's okay to be on the receiving end in life; learn to appreciate your patience and ability to stay present in the moment. You may have artistic tendencies and you certainly have excellent taste, whether it's in food, people, clothes, or art. It's important to carve out time for yourself and engage your senses.

In your relationship experiences, you may end up with or expect partners who are out of the ordinary. The average type won't do. You tend to go for unconventional, rebellious, or extremely intelligent people."

~ The Pattern

* * * * *

Update April 24, 2023:

After asking an ex if he remembered 11:11 (part 11), I received the following, a reminder that everyone's journey has its own timing and small actions/moments that may seem inconsequential may have lasting ripple effects in someone's life.

"Yes, I certainly do remember. Reading this made me cry, and I wanted to stop after I knew what it was, but I realized instantly that this was a confirmation of why you're back in my life right now. I've had the best 7 days as of today [that] I've had since I moved here, doing all the things that make me most proud of myself without missing a beat. I have been working on radical self-forgiveness, knowing that forgiving myself for all the stuff with you would be the final box I'd eventually have to open. to be honest, it still scares me half to death to think about, but I can see that, likely without your [sic] even knowing, you're giving me opportunities to take it in small chunks. I have a lot of grieving to do before I can forgive myself, but thank you for sending me this."

extra-terrestrial

Although my recollection of my first plane ride was our band trip to NYC for the Macy's Parade my senior year (stamp collection), the reality is that the first plane was the one that took us from Asia to a refugee camp in the US. Throughout my childhood, we rarely took family vacations but when we did, it was usually a road trip to visit relatives in California. Sometimes, it seemed as if we packed more food and beverages for the multi-day trips than clothing. 

Perhaps from an innate fear of authorities, stemming from years in a communist country, being stopped at the state line caused some consternation between my parents. Unaware of the laws, they were confused when the officials at the border checkpoint had us turn over all produce, only to watch them dump them in the trash. Exposure to farms and/or transportation of meat or produce are common questions on all immigration forms worldwide. 

After getting approved for Global Entry, my first overseas trip was my friends' wedding in Spain many years ago. Excited to bring back a taste of the delicacy of jamon (cured ham), we went to a number of local spots to find properly packaged, quality jamon. Thinking my luck had turned, I was pulled for customs inspection, only to find out afterwards that the system automatically flags people based on travel locals (such as France, Germany, Italy or Spain for any cured meats) and profiles (e.g., new Global Entry individuals) to inspect. The official, with my name and picture in hand, was intentionally looking for me. Although the fine is up to $10k, the inspector luckily let me off with a warning after throwing away my expensive 'souvenir', most likely the initiation rite for many new members.

Like California, Hawai'i has strict regulations in order to manage insect infestations and disease outbreak that would be detrimental to the natural flora or fauna that would not have the natural defenses to protect itself from such species. Hawai'i, with its isolation in the Pacific Ocean, has uniquely adapted endemic species that would be highly sensitive to exposure to and/or competition from invasive species. Endemism is almost ten times richer on islands than on mainland. Rats, fire ants, mosquitoes, coqui frogs and asiatic rhinoceros beetle, to name a few, did not exist on the islands until the advent of foreigners. Even intentional introduction of foreign species had unintended consequences that have wreaked havoc upon the natural habitat. 

Mongooses were brought in to control the rat population in sugar cane fields; however, they are active during the day while rats are nocturnal creatures. Given their opportunistic predatory behavior, rather than control the rat population, it resulted in a reduction of snails, palms and nesting birds, which feed on rats, thereby increasing the rat population. In the 1800s, strawberry guava was brought in as an edible fruit but now threatens endemic flora and fauna because of its shade-casting thickets and dense mats of surface feeder roots.

Hawai'i also has strict guidelines and quarantine restrictions for pets, including service animals, which makes it a challenge for the spontaneous travelers. While the Big Island is the largest of the Hawaiian islands, its population is only a quarter of that of Oahu, the location of the capital. It is known for its agricultural and vast micro-climates, containing 10 of the 14 Köppen climate subzones, practically all but the ones in the Cool Snow Forest climate.

In addition to the active volcanos on the island (juxtaposition), soil transport is also an issue between the micro-climates of the Big Island, with signs warning visitors about bringing unwanted species from footwear or pets. Locals are mindful about acquiring plants from nearby resources rather than other parts of the island for fear of introducing unwanted pests onto their lands. Living on the mainland, even as a resident of the Bay Area, I was unaware of the magnitude of the dangers and long-term effects to the economy and ecology, amounting to over $120 billion to control and combat the impacts in the U.S. alone.

spiritual masters

When I reflect upon the (wo)man in mirror, I am reminded of the many spiritual masters who have graced this planet and left tools for us to work through our individual journeys to a world of love. They all share the same message, just in different ways that hopefully will resonate with different people. In each of us is the Holy Spirit (our Higher Selves) that guides us, yet we have ancestral DNA and/or childhood traumas that put up barriers to us trusting ourselves.

When I started on the path of exploration of connecting with my body (face of the girl (part 2) and YUMmy), it did not come from a place of love but from a place of resentment and rebellion with a touch of the Italian chin flick to say 'I don't care'. In line with the Law of Cause and Effect, this brought on a lot of learnings that didn't necessarily come up in the most healthy ways but in searching for tools to process what bubbled up, the universe guided me towards a journey of spiritual awakening that finally had me tap into deeper learnings from early sources in my life like A Conversation with God (to err is human, to forgive, divine) or the Christian Bible that at the time, certain parts did not make a lot of sense.

"Spirituality is the path of the heart. It is the path of using the mind in a loving way. But in order to do this, we must discipline ourselves to do so because the world view, the mental filter, that dominates the planet is not a mental filter based on love. It is a mental filter that is based on fear. And so, '[A] Course in Miracles' [("ACIM")] tells us that even though we were born with the natural tendency to give and to receive love from a very early age, we are taught a world view that is not based on love and proactively, repudiates and resists love. As a consequence, [ACIM] says by the time we are pretty early age, that which is natural thinking actually feels unnatural to us. And that which is unnatural feels natural. so that we instinctively at this point go from the wrong-minded perception. We are instinctively lured and tempted towards the anger, towards the toughness, towards the separation, towards the attack and towards the defense. The spiritual journey is a dismantling of the thought system that dominates the world. [ACIM] says enlightenment is not a learning. It is an unlearning. It is an unlearning of perspective of fear and substituting instead the perspective of love, which is God's perspective, which is natural to who we are."

~ Marianne Williamson - How To Dissolve Darkness, September 20, 2022 

With that also came a number of people coming in and out of my orbit on their own spiritual journey. Yet similar to the sex positive community, I have discovered a lot of people who have used spirituality as a way to manipulate others and/or to self-declare that they are enlightened beings as if it is some special badge. Having fallen into the lure and sense of belonging that organized religion provides and the subsequent detrimental judgement and outcasting that brings on isolation and detachment, I have luckily been able to 'feel' those situations and not get too enmeshed. With the current political environment all over the world, the psychology behind cults have taken center stage with many saying that the followers have been brainwashed, implying that people can't think for themselves.

"The Secret" movie was created to share a universal law that isn't so secret and can even be found in ancient texts, including Matthew 21:22, to the masses. In what appears to be someone's moment of sales/get/scarcity mentality (looking out for self) rather than service/give/abundance mentality (looking out for others), Abraham Hicks was asked to give up their intellectual property or be removed from the production. Although contractually, they had a viable suit, they decided to walk the path of least resistance with the guidance from Abraham that says "Whenever you are given an ultimatum that says, 'if you don't do this, then we will have to do such and such,' it is best that you just let it go and move on. Otherwise, there is always another, and this, and this, and this?" Unfortunately, the critical moments that were scrapped also provided the context in utilizing Law of Attraction from a place of service rather than self, leaving "The Secret" to feel a lot about manifesting material attachments. Ironically, "The Secret" talks about knowledge being surpressed; however, by removing Abraham Hicks, they have further suppressed the "secret" by 'dumbing down' the guidance without the spiritual context.

In both the sex positive and spiritual communities, I have witnessed how words like 'consent', 'compersion', 'law of attraction', 'manifestation', 'nonviolent communications', 'high vibrational people', etc. have been used in vain and becomes back-handed judgements to further isolate people (into fear) rather than support a sense of belonging (into love). If someone doesn't have money flowing towards them, it is perceived as the person having a lot of blockages and therefore, unable to manifest money. Yet in the spirit of the Law of Attraction, manifesting for the ego is the antithesis to coming from a place of love.

"Language is a leader's charisma. It's what empowers them to create a mini universe - a system of values and truths - and then compel their followers to heed its rules...Without language, there are no 'cults'...But with a glimmer of willingness, language can do so much to squash independent thinking, obscure truths, encourage confirmation bias, and emotionally charge experiences such that no other way of life seems possible."

~ Amanda Montell (Daily Beast, June 27, 2021) 

While there isn't an overarching leader, the New Age movement that has people migrating to Tulum, Bali or Hawaii has quite the cult following, including various sects with defined leaders like The Miracle School where leaders have been accused of abusing their power and manipulating followers for perverse goals. Many of these sects work much like a Ponzi scheme, encouraging followers to recruit others to create their own mini-community. Followers feel judged and shamed for not 'doing the work' to gain some magical enlightenment. I have found that many, in and out of these mini-communities, profess to have gifts like channeling, energy work, past lives readings, etc. One day they may be talking about their traumas, and the next they have 'fixed' all their traumas and are now providing these 'magical' services, claiming that they are coming from a place of love and light, yet watching them in their everyday interactions indicate otherwise. 

Talking about how they only hang out with 'high vibe' people or stating that they don't attract drama at the same time that they are implying that you are bringing the drama into their lives or claiming that their negative reaction to you was a response based on the energy that they supposedly saw coming from you ... seems like a lot of gaslighting, projection and lack of awareness that they are the other side of that equation that they are not taking the responsibility for their own actions/reactions as they talk down to you from their pedestal of 'light worker' and violating your energy and/or manipulating and silencing you by stating that they supposedly can see that your energy does not come from love, despite you knowing otherwise. Jesus did not 'boast' about being the son of God and all his 'magical' gifts when he was washing the feet of his disciples. He did not claim that someone's truth wasn't true. The gifts are all in us, and as with such powers come responsibility and morals to use them ethically. Consent is not only a term in the sexual realm but also in the spiritual to not violate someone's energy.  As Montell notes, stating something that cannot be validated such as what one perceives as another's energy or motivation without considering one's filter and confirmation bias can be damaging and toxic in a community where others have suspended independent thinking and follow the majority.

Much like reclaiming the cunt (part 1) and a box of crayons, alarm bells started ringing in my ears when someone yesterday made reference to ACIM seemingly to validate her point of view that people are responsible for going through their own journey without anyone sharing their experiences for the person to make a more informed decision and/or so the person can learn from others' experiences, lest it takes away their free will. When she brought up the analogy, she seemed to be confusing the not being able to make a horse drink with not even leading the horse to water, implying that none of it was our responsibility. This didn't seem aligned to my current experience with the teachings emphasizing that we are here to be of service to others and look out for each other, as we are all connected. While a horse may be responsible for drinking the water, the collective can at least step in to lead the horse to water and guide it in how to satiate its thirst. 

This concept of letting people fend for themselves is quite like the mindset of some women and minorities in Corporate America that feel as if someone has to go through the same trials and tribulations to get to the top rather than paving the way for others and mentoring them. There is a saying of the collective consciousness, "I heal you, I heal myself. I heal me, I heal you." Rather than having a healthy debate, any counter thought was quickly dismissed. When the herd mentality kicks in, the one who dares to check in with his/her self is left isolated. Unfortunately, that little girl teared up in her frustration and found herself apologizing, when nobody should apologize for sticking to their truths (saudade (part 4)).

In the past, these moments of un-ease would have me in my head all night, questioning everything. But somewhere in the discomfort, I had passed out and while I know I dreamt, I couldn't remember any specifics but it was the calm knowing that caused me to wake up with a big smile on my face this morning. I re-listened to Williamson's livestream yesterday, and although it seemed to just be information to absorb yesterday, her words today only reinforced that knowing that I woke up with. While many of the New Agers focus on the concept of taking responsibility for our own healing, they have neglected the collective conscious. She emphasizes that we can misuse the mind but we cannot 'obliterate the eternal connection'. While some in the herd want to hang out in neutral territory, ACIM, according to Williamson, says that there are no neutral thoughts. If we are not creating light, then darkness will creep in. She notes that good intentions are not enough, providing the analogy that one shouldn't just let a person shoot heroin, thinking that the person will have a lot of time to figure it out themselves. We have things to teach each other, and ACIM points out that each of us are only a half step ahead or behind each other. So if whoever we may teach (or demonstrate to) is only a half step behind us; if we weren't as far back as we are, who would demonstrate to that person otherwise?

Another tell of the gifts being misused was when she had disclosed only a few hours before she referenced ACIM to supposedly validate her point that she hadn't and didn't feel the need to read ACIM, perhaps implying that she already knew its wisdom. Williamson often points out that she has been studying it since the 1970s and still views herself as a pupil in its application. I realized how much someone's ego can quickly have me retraining my muscle memory, honing in on my intuition and trusting my self. For the same reason why I read the Bible (cover to cover) so that I could call into question how many misquote/misuse the Bible for selfish reasons, this has just boost my conviction to complete ACIM.

It is akin to being able to quickly suss out whether someone was truly informed and had watched the entire Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard trial, or whether he/she took snippets of testimony played in mainstream media, completely missing the context where the witness committed perjury, highlighting that person's inauthenticity and ignorance.

While I may not be on Lesson 137, it didn't take long for me to find at least one of the teachings on this very topic (emphasis added):

"When I am healed, I am not healed alone...

8. Healing is freedom. For it demonstrates that dreams will not prevail against the truth. Healing is shared. And by this attribute it proves that laws unlike the ones which hold sickness is inevitable are more potent than their sickly opposites. Healing is strength. For by its gentle hand is weakness overcome, and minds that were walled off within a body free to join with other minds, to be forever strong...

10. And as you let yourself be healed, you see all those around you, or who crossed your mind, or whom you touch or those who seem to have no contact with you, healed along with you. Perhaps you will not recognize them all, nor realize how great your offering to all the world, when you let healing come to you. But you are never healed alone. And legions upon legions will receive the gift that you receive when you are healed.

11. Those who are healed become the instruments of healing. Nor does the time elapse between the instant they are healed, and all the grace of healing it is given them to give. What is opposed to God does not exist, and who accepts it not within his mind becomes a haven where the weary can remain to rest. For here is truth bestowed, and here are all illusions brought to truth...

 14. Yet must we be prepared for such a gift. And so we will begin the day with this, and give ten minutes to these thoughts with which we will conclude today at night as well:

'When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would share my healing with the world, that sickness may be banished from the mind of God's one Son, Who is my only Self.'"

~ ACIM - Lesson 137 

As with Abraham Hicks, this post serves as my choosing to let that negative energy go and move on.

* * * * *

Update September 22, 2022:

Similar to Williamson's livestream, when my friend recited this quote to me yesterday, it didn't hit me as much as when I heard it again the next day after an experience has worked through me. So it is not coincidence when this popped up in my Insight Timer this morning:

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."

~ Mark Twain

Our neighbor asked me this morning about the guest. When she asked how it was going? I knew that she knew. She had picked up negative energy from the person and had told her husband that she did not want to be around that. As she had been going through her own trauma healing, she has been careful about who she allows into her world. It feels empowering when I shift my perspective (as Williamson deems 'miracle') and realize that isolation is always an amazing place to be when we stay true to ourselves and to God.

ease-dropping

Private property signs

In Hawaii, any land below the highest wave line (where wet sand meets dry sand during high tide) is considered public property. The public has an implied easement by dedication (a common law right to access to the shoreline via beach transit corridors on private property). It is one of the most common easement disputes on the islands, and historically, property owners had been creative in how they have discouraged people from accessing the shoreline, such as overgrowth of vegetation or building seawalls, further eroding shoreline available to the public.

Approximately a quarter of Hawaii's shoreline has been erased due to seawalls that have been installed both legally and illegally. Despite Hawaii's constitution, the wealthy coastal property owners, including one in Oahu tied to the Obamas, have been able to get around loopholes and/or pay to limit the public's access to shorelines.

The Department of Land and Natural Resources Office of Conservation and Coastal Lands is responsible for ensuring that governmental accesses are well maintained and that property owners, who are subject to fines and misdemeanors, are in compliance. We had heard that there was a path including five ladders down to the shoreline from our rental property. While not the easiest beach to get to, locals have ventured the trek for prime fishing. Unfortunately, the path we took led us back up to the road and we could never find the supposed ladders, even after using a drone to scope out the cliff which was entirely covered by vegetation.

Despite rumors of a dispute with the government over access rights, the property owner(s) near Lyman Bay (mermaid tears) have surprisingly cultivated a marvelous trail, carved from the local flora, along the Kapue Stream, showcasing its grandeur and history.

phoenix rising

San Francisco is known for its tech startups, high cost of living and aggressive homeless population. In its underbelly is a whole group of vandwellers. With the street sweepers and alternate street parking, San Francisco vandwellers naturally migrate towards areas that can house the larger vehicles, provide adequate sunlight for solar panels and does not require constant movement of their 'homes'. Given the lack of areas that would support these criteria, vandwellers have created their own community  and family that support each other. 

Konstantin was vandwelling when a man in a SUV stopped by him asking if he would be interested in either or both pups that the man was going to put down as neither one of them were good for fighting. Phoenix, despite his early puphood of being bred to be a fight dog, has one of the gentlest dispositions. His animal control documents in 2017 notes him as a bull mastiff mix.

His master, on the other hand, is not always law-abiding and can be a bit temperamental in certain situations. However, Konstantin has his own guiding principles and morals that he lives by, including not putting animals on a leash and not neutering them. Those who live or work in the neighborhood are familiar with this freedom-fighting duo. The mailwoman has an agreement with Konstantin that he would put Phoenix in his RV when she's on duty in the neighborhood. He has received citations for no leash in the past, and when he outright breaks laws, Konstantin fully chooses to do so with the knowledge of the cost of the consequences and pays them willingly.

San Francisco Animal Care & Control (SFACC) is based in the same neighborhood. Although they frequently cross paths, including citing the duo, in a moment of irony, the director of SFACC flagged down one of its officers to not only cite the duo but also to take Phoenix in to get neutered. San Francisco, like many cities, have passed laws to spay and neuter pit bulls or similar animals. Although this law was passed in 2006, the government has not developed a more precise way of genetically testing and/or developing clear standards on what is considered a pitbull-like animal. Instead they utilize a subjective 8-point checklist to categorize pitbulls, with a five out of eight benchmark to meet the classification. Genetic testing, even if one were to pay for it, would not suffice as there is no barometer of percentage as a gauge. Despite prior citations over the years, none of the representatives at SFACC had ever mentioned that Phoenix was at risk of not being in compliance of the 2006 law.

Rallying the community, there were not enough seats in the conference room of City Hall to fit all those who took time out of their day to show up to support Konstantin and Phoenix, with more than half having to stay out in the hall, anxiously listening through the glass door to give updates. SFACC had a veterinarian in tow. Although none of us were dog experts, we all showed up with the compassion and love for Phoenix and his plight. Some of  us dressed up for the occasion, dusting off cobwebs and donning on suits from the back of closets, to counter any profiling and natural bias of vandwellers. When the court delegate said she had made her decision, some of us did not realize that we had held our breaths until we all instantaneously released heavy sighs and tears upon her saying the words 'NOT a pitbull...'.

The vaccinations and microchip that SFACC injected into Phoenix seemed like a minor exchange for keeping his balls in tact. We headed back to Phoenix's home to celebrate with champagne. Of course, although Phoenix seemed 'cool and collected' despite his ordeal, only his numerous pitstops to urinate and defecate belied his anguish over the last 24 hours. It was a great outcome for my first animal rights activism although my feet were killing me after not walking in stilettos for over a year.

jumping through hoops

Since marijuana has become legal for all adults to use in California, the quality has significantly increased, commensurate with the prices of course, as the government has significantly taxed the distribution of such. However, I was surprised to see how common the use of it was even with Americans traveling from the East Coast, where it is not yet legal although the NYC mayor recently instructed the police to stop making arrests for marijuana usage.

Vaping has become more common and has made it a bit more challenging to determine whether someone is vaping tobacco or other products. Flavored cartridges with different strains have also added to the popularity. While in Rome, a taxi driver coyly asked us after realizing that we were Americans, if we had a spare charger for his vape that he could purchase. It could not be purchased in Italy and he had gone for months without being able to use his vape. Luckily, one of my travel companions had the same type and had a spare charger to give him. As she also knew she did not want to risk bringing an extra filler back into the states, he also got the lucky bonus of that as well.

Italy has gone back and forth over the last few decades in regards to legalizing marijuana. The Vatican is on its soil yet it also struggles with the Italian mafia and the questionable quality that may be consumed by its citizens who have obtained such products from these sources. Over the years, marijuana use has gone from illegal to decriminalized.

It was interesting to find out though how many people grew it for their own personal use, taking advantage of a loophole. Due to the obvious smells from growing a cannabis plant indoors, especially in apartment buildings in the North where it is not as warm throughout the year, Italians have gotten creative in their green thumb adventures. Technically, it is illegal to sell marijuana for personal use other than medicinal purposes, but it is not illegal to sell or purchase the seeds or to consume given the decriminalization efforts.

One man told me how he would plant the seeds annually in the countryside on others' properties and periodically check on his plants. He was happy to even provide his recommendations of the best varietal and hybrid seeds. Another laughingly shared how his friend tried to hide the obvious odor from neighbors in his apartment building. One pharmacist, who avoids using synthetic drugs himself, also is a source for his close friends as he is known for also being a cannabis horticulturist.

tear down the walls

With Trump looking to build walls to exclude foreigners under the guise of protecting American jobs from undocumented workers, Italy has been evolving in the last few years to improve labor laws to protect low-skilled laborers and immigrants and create more transparency in doing so.

Harvesting, especially in the wine industry, does not require tremendous skill. Clippers and buckets are really the necessities. A few years ago, the local farmers' union created an initiative called 'Harvest of Solidarity' to promote matching the supply and demand of local seasonal laborers, mostly young although not limited to such and unemployed. It has also changed the local perception of this type of work as well, which is an interesting outcome given the irony of some Americans arguing that immigrants are stealing jobs that the Americans did not want.

During harvest, landowners are required to document their workers, including family members and neighbors (crushing grapes). This is to create transparency as well as protect everyone from cheap laborers (€1.5 an hour) working 12-15 hours per day. Periodically, planes fly by to snap pictures, counting the laborers on each vineyard to compare to the document provided by the landowners. Fines are up to €3k per infraction, enough to provide a deterrent in the local market.

stone skipping (part 11)

One of my aha's from my time in Vietnam is how I enjoy mentoring others, specifically women or minorities who have the additional challenge of trying to level their playing field and where mentors are easily accessible. This inspired the stone skipping series. Somehow though, without necessarily putting it out to the universe, I have observed an influx of others connecting me with random people that they believe I could somehow share my experiences or insights.

While I did not advertise my departure (silver fox), some have noticed it on LinkedIn. A month ago, a woman whom I had some interaction during one of the women's development programs I facilitated a few years ago, contacted me as she wanted to better understand my career pivot. She was at a crossroads. Her husband and she live separate lives due to work (he in Arizona, she in California). Her leader was grooming her to be his replacement when he retires in 6 years. Yet she was getting bored, and despite her efforts to expand her role, kept running into 'deaf ears'. Morale has caused some significant turnover in her group. All of that intermixed with some personal matters like starting a family.

She reached out to me this week as she was in town. She wanted to let me know that based on our last discussion about my pivot and challenging her to think 'big' and with a 'clean slate' rather than the immediate paths that we 'pigeon hole' ourselves into as what we would be qualified for given our current experience, she had an 'aha' moment while trying to plan a social event. As she was relaying how she got to her decision, her face transformed and by the end, she had this beautiful smile, and glow to her face. While her husband is supportive, it is an entire pivot, and she even retorted that good thing she has her own money to invest any way she wants - the financial independence that allows us to find our happiness.

It was not just a fleeting thought as she had started to research (and contact) suppliers as well as federal and state laws to start her eco-friendly venture. She also noted how liberating it felt to finally know what she wants to do in life. Watching her made me tear up with happiness. I have always admired people who have the courage to find and follow their passions (stone skipping (part 1)). Her quiet excitement as contagious.

Later that evening, I met another friend (surprising inspiration) who is finally seeing her long-time dream of being a New Yorker become reality. It was her last meal in San Francisco so we chose a 10-course chef's tasting menu at Octavia. She's a foodie and it was her 30th Michelin star restaurant. During dinner, she was relaying stories about two coworkers that she felt 'weird' being mentor for women older than her. She kept saying she had to 'channel me' while doing so. I assume it has to do with how to communicate in a way that others would be more receptive, and some of the things I have told her in the past to help her through some of her challenges. Either way, it was great to see her paying it forward and making her own ripples.

full circle (part 8)

As noted in beach angel, I have been a latch key kid since I was a toddler in Vietnam. It teaches one to be responsible at a very young age, and in my case, unusually young, coupled with having to also look out for my younger brother (less than a year younger - full circle (part 6)). It is a lot to put on a child who is just sprouting her own wings.

In many ways, it was a lonely endeavor, and took away a lot of the innocence and frivolity of childhood. Sometimes, I think this is why the child-like behaviors come out in me as an adult, trying to capture viewing the world through the eyes of a child. I still believe in miracles...I love surprises in every day life. I also still have remnants of that child who always asks 'why?'.

In trying to face the fear of 'unwantedness', I wonder if one of the two memories I have pre-fifth grade (moments that matter (part 1)) somehow contribute to my 'madness'. Soon after my sister was born (I had to be pre-kindergarten age, as my sister was still a baby so my mother would take her to Noah's Ark, the daycare center that my mother worked at the time), I was picked up by a police officer who had noticed me wandering the streets alone. It was a very small town so my uttering of Noah's Ark was enough for him to take me to my mother. 

Luckily, it was a different time so my mother got off with a warning rather than having social services take away her children. Needless to say, I did not get off lightly for having left my younger brother at home alone. I do not know what caused me to wander, but I am sure it was a cry for help.

* * * * *

Being immigrants, my parents had to work very hard at low paying jobs. My mother's certification as a teacher was not sufficient in America and she ended up having to go back to school. As a military brat, my father was limited to utilizing his mechanical skills. My mother's night school meant that much of my child rearing days were with my father.

However, because of some extra-curricular activities, I was not able to take the bus home one day. In the days before cell phones, my father forgot to pick me up from school, and everyone, including the janitors had left. It was nightfall by the time my father remembered, most likely because he had gone home after working overtime to make extra cash, and realized I was not there. I stared at the empty parking lot for hours, sitting on the sidewalk, unsure what to do and where to go.

* * * * *

Perhaps these events contribute to my childhood demons of abandonment. David Bowie spent much of his life facing his fears of insanity, as it afflicted many of his family members. He created different personas and music in hopes of eluding his fears. In addressing this theme in his music, he inherently faced it head on. He used his personas to share the pain, as witnessed in Rock 'n' Roll Suicide, where Bowie consoles Ziggy, and David Jones (his birth name) consoles Bowie..."I'll take my share / I'll help you with the pain".

After decades of drug abuse, sex addiction and many personas, he eventually emerged emotionally healthier. While I like to believe I am authentic me, the reality is that over the years, I have masked my inner pains and heartaches by pushing the little girl aside. While some friends know bits of pieces of these stories, I joke about them and brush them off as no big deal, but those moments shaped me in some form or fashion. Inherently, I have created personas with the relatively politically correct, conservative executive; talk a good game virgin (aka Bambi); curiosity killed the cat busy body; brash independent bitch; multi-orgasmic slut (aka Minx); lost, lonely little girl; analysis paraplegic; and many other iterations.

In this year of ME, I am reminding myself of their origins and better understanding their different needs and attributes. It also explains why in certain situations, part of my life, like work, has been roots of unhappiness for years, as my persona there, while immensely successful, is not who I choose or want to be (see stone skipping (part 4)). I communicated to him last December that I was no longer that 13-year old girl, but the reality is...I am. Her childhood adversity and her achievements derived from such adversity is part of me. I can no longer push her away and deny her.

My self is determined by choosing who I am and who I will become. I am upping my ziggy to choose the parts of those personas that is the authentic me, one who is not afraid of being alone, and can find happiness within her own skin and/or in the simple things of every day life.

stone skipping (part 7)

Sadly, it is not uncommon for men to physically abuse their wives in Vietnam and other Asian/Middle Eastern countries. The mothers also perpetuate this as they coddle their sons. Tradition includes having sons and their families living under the same roof as the sons' parents while the daughters live at home until they are married and can move into their husbands' families' homes, which is why women are also pressured to marry early as "one less mouth to feed" (full circle (part 3)).

However, women are also usually the hard workers and "breadwinners" in the household (me love you long time (part 6)). In a way, the culture breeds "weak men" who are used to being taken care of by mothers or wives, and women are taught that they have no choices, and their "value" is tied to the men they are attached to (face of the girl (part 1)). A man who is "lazy" and emasculates himself in his mind, as well as lack of emotional intelligence, would probably view that his option to balance the scales would be to exert his physical power.

One of my cousins met and married his college crush. They had the same education; however, his wife was more driven and worked diligently to learn English so that she would have opportunities at multinational financial institutions, whereas he was content with working at a local financial institutions, which are protected by the government (including indirect job security based on the culture of pushing people down - stone skipping (part 1)) and offered nap times. The differences in salaries ranges are exponential, ranging from 3-7x more.

As a tribute to her hard work, they were able to afford purchasing their own condo as well as employ a maid/nanny after their son was born. They should have been happy and proud for such accomplishments in a country where people usually cannot afford their own homes and live in communal homes with generations under the same roof. However, his parents resented her and blamed her for no longer having their son under their roof although they still spent every weekend with his family at their home. He would sit back while his parents bullied and chastised her, despite her being the dutiful daughter-in-law in every other aspect including cooking and cleaning for her in-laws over the weekend. He was not the only son, as the older son and his family still lived at their home.

He benefited from her financial success and flaunted the money when he went out with his friends, including purchasing expensive items, perhaps even for other girlfriends (common theme in Vietnam as well - stone skipping (part 5)). When he physically hit her in front of their son and their help, he did not even have any remorse or apology but denied it ever happened. Her friends and family encouraged her to stay with him as it is normal for the husband to hit the wife when it is perceived that she "disobeyed".

Since I was part of his family, she did not initially have the intention to disclose this to me; however, when I found out, I encouraged her to do what she felt was right for herself but also for her son, especially to break the cycle for future generations of men. My support though was unconditional to anything she decided to do. She has an amazing spirit and strength. He did not make it easy as he refused to give her a divorce and also threatened to take their son away from her, even though he had no intention of raising him himself but rather have his mother raise their son. He was also the only man she has ever dated or been with, so being alone is not something that women in Vietnam are taught to do.

His family, of course, tells a different story as to the demise of their relationship. I have made it clear what occurred to relatives in the U.S., and our family continues to support her and opening our homes as she makes trips to U.S. to find opportunities for her and her son in America.

"Sincerely I need to say Thank you for the inspiration you have made to my life and career even though you might have not noticed. I have felt the girl power in you that has made me believe in mine. 😊"

After she sent me this message earlier this week and after visuals of mothers who bring their children to pussy riots and #ADayWithoutAWoman, there seems to be a collective movement of wonderful mothers who represent a whole new generation of women that are helping to break the cycle, nurturing strong individuals who have the balance of both the masculine and feminine attributes. Technically, she is my ex-cousin-in-law; however, she will always be a "sister," and I'm proud of her for bucking the system and having the strength and conviction not to let walls and hurdles from stopping her from achieving her dreams. 

11:11 (part 3)

The last 24 hours have exposed a few revelations. My friend's aunt (mentioned in 22 with the spiritual connection) had contacted my friend's mother about her father. He had spent the last 3 years working on some karmic debt, yet in a moment of weakness and loneliness, he had a slip, and I was with my friend in Tasmania when this came out. I had told her that I would send positive energy her father's way.

Last night, I also thought about messaging him and stopped in my tracks when I saw 11:11, a reminder to me of temperance and faith.

I ended up passing out without praying for my friend's father, and something woke me in the middle of the night (early morning hours) with that being one of my first thoughts. In a groggy state, I sent positive energies for her father and also threw in a prayer for him. He came in my dreams, and while I don't remember most of the details, I do remember him stroking my leg and my cradling his arm (in the same way that I woke up one morning in Koh Samui). The remnants when I woke this morning was one of reassurance. I'm not sure if that was for my friend's father, me or both.

I had an appointment with Anna (sugar wax) who is a fellow Virgo, and we've always had a connection and have been supportive in each other's lives. I caught her on the phone when I walked in, and she was emotional when she told me how she chanced upon a dog a few weeks back who kept wagging her tail while going back to a man who kept beating her with a stick. He ended up throwing the pup into Anna's car when she said she was going to take the pup if he was going to continue. However, her life cannot support raising a puppy at the moment, and it turns out that all the shelters are overfilled after the holidays from families returning puppies after realizing that the Christmas present was too much work.

She said what I was thinking initially when she started the story, which is that she felt guilty because she felt like the puppy came into her life for a reason, as the pup looked like the dog of her best friend who passed away recently. Perhaps her role was really to make sure the puppy found a good home, which Anna was trying to do and I walked into the conversation where a shelter had agreed to see her. We discussed the Law of Attraction and frog in my throat, regarding positive energy. He and I had also discussed dogs when I was in Singapore earlier this month, and how we both would want one day but individually would not be able to have currently, given our travel schedules.

My next stop was the Apple store, where a woman, who had overheard my issues as I was presenting them to her co-worker, later walked across the store as I was standing in another queue to further assist me, including giving me pointers on how to navigate Apple Care/support if I end up having to wait longer. She later walked passed me and another support staff that was troubleshooting my phone and asked me if I was getting what I needed. When I was telling the staff that was helping me how the other woman was kind enough to assist earlier and asked for her name, the staff said that she did not know her name as the other woman is very quiet generally. It is a bit ironic that an introvert would then seek me out to further assist me. Law of Attraction?

In the background, I registered that Chainsmokers' Closer was playing. It actually may have been one of their other songs but my soul seems to be in tune to pick up that song since November. Out of nowhere one night in Las Vegas, he asked me if I knew the band. At the time, it didn't register but he suggested I look up that song. I had not heard it even though it was a huge hit. Since then, I keep hearing it. That same week as we went to Fremont Street, one of the live bands played Blink-182's All the Small Things, which he noted was one of his favorites and one that he listens to in the morning or while running. Later on, as we were heading to another bar, I heard a song from another live band that I started dancing to and said that I always loved this song, not connecting that it was the same song until he brought it up. Doh! I am one of those who love to dance and connect with tunes without always connecting the band, title or lyrics. So yes, I felt foolish when he brought that to my attention. 😒

Something compelled me to check out the lyrics tonight. Closer is about reconnecting with someone. 

"Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you / I drink too much and that's an issue but I'm doing ok...And four years, no calls / Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar / And I can't stop / No, I can't stop...You look as good as the day I met you / I forget just why I left you, I was insane / Stay and play that Blink-182 song...We ain't ever getting older"

Alex Pall notes that the Blink-182 song is I Miss You, suggesting that the two characters did not forget each other and never moved on. The reference to Blink-182 was surprising...considering. All the Small Things is about the small gestures someone makes to show his/her love. It was written for Tom Delonge's wife who complained that he wrote songs about other women but not her. She used to leave roses at the top of the stairs when he worked late.

"All the small things / True care, truth brings / I'll take one lift / Your ride - best trip / Always, I know / You'll be at my show / Watching, waiting, commiserating...Surprises let me know she cares...Keep your head still / I'll be your thrill / The night will go on / My little windmill"

"Keep your head still" is a reminder to relax while he returns the caring gestures, and the reference to windmill is being the power and energy provided to the other. That week he had noted that he forgot to pack pocket squares as it was his new signature look when he presented. It was his first big presentation on a global scale that he had spent months getting certified at his company. It didn't occur to me to do anything other than getting that as a good luck gift. He was not only surprised but also commented that it was very thoughtful as he would not have gone to purchase it himself. His special gratitude spoke to my language of love (moments that matter (part 2)).

Perhaps I should pay closer attention to lyrics as there seems to be some hidden meanings and messages in them, as a sign of synchronicity.

jer-bear

On the other side of the world, I've been riveted by this case. For almost two weeks, I would check the news before I went to bed and after I woke up for the latest developments. The gag order and closed courtroom prevented play-by-plays. The items being reported was enough to make any person need a good disinfectant from the slime.

Whether the victims did it for financial gain or other motives, it takes courage to constantly be grilled many times by many people in front of millions and go through such personal traumatic memories from a cache of horrible memories and experiences typical of 'at-risk' children. No amount of money can ever make up for that.

Sandusky was sick. Perhaps he went through his own demons and the little I've read about his family life with his parents, it would not surprise me if he went through some sort of abuse himself. He is responsible for making his own decisions though as an adult, and many who have been abused consciously make different decisions. However, it appears as if there were a number of enablers, and those are the ones I find just as, if not more, reprehensible and despicable. I, for one, hope that the next chapter of this nightmare is to have each one of them pay for the decisions that they made. Karma, justice...whatever you want to call it...time for it to come a'knocking!

* * * * *

Update February 12, 2017:

Sandusky's karma continues via his adopted son Jeffrey, who has been arrested for 14 charges related to sex crimes involving children, including statutory sexual assault. A five-year investigation that ended in 2016 uncovered 45 victims of Sandusky. His adopted son that was arrested had professed his father's innocence, even after the adopted son had allegedly molested two girls while living with their mother.

As I recently heard, someone doing something to you is his/her karma; however, your reaction is your karma. Unlike his adopted brother, Matt Sandusky, another adopted son, had chosen to speak up against his father during the trial, thus further validating many of Sandusky's previous victims that others were bashing. Matt has also chosen to continue to be involved in supporting the victims and co-founded Peaceful Hearts, a not-for-profit organization that advocates for survivors of sexual abuse as well as educate children and adults on sexual predators to prevent victimization of children.

The one person who continues to remain silent to this day is Sandusky's wife Dottie, who clearly turned blind eyes and deaf ears and was the biggest enabler of them all. When she did speak during Sandusky's trial, she blamed the victims for being money grabbers. She is joined by Camille Cosby as those who chose to support their spouses as trade-offs for fame and money. I, for one, hope that one day, they will choose to end their karmic cycle by walking in the light instead of darkness.

a minority of minorities

I read an article today: Some Asians' College Strategy: Don't Check 'Asian'. While I understand the merits of collecting individuals' data such as gender and race, I have always been against the usage of such data though to make decisions such as quotas, etc. Many decades or centuries ago, that may have been a necessary evil to level the playing field but it should be a secondary factor, after other merits have been accomplished rather than a primary.

Growing up, the push in the American Vietnamese community was always for every kid to be a doctor. It did not matter which type, it was just important for parents to boast that their kid got into the medical profession, and if they could not get into one field, they would keep taking their MCATs and applying to various schools until they got in somewhere. It became disheartening to see the impacts to the children and how they were judged later in life: even though the person may have wanted to be a veterinarian because of his/her love for animals, it was presumed that the person got into that field because he/she could not get into a real medical school. I never liked the scene and the environment it created for the next generation (see me love you long time (part 3) and code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)). It drove me away from the field of medicine entirely although I always excelled at science and math and would have been a great forensic scientist (picture CSI).

I never understood the appeal of doctors to the community. It was always doctors, but if you couldn't do it, lawyers were also acceptable. Why? Where did this idea come from? At some point, I thought it was because those professions were very wealthy in Vietnam. However, during my family's first trip to Vietnam in the late 1990s, it was very obvious that doctors were poor and worked hard - they had to have chosen the profession for the pure desire to help others rather than for financial gain. Lawyers are practically non-existent in a country with a lack of an established court system that isn't mired in corruption. As for the push for education, kids were taken out of schools to do odd jobs to support the family and even married off so that the family didn't have to support the daughter anymore (see it takes a village (part 2)). Families who have connections actually push children to specialize in some field where they can obtain government jobs since it is well known that the financial gain is not in the salary but in the briberies - even to the point that people pay officials to get the position in the first place. Families with money, which is usually because of a tie to the government, would send their children abroad to study, and usually the children would return at some point, to take on a government position.

So the push was not because of the culture that they came from, it was the opportunity that they saw in the country they now adopted. Doctors and lawyers were viewed as the affluent individuals in America. While they wanted for their children to be successful and have the wealth that they struggled to have as immigrant parents, the pressures and competition have done a different type of harm to the first generation of immigrant children. Asians had to excel more just to get a fighting chance to get into the same universities as their Caucasian peers simply because the people they were competing against were not the Caucasians or other ethnicities, it was their own kind. The bar had been raised, and that's when the statistics that these universities collected and used to fill the Asian quota clearly disregarded that the population that met the primary metrics was significantly larger.

My entire life I was treated as a minority in a small town in Texas. Yet when it was time to apply for universities, I no longer qualified as a 'minority' on minority scholarships. Native Americans who have been in the country the longest qualified yet Asians, one of the more recent ethnic groups to the US, were not. This was another form of discrimination in that some people in their infinite wisdom did not view that Asians had hardships when it came to education. Just because my parents instilled in me to 'keep studying' even when I finished homework does not justify that I did not go through some form of hardship. So not only did I not qualify for a minority scholarship which I sorely needed given my immigrant family's financial situation, I was also discriminated in that Asians in most schools still had to meet a quota, regardless of the fact that significantly more were vying for the few slots allotted to the ethnic group.

For those reasons, I banned the University of Texas from my short list. Both my siblings went there, and my mother even cut off my education funds until I transferred back to there. Yet, on principle, I refused to go to a college where I would be treated as a minority but not be able to benefit as a minority in the same fashion as the other minorities. The double discrimination was debilitating. To this day, I also do not check certain boxes - while the company says that a people survey is anonymous, if in checking the boxes, it is clear that I am the only Asian female partner in a particular function in a particular office, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that the anonymity has just got thrown out the window. Even in Vietnam, while Asian may not be a factor, it is pretty easy to figure someone out in a small office based on the numerous statistical questions, which eventually would discourage honest feedback. The fear of retaliation is another debilitating factor to counter the power of anonymity.

taking it all off

At the young age of 20, Aliaa Magda Elmahdy has been catapulted in the middle of the Egyptian revolution. For different reasons, she is feared by both the conservatives and liberals. After her nude photo in only black stockings and red shoes was taken off of Facebook, she accepted a friend's request to post it on Twitter. Her reason for posing nude and posting it was because she "is not shy of being a woman in a society where women are nothing but sex objects harassed on a daily basis by men who know nothing about sex or the importance of a woman". She lives in the country where the military performed controversial 'forced virginity tests' on 17 women who participated in the Tahrir Square protests.

As noted a number of times in this blog, Asian women entering into establishments that are frequented by foreigners, whether tourists or expats, run the risk of being mistaken for a prostitute. A French Vietkieu woman tried to prove her self-confidence by comparing herself to a local woman that was visibly upset when an expat, who was an acquaintance of one of her colleagues, demeaned her and attempted to solicit her. I challenged the Vietkieu and told her that she should not feel so confident about her actions for not defending a friend to the expat. While the local girl may have manners and not put the jerk in his place, he did not have the right to treat her as such, especially since it was not her choice to go to that bar nor should she be penalized for dressing nicely rather than garbed in local pajamas. She, in fact, was following her Vietkieu friend who chose that bar and environment. Sometimes women are our own worst enemies - degrading others to boost one's own ego - hardly considered self-confidence in my book.

A few months ago, I got into a debate with a local Vietnamese man, around my age. While he had spent a number of years overseas studying, I would still consider him a local more than Vietkieu. Perhaps it was a bit of the alcohol and definitely because he thought I was a docile, uneducated woman, he decided to tutor me on the female anatomy. His lesson: women are not equipped to have orgasms as they do not have the balls that are pressurized for release. Clearly, the gent knew nothing about women's ability to have more intense and multiple orgasms. One of the Australian expats have warned me against 'corrupting' his local girlfriend. Unbeknownst to him, she has already mentioned his 'two-pump' chump. So while the lack of knowledge about sex and women is not confined to particular countries, people tend to migrate to such countries whereby they can still appear to be king (or queen).

China and Vietnam have stepped up its monitoring and military to avoid the Arab spring fever. Both countries have trumped up charges for dissidents in order to imprison and stifle their activities. Ai Weiwei has already been convicted of tax evasion without any representation in a court of law. His supporters have donated millions of dollars to cover the fines and penalties. The latest charges relate to porn. In an act of defiance and solidarity, he and his supporters have posted nude pictures online with the slogan: Listen, Chinese Government: Nudity is Not Pornography.

Put on trial the artists' models who posed nude for art schools until the early 70s, hide the art books and destroy the nude statues of antiquity, then undress and stand before a mirror and burn your bodies that you despise to forever rid yourselves of your sexual hangups before you direct your humiliation and chauvinism and dare to try to deny me my freedom of expression.

~ Aliaa Magda Elmahdy 

sweat shop

I was asked today to sign my name to a memo regarding a new policy that dictated mandatory office hours and punitive penalties for tardiness, regardless of how much overtime is worked (i.e., no overtime pay). We are in the professional services industry which focuses on client service. This usually requires untraditional work hours in order to be responsive to clients. 

However, there are a number of individuals who have not been professional in their work ethic. Because of the passive-aggressive culture of the office, rather than addressing the matter with the specific individuals who abuse the system, leadership has decided to penalize everyone by putting more policies in place. Those with poor work ethics will always find a way to continue their behavior regardless of what policies are executed.

The HR manager who has been supporting me in expanding my team questioned me on one of the individuals I was looking to hire. She believed that the individual was too assertive and aggressive and would be hard to control. Those traits were the exact reason why I wanted to hire her. A successful consulting practice would usually include some combination of aggressive, creative, 'outside of the box'  individuals. She agreed but retorted that the individual would never survive in the company as leadership want people who can be controlled. She laughed when I said that was why I struggle everyday.

My response to the HR director regarding the memo was that if he wanted me to mandate a time to come into the office or penalize staff, then I should also mandate a time to leave or give benefits to staff. Most countries call for overtime pay for sweat shops. People tend to behave based on how they are treated - I am here to help develop professionals. If leadership wanted to issue this policy, then the force(s) behind it should own up to it rather than hide behind and have others do their handiwork. Passive-aggressive coupled with a micro-managing culture is a recipe for disaster for my INTP personality.

color me confused

While many currencies in Asia are linked to the US dollar, each country has its own currency although I wish they would learn from the benefits of the Euro...ok on second thought, maybe not, given the economic situation in Europe. I used to have a mug with random coins from my travels since they usually wouldn't convert the coins back to the US dollar. Of course, I would always forget that I had them when I went back to the respective countries - I have loonies galore.

I have stopped converting now since I plan on making numerous trips back and forth during my stint in Asia. My travels though have not taught me to be any more efficient in discerning the notes and coins. Even in Vietnam, there are times where I catch myself giving the wrong currency since the colors of the notes are similar (VND 500,000 is a similar blue as VND 20,000) - a very few honest individuals have given me the notes back. There are so many colors that it baffles me why we cannot have a note in purple, for example.

To add to the confusion, Hong Kong is one of those rare countries where they do not have just the central bank printing the notes. Certain coins/notes are minted/printed by not only the central bank but also three approved banks with their own branding. At first blush, I thought people were giving me counterfeit bills as change - one of those 'take advantage of the stupid tourist' scenarios. Even after understanding the system though, I'm still convinced that there is a component of 'stupid tourist' traps, especially when it involves imbibing Absolut and Jack!

that's a-mores!

Thailand is known for its sex tourism, but technically, prostitution is illegal, well at least the solicitation of it. Despite this, the industry is monitored and regulated. One of its many contradictory sexual mores.

I was told that the government instituted a type of training for women performing at the ping pong shows a few years ago in order to increase the entertainment factor for tourists. There have been a number of government officials who openly either own or have relatives that own massage parlors and go-go bars. As noted in werd up!, the type of Buddhism that is practiced in Thailand preaches tolerance and karma (paying for past sins), thereby social stigma for prostitutes as witnessed in other countries is not so extreme in Thailand.

Imagine my surprise to find out that porn sites are blocked in Thailand because it 'could have an effect on or be against the security of the Kingdom, public order or good morals'. So while Vietnam blocks facebook, porn sites are not viewed as security or morals issues. I've had my fill of facebook in Thailand but the other sites just adds to the contradictory sexual mores of this country.