me love you long time (part 6)

One of my clients struck oil and had a First Oil Ceremony celebration last night. Anyone who was anybody in the industry and some local celebrities and government officials were at the event. When the CFO (an expat) stopped by our table, he knew I looked familiar and asked if I was the new manager on the account. When they corrected him, he noted that I looked very different than during our first and only meeting a few months ago. Later, he came for a closer look and said 'very stunning actually'.

During my career, I have noticed that people tend to state their titles when others ask what they do for a living. In general, I have stuck to the 'consultant' answer or not really broach the topic, which is a bit of a challenge during my assignment here since part of my role is business development. As I have advanced, people have treated me differently when they find out my level. Over time, this has become one of my pet peeves - my title doesn't define me. Yet, I find that people judge you based on your title. I got to this level being me so why would that change me? While that may be a rhetorical question, I will admit that a large number of people who have made it to such achievements have significantly changed once the title was bestowed upon them and so when asked the question of what they do for a living, their response of the title is to let the title define them.

The CFO remarked that I had looked all 'accountanty' before. When we met, I went to get introduced so it wasn't a meeting I had to actively participate in. The number of times I spoke at the meeting and at the event last night to him was equivalent. So his first impression compared to his second was primarily from the lens that he was viewing me. These vast lenses are why I get such random job offers - personal assistant because I 'speak English good and look pretty' [yes, that was his grammar, and he was Australian - the pay was probably USD 1,000/month]; restaurant manager to 'micro-manage the staff, and it would be a great opportunity and step up' for me [this was from a restaurant owner that has been pursuing me for months, and though he knows where I work, my title and that I'm American Vietkieu, he has no concept of what I do and doesn't care to find out, but thought that by hooking me up with a job that pays USD 4,000/month that it would be equivalent to putting me up in a nice apartment and taking care of me]; and CFO at a company that is looking to go public internationally [potentially higher salary than my current one with options].

One of the celebrities was a top pop singer in Vietnam. Her recent 'scandal' was having a baby with a 'trust fund baby' and getting paid USD 1 million by him. She was treated as if she was one of the local girls chasing after the sexpats (see china anniversary).

Ho Ngoc Ha

But Ha got bitter when asked if the rumors were true that Cuong had bought her an expensive mansion abroad and other lavish gifts. “People will surely buzz about that. But I haven’t done anything wrong. Everybody who knows me will tell you how hardworking I’ve been so far. People are ignoring my serious preparations for childbirth if they think a house or a car is why I’m pregnant. But the more wicked the rumor is, the more my lover appreciates me. He understands how much I have to suffer." ~ Thanh Nien News

In a country where women are known to be the breadwinners and the men are known to be lazy, it is very ironic that the male species 'wear the pants'. The CFO is retiring and a local lady is being promoted to his position. When asked if she would continue the celebration with us after the event was over, she responded that her husband would not permit that and that he was coming to pick her up. While I never thought that the 'breadwinner' concept gave a person the right to set the rules for a relationship, I do think that it should give the person a 'voice' in a relationship. She remarked that it is not the Vietnamese way, and that the husband 'sets the rules and trains the wife'. 

I have two aunts who have husbands who have never really worked and gambled their earnings away. I have cousins who learned the same behavior from their fathers. A friend's mother has had to constantly sell off her properties and businesses that she has worked her entire life to build in order to pay off her husband's constant drinking and gambling debts - he also does not work. I find it very sad that women are not appreciated for such sufferings and sacrifices. Yet they do not leave their husbands either, whether out of stupidity, love, loyalty, tradition or some/all of the above. Who needs children when you have a husband to take care of? However, in this case, it is like saying though that the children sets the rules and tells the parents what to do. Hats off to the guy(s) who masterminded the events that got this to be the deep-seeded tradition/culture! [note the sarcasm]