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There is a saying here that everybody wants the title but not the responsibility (see prior posts stone skipping (part 1), sweat shop, and a box of crayons). This is also why every email is filled with a long distribution list of everyone being cc'ed to the point where nobody reads the email, deletes, and assumes someone else is responsible for it. Within my first few months here, I was told, rather than asked, to present on a topic specific to Vietnam. If it related to US or international standards, perhaps the logical choice may have been me, but it seemed as if the other 10+ individuals in senior management would have been more credible rather than the Vietkieu who has only been in the country for less than three months, plus it would have eliminated the translator. However, since nobody else wanted to do it, I was left holding the bag, which usually explains all the multiple hats I wear at work.

Every year we are required to sign declarations that we are aware of policies, yet I find that they constantly tell me that I need to re-communicate those policies, and when there are continuous infractions, it is my responsibility to do a live training because I should 'know' that nobody reads emails. Having someone who is the 'new kid on the block' who hasn't been taught the policies herself to teach the policies to others is somehow illogical only to me. Saying that individuals should be responsible for reading policies and paying attention to the multiple training media fall on deaf ears, as the responsibility somehow falls on me.

It came up in a management meeting last week that I needed to focus more attention on knowing when people didn't understand me and to recognize those situations and clarify. Turns out that rather than following up with me when another partner did not understand policy, he decided to post his complaint to the functional leader that she needed to educate me on how to 'communicate better and cooperate' rather than do the obvious of recognizing that he needed to read the policy and educate himself or to follow up and ask clarifying questions. As is my style, I addressed him directly, took off all the cc's (which he then put back on and added others), and after numerous re-attachments of prior communications, it was clear that his only point was that senior leadership needed to "work with [me] for better communication and cooperation" since it was not his role.

So to all the native English speakers (since clearly it is being stated that English is neither my first nor second language), I ask you how clear or unclear the following messages were:

• "...you have to create another XYZ file. The file should...provide a reference to the prior case ID as an audit trail." [communication in August based on generic errors/mistakes going forward]
• "Please resubmit all of these cases to get appropriate approvals in the system." [in September when his case got flagged with an error]
• "You should create a new XYZ referencing the old case ID as noted in last month's communication (attached) to ensure that it has sufficient approvals." [in September when he responded that he took a shortcut and did it manually, and I reattached the August communication]
• "As noted in the attached response,...you will need to create another XYZ." [in October when he continued to respond that he did it manually, and I reattached the prior communications]
• "Going forward, [the cases] will require different XYZ to replace the old ones." [same day in October when he responded "Do you mean I need to create a XYZ case to replace the below case?" - to end the back and forth, I communicated to him that I decided to grant him another exception to do it manually, at which point was when he went to the functional leader to lodge a complaint on my lack of communication and cooperation]

Now, his suggestion on how I should have communicated this from the beginning was "do another cases to replace the former cases even the jobs have been done". That same communication in September regarding 'resubmitting' was sent to five other individuals with errors, of which nobody else had any issues with the instructions that were initially provided. Of course, the functional leader jumped on his bandwagon as well.

I attended a presentation yesterday regarding the 'new normal' as it relates to the global economy and changes in the business environment. The speaker noted: "Management is the ability to deal with challenges. Leadership is the ability to deal with changes." If the challenge that we are stuck on is the Vietnamese schooling the American on English, we are all in a world of hurt!

me love you long time (part 6)

One of my clients struck oil and had a First Oil Ceremony celebration last night. Anyone who was anybody in the industry and some local celebrities and government officials were at the event. When the CFO (an expat) stopped by our table, he knew I looked familiar and asked if I was the new manager on the account. When they corrected him, he noted that I looked very different than during our first and only meeting a few months ago. Later, he came for a closer look and said 'very stunning actually'.

During my career, I have noticed that people tend to state their titles when others ask what they do for a living. In general, I have stuck to the 'consultant' answer or not really broach the topic, which is a bit of a challenge during my assignment here since part of my role is business development. As I have advanced, people have treated me differently when they find out my level. Over time, this has become one of my pet peeves - my title doesn't define me. Yet, I find that people judge you based on your title. I got to this level being me so why would that change me? While that may be a rhetorical question, I will admit that a large number of people who have made it to such achievements have significantly changed once the title was bestowed upon them and so when asked the question of what they do for a living, their response of the title is to let the title define them.

The CFO remarked that I had looked all 'accountanty' before. When we met, I went to get introduced so it wasn't a meeting I had to actively participate in. The number of times I spoke at the meeting and at the event last night to him was equivalent. So his first impression compared to his second was primarily from the lens that he was viewing me. These vast lenses are why I get such random job offers - personal assistant because I 'speak English good and look pretty' [yes, that was his grammar, and he was Australian - the pay was probably USD 1,000/month]; restaurant manager to 'micro-manage the staff, and it would be a great opportunity and step up' for me [this was from a restaurant owner that has been pursuing me for months, and though he knows where I work, my title and that I'm American Vietkieu, he has no concept of what I do and doesn't care to find out, but thought that by hooking me up with a job that pays USD 4,000/month that it would be equivalent to putting me up in a nice apartment and taking care of me]; and CFO at a company that is looking to go public internationally [potentially higher salary than my current one with options].

One of the celebrities was a top pop singer in Vietnam. Her recent 'scandal' was having a baby with a 'trust fund baby' and getting paid USD 1 million by him. She was treated as if she was one of the local girls chasing after the sexpats (see china anniversary).

Ho Ngoc Ha

But Ha got bitter when asked if the rumors were true that Cuong had bought her an expensive mansion abroad and other lavish gifts. “People will surely buzz about that. But I haven’t done anything wrong. Everybody who knows me will tell you how hardworking I’ve been so far. People are ignoring my serious preparations for childbirth if they think a house or a car is why I’m pregnant. But the more wicked the rumor is, the more my lover appreciates me. He understands how much I have to suffer." ~ Thanh Nien News

In a country where women are known to be the breadwinners and the men are known to be lazy, it is very ironic that the male species 'wear the pants'. The CFO is retiring and a local lady is being promoted to his position. When asked if she would continue the celebration with us after the event was over, she responded that her husband would not permit that and that he was coming to pick her up. While I never thought that the 'breadwinner' concept gave a person the right to set the rules for a relationship, I do think that it should give the person a 'voice' in a relationship. She remarked that it is not the Vietnamese way, and that the husband 'sets the rules and trains the wife'. 

I have two aunts who have husbands who have never really worked and gambled their earnings away. I have cousins who learned the same behavior from their fathers. A friend's mother has had to constantly sell off her properties and businesses that she has worked her entire life to build in order to pay off her husband's constant drinking and gambling debts - he also does not work. I find it very sad that women are not appreciated for such sufferings and sacrifices. Yet they do not leave their husbands either, whether out of stupidity, love, loyalty, tradition or some/all of the above. Who needs children when you have a husband to take care of? However, in this case, it is like saying though that the children sets the rules and tells the parents what to do. Hats off to the guy(s) who masterminded the events that got this to be the deep-seeded tradition/culture! [note the sarcasm]

hallmark holiday

It may be blasphemous to say this, especially as a woman, but I have always hated Valentine's Day. Perhaps this disenchantment with the holiday materialized at a younger age when all the single ladies got to feel as if they were losers for not getting some carnation during some charity drive in high school or some gaudy bouquet in the office. In high school, one of my classmates purchased a carnation for herself to mitigate such perception; however, when it was discovered that she purchased it rather than some secret admirer - I think every single  girl has had thoughts of doing the same thing, I couldn't help but feel really hurt for her as she was being ridiculed behind her back. That is probably when I truly developed my disgust - it was always a lose-lose day.

Today is Vietnam Women's Day. While International Women's Day (see ♀♀girl power♀♀) and Vietnam Women's Day do not single out any particular group of women, it is still another holiday where the men feel the pressure to do something for the women. Anytime someone has to remind or pressure another to do something or organize the event(s) itself and have the other pay, it tends to devalue the moment for me. There were no retailer discounts, signage/banners, etc. but the women in the office did receive small tokens including a rose. Florists had additional bouquets/arrangements to purchase for the day but it was nowhere near the volume from International Women's Day. Perhaps I was the only one who thought it was odd that in Vietnam, Vietnam Women's Day was 'second fiddle'. To my dismay, it turns out that 81 years ago, a group of Vietnamese women formed an association of anti-colonialism on this very day. Somehow I thought that it was the Vietnamese version of Rosie the Riveter.

We should not need formal or (inter)national holidays to celebrate such matters as love or the special women/men in one's life. Premiums should not be placed on items because of those holidays. The novelty of these women's days have worn off on me. I gave my tokens to my executive assistant to give as her gifts to her mother (whom she had taken off for over a year to care for), who would appreciate these gestures more than I did. For me, I would trade the pricey bouquet of flowers for the equivalent number of bouquets on regular days and have a person surprise me on random days. Better yet, when there are those small moments, whether it was a smile, a habit, a look, an experience...that made you feel it, tell (or show) me you appreciate or love me.

stone skipping (part 1)

My life is a sum of my experiences and people who have shaped me - good and bad. While we all know that we impact others, it is a rare occasion where people take the time to communicate how someone has been the tipping point in their lives and/or careers. I don't love my job, which is why I admire those who are able to turn something they love into a career. I do, however, enjoy aspects of what I do, of which one is developing and mentoring people.

Since my arrival, I have constantly heard different renditions of executives who have had issues with middle management in Vietnam. I have witnessed many of these frustrations myself at clients and our own company. Based on my observations, I am convinced that it has to do with how individuals are developed. I once heard someone say that the source of issue is due to the education system here - students are asked for the right answer rather than their thoughts on a particular topic. I have been experimenting with my various engagement teams, challenging the status quo. Because I head up one of the functions, I am also able to experiment with that particular team with limited external influences from others. There have been a number of times where a staff member would push back and say that is not how it is done here.

When a senior came into my office and shut the door at the end of the day on Tuesday, I was bracing myself for some client or internal issue that I would have to resolve. So when she noted that she heard a rumor from one of the secretaries who heard it from an associate that I was leaving, I had to laugh at the office gossip. After quizzing her for details and whether this is senior management's way to fire me or to get leads on some great opportunity someone must be aware of for me to pursue, she said in a huff that my departure is not funny.

After sobering up, I realized from her body language that she was very upset. She noted that she had learned a lot in the last few months and is starting to really love the team, including those she had either struggled with in the past and/or had reservations about. She commented that she would have to look for a new job if I left as she did not want to go back to the old culture/management style, at which point I advised her that she should never make decisions based on what someone else does but rather look at her opportunities and career options.

Group karaoke

Last night I went to a dinner for one of the other functions. Other than those that directly interact with me on engagements, others are usually shy about approaching the foreigner in the office. I was a bit surprised when one of the new managers sat down next to me to tell me that the office has changed a lot since my arrival in a very positive way and not with just my engagement teams.

Despite being initially intimidated by my review notes, he noted that it was the first time in his career that he had received constructive comments and was learning a lot that he could do on all his engagements. Perhaps his comments made me a bit vulnerable, but he was later able to convince me to do a karaoke duet with him. He also said that I should not work so hard. After I asked him why he thought I worked hard, it became apparent that he equated someone with a thin frame at my age to a workaholic - clearly he had too much beer at this stage in the night.

While many prefer to make a big splash, I prefer to be a skipping rock. A big object may make a big splash initially but it sinks quickly, and the water momentarily adapts and envelopes it. A skipping rock, on the other hand, continues to make ripples, which combined with other ripples, may result in waves and perhaps tsunamis.

sweat shop

I was asked today to sign my name to a memo regarding a new policy that dictated mandatory office hours and punitive penalties for tardiness, regardless of how much overtime is worked (i.e., no overtime pay). We are in the professional services industry which focuses on client service. This usually requires untraditional work hours in order to be responsive to clients. 

However, there are a number of individuals who have not been professional in their work ethic. Because of the passive-aggressive culture of the office, rather than addressing the matter with the specific individuals who abuse the system, leadership has decided to penalize everyone by putting more policies in place. Those with poor work ethics will always find a way to continue their behavior regardless of what policies are executed.

The HR manager who has been supporting me in expanding my team questioned me on one of the individuals I was looking to hire. She believed that the individual was too assertive and aggressive and would be hard to control. Those traits were the exact reason why I wanted to hire her. A successful consulting practice would usually include some combination of aggressive, creative, 'outside of the box'  individuals. She agreed but retorted that the individual would never survive in the company as leadership want people who can be controlled. She laughed when I said that was why I struggle everyday.

My response to the HR director regarding the memo was that if he wanted me to mandate a time to come into the office or penalize staff, then I should also mandate a time to leave or give benefits to staff. Most countries call for overtime pay for sweat shops. People tend to behave based on how they are treated - I am here to help develop professionals. If leadership wanted to issue this policy, then the force(s) behind it should own up to it rather than hide behind and have others do their handiwork. Passive-aggressive coupled with a micro-managing culture is a recipe for disaster for my INTP personality.

pda psa

The world evolves due to those innovators who constantly challenges the status quo. The Population and Community Development Association (PDA)  opened the C&C restaurant to not only generate income to fund its activities but also promote better understanding and acceptance of family planning in Thailand. The concept is simple - condoms should be as commonplace as cabbages. The restaurant is full of fun and inventive ways to promote safe sex, including ingenious outfits made with colorful condoms from all over the world.

 Surprisingly, it was one of the better dining experiences of local Thai fare!