seeing white (part 1)

After a few unsuccessful attempts, my friend is finally pregnant with her first. They threw a coed shower for her today, and as time moves, so do friendships. They have mostly had expat friends rather than local; however, as I look around the room, I did not recognize anyone other than the mutual friend I showed up with. None of those others had even attended or been invited to their wedding two years ago.

It would seem that during her last few years of trying to get pregnant, she may have become a different person. Many of her old friends that I had met through them were intentionally not invited, as she was evasive as to the reason. In a way, my friend and I were an afterthought - we were the only Vietnamese in the apartment as well.

By ways of deduction based on the Law of Attraction, are their current friends a reflection of whom they have become? It is a small apartment and there were perhaps twenty adults and a slew of children. As the mistress of ceremony was trying to get us to break up into two teams for a game, one group in the living room and another in the kitchen, my friend and I found that we were the only two in the kitchen before the father-to-be joined us. When we moved into the living area to one of the sides, one of the other participants commented that I was part of the kitchen team, at which point I responded that I was one of three people so we decided to join the others. 

Prior to that, the mistress of ceremonies had asked us all to move to the living room. Given that there were limited seats, I moved to the perimeter to sit on the floor. One of the other women who was sitting on the dining room chair picked up her chair to move to the living area. She stared at me as I continued to look at her. Without blinking or looking away, she set down her chair right in front of me, turned around and sat down, fully blocking me from the rest of the group. Whether I was the help or an invited guest should be irrelevant to her actions and white priviledge. 

Turns out that she hangs out with my friend and her husband on a weekly basis. I am happy for them that they are on their way to their next milestone of relationship escalator, but am perplexed and sad as to the path that they took to get there. Ironically, although I have not seen her in years and our interactions on WhatsApp are intermittent, in the game of eight questions of how well do you know the parents-to-be, of all the others, I had won with the most correct responses.

midnight madness

Supposedly, one should avoid getting married and opening a new business during ghost month (the living dead). That did not stop a friend/"sista from another mother" from doing a civil ceremony Thursday (Sept. 7) in Italy, which we broadcasted on FaceTime, nor did it detour a number of stores from bypassing a critical feng shui date of 9/9 (luck be the lady).

H&M (Hennes & Mauritz) is a global clothing retailer. Although it is a Swedish company, it is well known in the U.S. more as a discount retailer, carrying low-end collections from designers and celebrities, such as Karl Lagerfeld and Madonna. Because of this, it seemed surreal that the grand opening of H&M in Ho Chi Minh City called for a countdown clock, red carpet with celebrities and midnight opening with locals queuing hours in advance.

With the luxury taxes placed on such brand names, I am not sure if the price point in Vietnam would result in the discount concept. However, Zara, a comparable peer, seems to be doing well in the Vietnam market even with its price point. Regardless, it is not clear if it is the "scarcity" principle or FOMO that is the driver for the patience to stand in line for hours for the chance to buy clothes from H&M at midnight on a Friday night. Somehow, I think the quality is not significantly different from the clothes in Saigon Trade Center at the Hermes price. 

same same but different

The skyline has changed. There are multiple Starbucks and the Golden Arches seemed to have made its debut. Lê Lói Street is practically unrecognizable with the construction to build a subway. Yet, as I spent my first day in District 1, navigating new and old spots, many things are still the same.

Vietnamese white coffee is a combination of strong black coffee with sweetened condense milk. As I am not a coffee drinker, I tend to substitute it for black tea. However, in good old Vietnamese style of not thinking outside of the box (a box of crayons), if it was not on the menu, the wait staff could not take the order, despite having all the vital ingredients. Substituting tea for coffee in Vietnamese white coffee or substituting sweetened condense milk for milk and sugar with an order of a pot of tea somehow was overly complicated.

birthday bubbles

It continues to amaze me that I am remembered not only by my face but also by name (at your service). For some of these establishments, it has been two years, others more than four. From the bánh cuốn (street food) lady to a foot massage lady who has never worked on me but had seen me in the establishment to the spa owner who automatically knew how deep I like the pressure, it felt good to be back. I even got a glass of bubbles from a restaurant manager who remembered my birthday.

Tricia & Verona are expensive for local customers as tailors; however, their quality and price tend to cater to expats. Over the last six years, I have maybe used them three times maximum, of which one was for a bridesmaid dress that my friend had organized for her wedding in 2013 after I repatriated. Having sent in measurements beforehand, I had only planned to come in a week before the wedding for any last minute fittings.

popping out...almost

However, Verona had remembered my measurements to be much smaller (e.g., thinner) than what I had submitted so adjusted accordingly as she had assumed that the measurements were incorrect. They were so confident about the prior measurements that they didn't even cut the pattern to have much wiggle room. Since that time, my friend out of principle no longer uses them although she initially introduced me to them. The groomsmen and their friends though were making bets as to when I would pop out of my bridesmaid dress. As they put it, it was not a matter of "if" but "when".

Since I had only a week left here, I did not have time to explore new tailors. Besides, my friend's principles are not the same as mine, as it was not my wedding that they had put stress on. Quite frankly, Tricia & Verona had intended to provide the extra customer service based on repeat customers, and knowing our personal profile and measurements. It could have completely gone the other way if my measurements that were sent over were, in fact, incorrect, and they did not have time to correct it. When picking fabric color this time, Verona noted that as my clothes tended to be more neutral and/or subtle so for a fun outfit, she suggested I got for a brighter color such as burnt sienna. I was slightly taken aback when she stated it so confidently as if she had been observing my wardrobe over the years.

As the foot massage lady commented that she had not seen me come in the in a very long time, my other friend who was with me noted that perhaps she was just making conversation (yes, we were texting each other as we sat next to each other); however, I am not so sure given my recent experiences in the last 48 hours. As for special orders, I soon learned that it was better to order the pot of tea, and then ask for sweetened condensed milk after the tea has been brought out.

the living dead

The 7th month of the lunar calendar is ghost month, especially for those who follow Buddhism or Taoism. It is said that the spirits who may have been confined to hell get a month of parole where they can associate with the living. The 15th of the month is considered Pavarana (Zhongyuan or Yu Lan Pen) Day (or Hungry Ghost Festival), which is a day to feast the spirits to please and pacify them, especially any restless ones who may be back to cause misfortune.

As my friend's aunt (22 and 11:11 (part 6)) was channelling what the spirits had to show her as it related to me, it seemed as if many of my ancestors came at her from all angles. She noted that many of them are stuck, and suggested that I should help to set them free. It seemed apropos with ghost month, specifically with today being the 15th of the 7th month. She was also very specific in the temple that would have the appropriate monks to do the blessings...One Pillar Pagoda (Nam Thiên Nhất Trụ).

While I may not believe in organized religions, I do believe that every soul is entitled to have their beliefs and in so doing, may be trapped in the trappings of such beliefs. Out of respect for my ancestors and loved ones, I felt obligated, yet honored, that I had an opportunity of being in the right place at the right time to lend a helping hand. Although my mother had texted me the names, my ancestry app helped me fill in the year of death, and my friend's mom and driver were kind enough to make the journey with me and walk me through the traditions for Cầu Siêu (the deceased) and Cầu An (the sick), as well as appropriate accent marks needed to get the names accurate.

As for the male spirit, she still saw him but he was a lot lighter than the last time she saw him two years ago, and seemed ready to move on as well. It is interesting that the default for Vietnamese is to think that not getting married was a curse, rather than the perspective that perhaps the male spirit was protecting me from the wrong relationship(s) (face of the girl (part 1) and 22). There have been times in the past few months when I thought he may have moved on that I felt that I missed his company; however, I, too, am a lot lighter than I was two years ago and I also hope that he, as well as my ancestors, feel light enough to take flight to everlasting bliss.

soul sistas

bubbles welcome for the pocket rocket

gangnam style birthday

It was not only a holiday in U.S., but also one in Vietnam. The airport was packed at 1 am, especially at the landing visa. With all the time to kill waiting for my name to be called, I switched on Wi-Fi. Similar to beach angel, my friend was waiting outside with her driver and new friend (who supposedly reminded her and her husband of me) with a bottle of bubbles and "cheeky". We spent all night with friends of old and new with not a wink of sleep as we rolled into the girls luncheon the next day for my birthday.

I have historically had more male friends for numerous reasons, perhaps a lot of it was that I did not naturally come from the same space as many of those in reclaiming the cunt (part 5). However, somehow in the last few years, I seem to have crossed paths with some wonderful women that similar to those in full circle (part 6) who have very different perspectives in life have turned out to be sisters from the same soul family. 

master photobomber got photobombed!

In one packed weekend, for various reasons, we were all able to get together to celebrate my birthday and the beginnings of a new phase in my life. There are no other people in my life that I would have wanted more to share this moment with. Some things change yet there are things that and people who do not change in ones' lives for the better. Love is love!