weightless

It's always been cryptic in how information on his estado civil gets discovered, when it should be something to share and celebrate. The first time was a chance Facebook feed, upon which my access was soon modified by him to such restrictions as there was no point even being connected as 'Facebook friends'. That time left me shocked and full of 'what ifs'.

To my surprise, my reaction this time around was a smile at how childish and ambiguous his communication was, nothing like the man who was once direct and with very little words, we seemed to understand the other. I felt such a weight being lifted, like some burden had dissipated, almost as if I finally remembered to start breathing not realizing I had been holding my breath all these years.

It reminded me of the last time I saw him (the truth shall set you free, walking tree...new or old roots, and surprising inspiration) and how I no longer recognized him for the man I had admired all these years. Had he changed, had I changed or had we both undergone significant transformations, taking us on diverging paths? Or perhaps the lens in which I viewed him was becoming less 'rosy colored' as to what I created from my own imagination? Was it always an illusion stemming from a childhood dream?

Before turning down the bed, I felt compelled to let the Raven speak to me...ironic as it may be (bubble of bliss).

 

The crow lands atop a large pentacle once concealed by clouds. This spot provides a clear view of all the riches available to her. Because her desires are no longer blocked, the bounty this world has to offer from material wealth to spiritual knowledge is all within her grasp. The Ace of Pentacles represents a time of clarity and the ability to manifest your desires. Stay focused, the Law of Attraction is working. Keep a fixed sight on what it is you want to achieve.

~ Crow Tarot, created by MJ Cullinane 

While I am grateful for the role he has played in my life over the last two decades and all the synchronicities with him, guiding me in my journey, I am at a loss for words in how it feels to finally breathe in the crisp air piercing chambers of my lungs that feel as if they had been lined with cobwebs. The timing is apropos to leaving the door to shut behind me and ushering me through the suadade (part 1) series.