an eye for an eye

I am not a complete believer in time-outs. Like adults, I believe each child has its own way of learning, and like management, the best parenting is to modify to get the best out of a child. Different personalities react to things differently based on the circumstance, perception and learned experiences. The Tiger Moms have had a higher outcome of driven, hard-working individuals, but at what expense? On the other hand, the Baby Boomers overcompensated for their childhoods by raising "all about me" individuals (in what some are calling the Peter Pan Generation because of their sense of entitlement and delays in normal rites of passages to adulthood).

With all things, it is about moderation. My sister raises her family like the Baby Boomers while my brother is more the Tiger Mom style. I've seen the nieces and nephews react to things differently because of this, and only time will tell how they each will end up. I've also seen each child react differently to the respective parenting style, which supports my idea that parenting should be modified and while we all would like to say we should treat each child the same, each child reacts differently so the outcome will always be different. Is it a matter of trying to get to the same outcome or the same inputting factors? I think it should be the former.

I have had a number of spankings in my day. Some beatings I choose to forget, and perhaps, it is a blessing that I have no memory before fifth grade. Parenting in general automatically forces individuals to learn patience, and while there are just those days where the patience has worn thin, I cannot fathom ever getting to the day of this Malaysian woman. One thing I still have not gotten used to is how some Asian parents 'admonish' (intense spankings) their children in public, and how other Asians look on (or ignore for that matter since it is so commonplace). For this reason, I think I admire Thais as their Buddhist culture is embedded in the belief of societal children rearing in a much more tolerant fashion (as noted in a road less traveled).

The following video was shot by the Malaysian mother's friend after witnessing an earlier situation. This occurred on May 29, 2011 but for some unknown reason went viral a year later. While the friend did turn in the video to authorities which resulted in the arrest of the woman, I do not understand how she could have sat through a previous session and then another 5 minute clip without just wanting to haul the mother and physically stop her. I have seen parents get frustrated with the crying and there have been incidences of deaths due to the shaking of the child to try to get them to stop, but as you can see, when the baby is cried out, the mother then instigates it more. It is very difficult to watch.

I cannot imagine the life that the 18-year old mother lived to get her in such a state of anger and pure lack of empathy. While I try to live my life by not judging others, in this situation, I can not help but think that the 18-month prison time that the mother received was not sufficient. Authorities noted that although difficult, she would be able to get her child back after she gets out of prison. To me, her uterus should be removed entirely, and no way in hell, should she be allowed to know where her child is living much less get the child back. Beating and kicking a defenseless 8 to 10-month old baby like some rag doll is reprehensible no matter what country you live in or parenting style you adhere to.

cunning con?

Her name is Ita. She was kind enough to offer to take me around the island on her day off when I was in Bali. We went to some of her favorite spots and some new locales that she had not frequented. That whole day we did a lot of talking. In her 21 years, she was so innocent, and I found myself taking on the role of mentor, and trying to dish out all the wise words I had wished someone had told me when I was young and impressionable.

She had told me about the 8 boyfriends she had in the past year, and how she was so heartbroken. She had told me of Pappa, an Australian friend that sounded like a grandfather figure for her, especially age wise. Initially, it was slightly concerning that there may have been more than just a friendship with Pappa, as there are many older expats who target the young and impressionable Asian women to dominate.

However, during my time in Asia, I have discovered that these relationships are usually mutual in taking advantage of each other for different financial and emotional gains, primarily based on insecurity and unhealthy reasons. The sugar daddy benefits as much as the sugar baby for different reasons. Throughout the course of the day, I would catch comments and actions that were contrary to earlier statements that belied her innocence. The youth and innocence that she portrayed would easily make a man want to protect and be her savior, and with someone with negative intent, it would be easy to shower her with attention that she craved for short term benefits to him, leaving her behind when he returned to his mother country.

* * * * *

Update January 10, 2017:

I recently found out that an acquaintance that I frequently partied with in Vietnam is pregnant. She decided to get herself off of birth control without communicating it to her current expat partner. They continue to have arguments; however, he has disclosed to others that he continues the relationship for the sex. While they are adults and are responsible for their own actions, including enabling each other, I have learned in my research of astrology, numerology and spirituality that bringing others (e.g., child) into the drama is cruel and could pass the karma onto others. Children oftentimes carry the karma of their parents and becomes part of the resolution of such karmic cycles.

Ita is a recent newlywed. From her Facebook posts, it would seem as if her new husband showers her with gifts and tries to help her get acclimated to his family and home in Amsterdam. Yet, there is a sadness behind her smiles in her recent pictures that was not necessarily there in my pictures of her from years ago. Her father passed away over Christmas. Perhaps her family situation resulted in her need to find a husband for practical reasons rather than love. While we would all like to find love, I am blessed in my life in that I am not in a position to feel the need to have a husband or be with someone for anything other than love. I would like to think that if I were either one of these ladies, I would not have made the same unhealthy decisions, but we would never know unless we walk in someone else's shoes.

Ita did make a beautiful bride, and I hope that whoever's karma she is living through that she is able to close the cycle and find happiness that she deserves.

eat, pray, love

In the US, Bali is known as one of the choice destinations for honeymoons. The book and subsequent movie, Eat, Pray, Love, only heightened the desire for Americans to put it on their bucket list. Since my arrival in Southeast Asia, many have stated that Bali was nice but definitely not one of the top beach destinations in the region. It did not deter me from keeping it on my bucket list.

While most of Indonesia follow Islam, Balinese primarily practice a form of Hinduism, thereby much of its arts and culture are steeped in such rituals and traditions. One of its popular rituals is Kecak (a fire dance of mostly men who provide the sound effects to a music drama where Prince Rama battles King Ravana). Because of the trance-like soundtrack, it is also known as an exorcism dance. 

The colors reminded me of the boldness of India yet the people were the gracefulness and friendliness of Thailand. The topography was amazingly vast. It took me quite a while to realize why I could not understand anything anyone was saying though. By the end of the first day, my driver explained that I look Balinese, and therefore, everyone automatically spoke to me in the local language. Another affirmation that I am anything but Vietnamese.

amen brotha!

A poem I wrote to highlight the difference between Jesus and false religion. In the scriptures Jesus received the most opposition from the most religious people of his day. At its core Jesus' gospel and the good news of the Cross is in pure opposition to self-righteousness/self-justification. Religion is man centered, Jesus is God-centered. This poem highlights my journey to discover this truth. Religion either ends in pride or despair. Pride because you make a list and can do it and act better than everyone, or despair because you can't do your own list of rules and feel "not good enough" for God. With Jesus though you have humble confident joy because He represents you, you don't represent yourself and His sacrifice is perfect putting us in perfect standing with God!

~ Jefferson Bethke

Bethke's subsequent facebook post to address those that may be using his message out of context of his intent, similar to what many are apt to do with the Bible, Koran and other religious scriptures:

If you are using my video to bash 'the church' be careful. I was in no way intending to do that... The Church is Jesus' bride so be careful how you speak of his Wife. If a normal dude has right to get pissed when you bash His wife, it makes me tremble to think how great the weight is when we do it to Jesus' wife. The church is His vehicle to reach a lost world. A hospital for sinners. Saying you love Jesus but hate the Church, is like a fiancé saying he loves his future bride, but hates her kids. We are all under grace. Look to Him.

unpalatable

I am sitting at my friend's Italian restaurant that recently opened up. It distinguishes itself as more authentic Italian than the other Italian restaurants in the city. The owner likes to experiment with the dishes, which includes an olive oil ice cream for dessert. One of my favorite dishes is tagliatelle a la ragu.

So on a nice Saturday afternoon where I knew I had to work most of the day, I decided a nice pasta dish with the open air would be a better environment for work. A few things about this restaurant that I like is that it is the only one that serves pasta al dente. While the meal looked slightly different, in my quest to savor the first bite, I ignored the visual cues. It tasted different as well. After confirming that it was the right order, I started to question whether I had the wrong recollection of the dish. I even asked if they perhaps changed the recipe.

Lo and behold, it seems as if many of the locals complained that the dishes were too salty in general and the pasta too hard. The local palates and bellies do not react well to their pasta not being soft (as in their noodle dishes) or to cheese as milk products are generally scarce (hence, lactose intolerance - see got milk?). The wait staff were instructed to note whether the patron was "local" so that the kitchen would adjust the dishes for the different preferences. So what I got was a watered down, bland, overcooked pasta. I ended up sending it back, which I generally avoid doing (see a box of crayons) after trying to eat half of the meal and just couldn't bear it anymore. After all, I didn't come to this restaurant to eat Vitalian - Vietnam's rendition of Italian food. Perhaps next time, they shouldn't assume.