Periodically, there are stories about women who "trick" the men in their lives and get pregnant, primarily to use the baby as a mechanism for the man to stay with her. One of the acquaintances I know during my time in Vietnam just gave birth to a boy this week. She had been living with her boyfriend for over a year; however, they have had a toxic relationship, constantly arguing, when they weren't having sex. He has told friends that he is with her primarily for the sex. She stopped taking her birth control pills without his knowledge, and refused to get an abortion. Although she claimed that she was still on the pill to him and others, her close friends know otherwise.
Men are no less guilty of this. While all men would love to go "in the raw," the responsible ones will always double up even if their partners are covered, to not only prevent pregnancy but also STDs. Most are somewhere in between, but there are those that make a habit of sneakily compromising, tampering with or removing the condom. These men feel "entitled" to go "bareback" without their partners' consents...misogyny at its best.
Women who experience this phenomenon tend to struggle with the conflict of the violation from something that was "consensual sex". A man in Switzerland was convicted of rape for such behavior. Yet, there are online forums where men "train" other men on best practices, offering support in the pursuit of nonconsensual condom removal during sex.
When this happened to me, I was left wondering if I imagined it as I generally get lost in the moment, which enhances my orgasms as I am generally in another world. I would like to say that it was just with an individual who was casual and just generally disrespectful and/or caught up in the heat of the moment, despite it happening more than once (reclaiming the cunt (part 3)), but it has also happened with someone I considered a very good friend, despite me providing them with condoms each time, clearly my communication that my boundary included condoms.
Each time when I discussed it with the partners afterwards, they rationalized it as it was somehow acceptable behavior because I was the only partner at the time and/or they had been tested. However, disrespecting someone's boundaries quickly makes a situation nonconsensual, and while it may not be the traditional form of rape, it is still rape nonetheless. Stealthing and sperm jacking are incredibly violating. Sperm jacking in the former situation is where both had consented to having unprotected sex, just not to procreation, and is still rooted in deception, regardless of whether the woman is left being a single mother or not. Stealthing though was never consensual to have unprotected sex.
I may have felt "icky" and confused/unease at the time, but now I have the vocabulary to realize that it was rape, unfortunately tainting something that was pleasurable otherwise.
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