coming out party

One of my staff had a đầy tháng celebration, which is a one-month party for a newborn. Traditional Vietnamese tend to have a newborn and the mother 'hibernate' for a month to recover while maternal relatives take care of them, either by moving in or having mother and baby move to the relative's house. In some cases, they already live together. There are very specific dietary restrictions and care. Different families have different traditions. Many of them steeped in centuries of superstitions and beliefs despite modern medicine.

Infant mortality used to be very significant - so much so that one superstition is not to name your child until the one-month mark. Despite the hot climate, one tradition would be to not run the air conditioner or fan because the 'wind' could cause illness. Some even 'burn coal' under the bed or some form of heating to keep the body warm. Certain food (including congealed blood) is prescribed to help the mother 'heal'. Rice wine or something similar is used to bathe the mother - again, the reason is to kill the bacteria. Neither can leave the house during this period and the mother is expected to stay in bed for much of the time. While many of the traditions had reasons - some valid, some not, modern medicine and hygienic conditions make them moot, the deep superstitions rooted in these traditions have caused some families to be at odds with each other.

The đầy tháng birthday celebration is usually only attended by extended family. However, small packages of xoi (sweet sticky rice) and che dau (bean dessert) are put together for others that the family wants to share blessings with or that the family believes will bring honor and luck to the baby, depending on who you ask. So when another staff brought in the package for me on behalf of the new mother, I was surprised that she thought of me, not knowing of course what it meant other than that everyone knows I have a 'wicked sweet tooth'. Although we have such celebration in the United States, there are a number of traditions that get dropped. So I was not aware of how common the packages are. On my commute home from work, I had two people ask me if it was for đầy tháng, with a knowing smile. I'm not sure if that was because it was confirmation that I would bring luck to the baby given my success or that the family especially picked me to receive extra blessings.

 

Either way, I am honored and blessed.

stamp collection

I noticed on Facebook that my brother and his family are in Hawaii for vacation. It reminded me of one of my earlier memories of my sister-in-law over 10 years ago. As they were planning on their honeymoon, in Hawaii, of all places, she asked me whether she would need to get a passport to go there.

A few years ago, I read that a majority of Americans do not have passports. Of all the developed countries in the world, the United States has the highest percentage of individuals who do not travel abroad. My first trip overseas was to Italy - freshman year in college. Although it was an organized class trip, only the plane ticket and hotel stay was covered as part of the scholarship. While some had their parents' credit cards and travelers' checks, there was a small group of us who traveled on a budget of less than USD 20 a day. This entailed taking advantage of the hotel breakfast, packing lunch from the various breakfast meats, and stretching as much as we could. One of the items on my bucket list is to go back to Italy with no budget.

I haven't quite made it yet as I have found that my priority is to go to places I haven't been yet. For me, it's not checking off the list of museums and all the tourists' attractions. I actually enjoy the experience - the people, the culture, the smells, the food and more importantly, simply expanding my horizons. These experiences have shaped me and my open views in life. The saying about walking in someone else's shoes takes on a whole deeper meaning when you understand the 'whys'. 

While some enjoy vacation that are familiar territories where they either feel safe or have creature comforts of home, I gravitate towards the unknown and thank my lucky stars that I am fortunate enough to be able to collect the stamps on my third passport since my first plane ride to NYC!

medical tourism

If you have never heard of this concept, it is actually pretty phenomenal. There are a number of countries/cities in the world that have built a full service tourism around its medical practices. The draw is both for financial reasons as well as quality. In the past, it was the wealthy from the third world countries that would travel to developed countries for quality health care. However, it has evolved to third world countries spending billions to develop this industry. Tourist companies have also provided full travel packages including after-care facilities and services.

Brumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok is well renowned with top of the line machinery and practitioners who have studied in the top rated medical schools around the world. Many expats in Asia travel to Bangkok for their annual physical as the hospital offers a full comprehensive package. Historically, patients came for elective surgeries such as cosmetic surgeries; however, they are now top for critical surgical practices such as cardiac surgeries.

Brumrungrad is also a well oiled machine in processing patients from start to finish. Appointments can be made online. They have translators for most languages. Patients are processed timely with medical bracelets through the various medical centers on premise. The hospital rooms are like hotel rooms with flat screen TVs, modern furniture and kitchenette. After-care also includes Skype or FaceTime with medical practitioners.

For Americans, the incentive includes medical practices that have not been FDA approved but are legal in other countries. The costs for travel, hospital, after-care and some vacation are many times equal or less than the costs to do it in the U.S. The risks usually relates to the ongoing check-ups, after-care, legal issues, etc. However, in many cases, the pros outweigh the cons.

jer-bear

On the other side of the world, I've been riveted by this case. For almost two weeks, I would check the news before I went to bed and after I woke up for the latest developments. The gag order and closed courtroom prevented play-by-plays. The items being reported was enough to make any person need a good disinfectant from the slime.

Whether the victims did it for financial gain or other motives, it takes courage to constantly be grilled many times by many people in front of millions and go through such personal traumatic memories from a cache of horrible memories and experiences typical of 'at-risk' children. No amount of money can ever make up for that.

Sandusky was sick. Perhaps he went through his own demons and the little I've read about his family life with his parents, it would not surprise me if he went through some sort of abuse himself. He is responsible for making his own decisions though as an adult, and many who have been abused consciously make different decisions. However, it appears as if there were a number of enablers, and those are the ones I find just as, if not more, reprehensible and despicable. I, for one, hope that the next chapter of this nightmare is to have each one of them pay for the decisions that they made. Karma, justice...whatever you want to call it...time for it to come a'knocking!

* * * * *

Update February 12, 2017:

Sandusky's karma continues via his adopted son Jeffrey, who has been arrested for 14 charges related to sex crimes involving children, including statutory sexual assault. A five-year investigation that ended in 2016 uncovered 45 victims of Sandusky. His adopted son that was arrested had professed his father's innocence, even after the adopted son had allegedly molested two girls while living with their mother.

As I recently heard, someone doing something to you is his/her karma; however, your reaction is your karma. Unlike his adopted brother, Matt Sandusky, another adopted son, had chosen to speak up against his father during the trial, thus further validating many of Sandusky's previous victims that others were bashing. Matt has also chosen to continue to be involved in supporting the victims and co-founded Peaceful Hearts, a not-for-profit organization that advocates for survivors of sexual abuse as well as educate children and adults on sexual predators to prevent victimization of children.

The one person who continues to remain silent to this day is Sandusky's wife Dottie, who clearly turned blind eyes and deaf ears and was the biggest enabler of them all. When she did speak during Sandusky's trial, she blamed the victims for being money grabbers. She is joined by Camille Cosby as those who chose to support their spouses as trade-offs for fame and money. I, for one, hope that one day, they will choose to end their karmic cycle by walking in the light instead of darkness.

mind masturbation

I had the pleasure of hanging out with a number of men this weekend who were from Australia but now living in different parts throughout Asia or still in Australia. It occurred to me how much I miss intellectual stimulation. I really, really do!!!

I used to read a lot but for some reason I haven't quite gotten into it during my time in Vietnam. When I travel, I do bring a book from a collection of romance-based novels that a friend had given me before I left. While I liked these books when I was younger and still believed in Prince Charming, it no longer has the thrill it used to and is just mindless reading. I would like to say that the lack of reading my usual thrillers and adventures is because of access to reading material but quite frankly, I haven't even tried, and I don't know why. Last 6 months was due to work and lack of time but even before that I dropped the habit, perhaps novelty of the market and too much partying although the same 5 places to go are getting boring quite fast.

But I really miss the stimulation of having an engaging debate on taboo topics such as religion, politics, financial markets, and even sex. Although people here have no issues with broaching taboo topics such as age, marriage, or salaries and giving advice on everything you don't think is their business (see me love you long time (part 3)), there is a true lack of debates from knowledgeable people. The few times I have seen it, there is usually someone dominating who has to be right and likes to think she/he is the expert that the rules of healthy debate goes out the window so I don't even bother. I have also experienced it from an expat (who also happens to be an Australian who has lived in Asia too long), but in that case, he didn't like that he was debating with a woman who didn't automatically just tell him he was right and so smart. He once told someone that his type is someone like me but 'more agreeable'. 

Whether expats or locals, the genders tend to separate with men discussing sports, drinking and ladies, while the women gather to discuss domestic matters, gossip and what I call busy body topics. I don't know why people avoid even topics of aspirations and future plans, perhaps it is because so many come and go especially the expat community that they focus on the here and now.

Like the body, a girl needs periodic mind masturbation. Unfortunately, unlike the body, many times, doing it solo isn't so stimulating.