I originally signed up on Reddit a few years ago when the man I was dating was constantly on the site, and I wanted to understand what the hype was. I still did not grasp it and left my account dormant. However, I resurrected it a few months ago as my friend got a software engineering position there, and I really wanted to understand the projects that she was working on as well as the Reddit lingo that she was using.
For a couple of months, I would catch myself spending hours on it daily. Something about an anonymous forum where people can dispense opinions and advice seemed captivating. I learned some interesting things on Reddit but it became a complete time suck. I did find myself gravitating towards sex positive and/or dating advice forums.
While relationships of any fashion are complicated, the games, assumptions and expectations that people come in with yet seem incapable of active communication seem to just add fuel to the fire. In its pureness, pig in mud (part 5) is also working through old templates as well. Perhaps it was from the place of my own journey and understanding the importance of having even just one person believe in you and see you for the person you cannot see yourself (moments that matter (part 3)) or from the butterfly effect of a random stranger's gesture in hug it out that I focused my comments on the importance of confidence. Sometimes, I would have people reach out to me on their own issues, seeking advice, after seeing some random post I made.
My friend and I went to see the latest remake of A Star Is Born with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. We were both supposed to catch up on each other's lives over the last year but found ourselves lost in our own deep thoughts that were triggered from what we saw onscreen. It left me with an overall melancholy which I am processing. While Cooper's character (Jackson) gave Gaga's character (Alli) the love and confidence to propel her to greatness, it was also at the expense of himself and his own self-care.
I have not been on Reddit for a few months as I realized that it was an escape and disconnected me from the world of engaging with live people. Although I may be a natural introvert, my love languages of quality time and physical touch left me wanting. There are moments where Redditors will show gratitude to the immediate advice, but it is rare for someone to provide updates weeks or months later, especially how a few simple words may have made a lasting impact.
Shortly before I had signed off, I had received the following from someone who struggled with matching with someone whom she believed was her type. From my exploration to learn more about myself, I shared my learnings from face of the girl (part 1).
"YOU!! I OWE YOU A HUGE THANK YOU!
You were right. I needed to change up what I was looking for. I had been too complacent and not focusing on finding guys that portrayed the qualities I was looking for in their pics. A week after I found a guy. He was swimming with sharks in his profile and I wouldn't have normally swiped because he only had one face shot. Turns out he's just as unphotogenic as I am. Now three weeks later I'm in a relationship with him and couldn't be happier. He can even keep up in bed it's amazing.
<3 BEST INTERNET ADVICE EVER! THANK YOU!!
/u/hardtopleeze, Reddit
In the same vein, this morning I woke up to a post on a thread that I have no recollection of whatever advice I may have provided. Yet it was kind of him months later to find the specific post and related comment thread to provide his update. Judging from his comments, it may have been in regards to being yourself and naturally you will find the person who will love you for your authentic self.
Apologies for not getting back sooner.
I took your advice and asked her in a second date which went really well with only a slight awkward bump at the end (she was tipsy and misheard something I said).
We went for date number 3 a week later and it was a complete sh1tshow - on exactly zero of the dates could I relax and be myself and I don’t blame her at all for saying at the end of #3 that she wasn’t interested.
Weight came off my shoulders immediately - I texted her later that evening to thank her for giving us a chance and apologised for the guy she’d met which want the normal me.
She was flattered at a couple of the comments I left with those parting remarks and I’m happy that it was left amicably.
I beat myself up completely for a few weeks - friends commented that it wasn’t all my fault etc. but I still firmly believe that it was.
I resigned myself to not dating for a while.
Bizarrely at one of the lower points (and while a little too drunk) I signed up for a dating site and when I sobered up had a few matches and went on a couple of dates with varying degrees of success but nothing long term.
Even more bizarrely I matched with the profile that I can only describe as being the most amazing person (on paper).
Went for a sober dinner date thinking zero would happen and just happy to be not sitting home - had zero expectations so was just myself. Didn’t even try to kiss her goodnight.
We texted when both home and I said I’d love a second date - and she agreed for some reason!
Date #2 went even better - both sober as driving
She would be very pushy normally professionally and socially but, at short notice, we had date #3 during this week at a local cultural event I was invited to (her sober but I had a couple).
We’ve arranged to meet up again tomorrow and I can’t wait - I’ve been nothing but myself an I can’t explain for a second why she’s interested in me.
When I say she’s out of my league there’s no false modesty at all - I’ve separately showed two friends (1 male, 1 female) who asked about her a picture of her that she sent while out with her friends and they independently agreed that she’s stunning and that the pic could have been from a photo shoot. She’s also a little younger than I’d normally date (late 20’s) which could be an issue for her long term but I’ve been open about my own age and doesn’t seem to bother her (yet)
More importantly to me though - she is absolutely hilarious! I mean I have actually laughed out loud at some of her texts/comments - ascerbic and sarcastic but as intelligent in those as she is in the rest of her life.
I’ve no idea if date #4 will turn into 5 or 6 or beyond but I’m not over thinking it at all and just enjoying spending time with an incredible person.
It’s weird to look back on my original post now and see how rattled I was about wanting to date that other lady and how many knots I was tying myself in
Thank you for your advice then though - it definitely helped me to take a step forward then and even though that relationship didn’t work out the advice has stayed with me through to know and the current relationship that I’m enjoying so much. :)"
/u/throughway2, Reddit
We are somehow all connected, and in the end, we will be able to see the entire matrix. Jackson took care of Alli, but who took care of him? In one scene, she noted that she only wanted his happiness, and alluded to even if that is without her. While not all situations end in happy endings, I would like to think that we are all richer by each connection, even if that is to trigger more growth than we would have had otherwise (supernova).
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