enough is enough

reclaiming the cunt (part 7)

When The Force Awakens, 7th movie in the Star Wars franchise, came out in 2015, a notable character was missing from the movie's action figures, resulting in #WheresRey outrage in social media platforms. Likewise, Black Widow and Gamora from Marvel were also missing from retail shelves. Eventually, Hasbro and Disney released the heroine action figure after all the protests, which ended up selling better than the other characters other than the villain (villains always outsell the other characters).

The phenomenon was based on the view that boys would not play with female action figures. When Sony's emails got hacked, it became evident that lead actresses were being paid at least 20% less than their male counterparts. [This statistic mirrors the gender pay gap in the U.S. as reported by American Association of University Women (AAUW).] With more protagonists of successful franchises like Hunger Games, Twilight, and Divergent led by women, this disparity highlights a systemic problem in the world. Coupled with this is the fact that actresses peak at 34 while actors peak at 51, further limiting leading roles for women during their "prime" career.

The irony is that Amy Pascal was the Sony Studios boss at the time of the hack. She defended her actions, "I run a business. People want to work for less money, I'll pay them less money. I don't call them up and go, can I give you some more?" However, she did note that women should not settle for less, "People shouldn't be so grateful for jobs." As noted in reclaiming the cunt (part 5), sometimes women are our own worse enemies, or viewed differently, can serve as the catalysts to change.

Wonder Woman decimated box office records as the highest grossing movie directed by a woman on opening weekend, as well as biggest opening in June for superhero and for Warner Brothers with the best reviewed superhero film on Rotten Tomatoes. While most superhero films rely on 60% of their audiences being male, Wonder Woman's opening weekend comprised 52% women and 48% men. Of the top 100 grossing films of the last 10 years, 44% were directed by women; yet, there are 23.8 male directors for every female one.

Elektra and Catwoman were both directed by men and were flops. Patty Jenkins also directed Monster, which resulted in Charlize Theron winning an Oscar and was the last feature film she had directed. Although "Aileen Wuornos" was not a lovable character, the movie allowed audiences to see her vulnerable side and better understand the drivers to her actions. Similarly, she portrayed Wonder Woman as an independent and strong superhero, with a vulnerability represented by tears when she was not able to save innocent people in a town. In business, it is often said that tears are a sign of weakness, especially in a woman (a study notes that 41% of women vs. 9% of men have cried in the workplace). Tears could be from joy, frustration, anger or passion. Women generally feel worse after crying at work while men feel better.

I am guilty for having shed tears at work. Early on, it was primarily from frustration, and while I have learned to hold it in so as not to give my "power" away, I recently let it dribble (stone skipping (part 4)) from compassion. I found myself trickling tears while watching the movie today. I was proud that they were able to portray a female superhero with the balance of strength and vulnerability that makes for a great leader.

"Zeus created man to be strong and wise and compassionate...It's not about what you deserve. It's about what you believe, and I believe in love.

...I glimpsed the darkness that lives within their light. And I learned that inside every one of them, there will always be both. A choice each must make for themselves. Something no hero will ever defeat. And now I know, that only love can truly save the world."

~ Diana of Themyscira, Princess of the Amazons 

full circle (part 5)

Someone with Saturn in Gemini supposedly has communication challenges as a child; however, this also is a person who works hard, and so can become successful in communication as an adult, especially if he/she chooses to face this challenge head on. Such communication challenges could be from speech impediments or feeling as if he/she is not listened to, especially in comparison to siblings. As one person described it, it could also be from an overbearing mother overshadowing and silencing the father, resulting in the person learning from that environment.

I did have a lisp that speech therapy helped address and given my situation with my mother (full circle (part 3)), I never felt that I was heard as a child, especially when my brother would bribe my sister to take his side in things. In a culture that is male dominated, my mother seemed to always blamed my father for her situation (e.g., married at an early age rather than focus on her career) although according to her, her parents had her marry so that they no longer had another mouth to feed. Because my dad was in the military and mechanical in nature while my mother was educated in university, she always made him feel less intelligent.

It was always sad and frustrating for me to see him not stand up for himself when she did that. It is also the reason why I stray away from relationships where either the man wants me to change him and/or someone I view as a doormat and who does not stand up for his own beliefs and decisions. Yet, my dad is the best MacGyver (third time's the charm). He could fix anything even with limited tools and/or parts. We used to have such an old washing machine because he could always fix it and at some point, my mother had to just tell him to stop fixing it so that we could get a more modern one with additional functionalities. 

He also used to buy scrap cars and fix them from scratch, only to then give it away to others, like the Mexicans who worked with him at the auto shop, who could not afford to buy new or even old cars. My mother recently told me how all the old folks at the temple rely on him to fix random things and would bring them in hoping he would be able to be their MacGyver as well. What I love about him is that even if someone did not compliment/appreciate him, he would compliment himself in a passive aggressive way with a twinkle in his eye that just makes one giggle, almost very childlike.

We always had a very unique banter and wit, teasing each other, complete with a dead pan delivery, that made strangers think we did not like each other. My cousin once told me that she thought for years that my dad and I did not like each other because we would almost try to outdo each other in insults of sorts. She clearly missed the gleam in our eyes and smile to each other when we did it. My mother almost always missed it when I was younger, and usually became an unwitting pawn in believing the things we said until I had to clue her in.

However, it took me many decades for me to realize that my father's interaction with my mother was not due to weakness. It was due to love and kindness. He picked his battles. She was usually the disciplinarian and out of my rebellion, I would push her buttons until she brought in my father to step in during my impetuousness (see an eye for an eye). I believe the last "spanking" I received was when as a teenager, I declared at dinner that I would never marry an Asian (I have many reasons for that view at the time), and wallop, I was flying over other chairs and almost hit my head on the fish tank. It wasn't until twenty years later that my mother disclosed to me that my parents had a long discussion after that and agreed that they will have to let go of their views on potential partners for their daughter, as my father's reaction really shook him (them). He has always known how unhappy she has been and his concessions for her views, discipline, etc. was his way of trying to minimize her unhappiness.

One of my biggest hopes is that one day he will get the chance to meet my dad, my first soulmate...the two men I admire and love the most. Both are MacGyvers in their own right.

Happy Father's Day, bô'! Thanks for teaching me the art of kindness.

reclaiming the cunt (part 6)

POTUS and his constituents seem to be taking America back through a time warp. With the collusion with Russia investigation, there appears to be a lot of effort in trying to make the investigation go away. If nothing unethical or illegal transpired, what is the harm letting it play out? Thou dost protest too much, me thinks.

Democratic Senator Kamala Harris was California's attorney general before her current position. She is one of the few women on the intelligence committee that is investigating the Russian matter and potential obstruction of justice. She asked probing questions and cuts off individuals who are not directly responding to her questions in their attempt at blabbering "dog and pony show" as she has a time limit allotted to her.

Despite one man's attempt to note that "hysteria" is a neutral term, as Kristen Powers points out, the term is generally used in regards to women, and Senator Harris' other colleague who also asked probing questions was not equally judged as hysterical. It has been used to delegitimize women for centuries (face of the girl (part 2)). History has gendered the term, and means "of the womb" in Latin. In many of his rants, POTUS could be construed as "hysterical" yet at most, it is described as rambling.

In what one considered "delicious irony," when a man shot up a charity baseball game earlier this week, one of the two heroes, who is ultimately responsible for taking the "kill shot" and saving the House Majority Whip, is a married lesbian. Crystal Griner is part of the security detail for Steve Scalise who is anti-marriage equality for homosexuals and a known white nationalist, once describing himself as "David Duke without the baggage". 

While POTUS and many of the leaders are trying to divide us and dehumanize the other, it becomes more evident who is part of the faction that is taking us back in time with "pussy grabbing" or "hysterical women" and those contributing to the evolution of humankind (pussy riots), leaving the others in the dust. These women represent heroes to our young and future generations as well as hope for tomorrow.

face of the girl (part 5)

Periodically, there are stories about women who "trick" the men in their lives and get pregnant, primarily to use the baby as a mechanism for the man to stay with her. One of the acquaintances I know during my time in Vietnam just gave birth to a boy this week. She had been living with her boyfriend for over a year; however, they have had a toxic relationship, constantly arguing, when they weren't having sex. He has told friends that he is with her primarily for the sex. She stopped taking her birth control pills without his knowledge, and refused to get an abortion. Although she claimed that she was still on the pill to him and others, her close friends know otherwise.

Men are no less guilty of this. While all men would love to go "in the raw," the responsible ones will always double up even if their partners are covered, to not only prevent pregnancy but also STDs. Most are somewhere in between, but there are those that make a habit of sneakily compromising, tampering with or removing the condom. These men feel "entitled" to go "bareback" without their partners' consents...misogyny at its best. 

Women who experience this phenomenon tend to struggle with the conflict of the violation from something that was "consensual sex". A man in Switzerland was convicted of rape for such behavior. Yet, there are online forums where men "train" other men on best practices, offering support in the pursuit of nonconsensual condom removal during sex.

When this happened to me, I was left wondering if I imagined it as I generally get lost in the moment, which enhances my orgasms as I am generally in another world. I would like to say that it was just with an individual who was casual and just generally disrespectful and/or caught up in the heat of the moment, despite it happening more than once (reclaiming the cunt (part 3)), but it has also happened with someone I considered a very good friend, despite me providing them with condoms each time, clearly my communication that my boundary included condoms.

Each time when I discussed it with the partners afterwards, they rationalized it as it was somehow acceptable behavior because I was the only partner at the time and/or they had been tested. However, disrespecting someone's boundaries quickly makes a situation nonconsensual, and while it may not be the traditional form of rape, it is still rape nonetheless. Stealthing and sperm jacking are incredibly violating. Sperm jacking in the former situation is where both had consented to having unprotected sex, just not to procreation, and is still rooted in deception, regardless of whether the woman is left being a single mother or not. Stealthing though was never consensual to have unprotected sex.

I may have felt "icky" and confused/unease at the time, but now I have the vocabulary to realize that it was rape, unfortunately tainting something that was pleasurable otherwise.