baby steps

As part of my quest to enter the world of hats and hoods (the girl with the dragon tattoo), I officially graduated from my first coding class tonight. I always thought that in the age of millennials when graduation was not just the 12th grade but every little milestone like kindergarten was a bit "hokey" and potentially bred "narcissists" where everyone is a "winner".

For a few weeks, there were rumblings as to whether the students would invite others to our graduation ceremony as nobody wanted to be an outlier. I was surprised at the turnout as there were mixtures of significant others, parents and friends there to support the graduates. As part of our graduation ceremony, we had to present a project that we developed using concepts we learned in class.

My class consisted mostly of 20 somethings looking to change their careers as administrative personnel and/or an opportunity in a market that is dominated by men. As it was a part-time program, we flitted in and out and primarily got to know each other from extracurricular activities like coding brunch or pairing partners. It was fascinating today to see the varied programs that my classmates developed, and more interestingly, the stories behind their projects and/or how some never thought they would have the opportunity to be a software engineer.

While I initially chose Hackbright Academy as I believed in their mission (reclaiming the cunt (part 5)), having a taste of this world, I am torn about continuing with an intense bootcamp of all women vs. a co-ed bootcamp program. Since much of the coding world is "sharing" to enrich humanity, I soon realize that there is a lot to be learned from people who think "differently," whether from different walks of life and/or gender brain make-up. Diversity to me is like sum of its parts (concept of holism).

Regardless of the path I eventually choose, I am grateful to be part of a class of women who chose to take the first step to shifting the future, as well as an organization that enables women to feel safe to do so. I know that we will always have a support network with each other for the rest of our lives. While it was tough initially with work travel schedule and deadlines and using my brain again in such a technical way, I have discovered that I have found a passion that has caused me to just code for hours and completely lose track of time. As the saying goes..."time flies when you're having fun".

In the end, I enjoyed the graduation ceremony (rather than getting hooded, as red hoodies are saved for bootcamp graduates, we got t-shirts to commemorate the occasion) and in its simplicity of a prep class, it was such a great accomplishment to advance from crawling to walking...and like a dragon, it will be so exciting to finally get my wings and fly!!

11:11 (part 7)

Goats...something about goats all day.

sweet tooth

I have always loved surprises and the magic behind them. In a similar context, I'm not a fan of tradition for its routine as in hallmark holiday, but I have discovered that vibrant colors of flowers make me happy. I prefer wildflowers over roses.

On this beautiful summer day, sweet peas seemed like a perfect treat to go w ith some sweet peaches at a farmers' market. I've always liked sweet peas because they are such non-traditional flowers, but must have never had them. As I wandered the neighborhood, casually strolling and running errands, I would catch glimpses of a fragrant summer breeze, which seemed to put a smile on my face and spring in my step. It wasn't until hours later when a retailer commented, that I realized the seductive fragrance was coming from my sweet peas.

The afternoon ended with another great find...Salt & Straw. It's a homemade ice cream shop hailing from Portland. As my main client is based there, it was a bucket list item to try its different and exotic flavors. However, with the constant long lines and our busy work schedule and deadlines, I had only made it there once. My team had told me rumors that one was being opened in San Francisco soon, as I was constantly trying to recruit them to partake in my sweet tooth adventures, with very little luck - such is my karma to be surrounded by healthy individuals who do not crave sugar.

Lo and behold to my surprise, the ice cream parlor opened up in my hood. Roasted strawberry tres leches and honey lavender sound like such perfect blends of molecular gastronomy, paired with a sunny day. Summer has always been my favorite season, and with a new neighbor in town, this summer will be filled with some sweet indulgence. 💋

safe haven

The body has a way of displaying symptoms and/or 'cry for help' before things get too dire. A couple of years ago, my body was doing weird things for months. At first, I ignored them as signs of aging. I even wondered if somehow I was pregnant. Ultimately, it resulted in such a pain that prevented me from walking normally. Luckily, my parents were visiting when I had to go to an urgent care facility. I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that does not have a common cause that triggers it. Over time, I realized that my trigger is intense stress and my body's communication to slow down, which has led me to rethink my life (and career in the girl with the dragon tattoo).

At the endodontist today, I learned that abscess is a way for the tooth to signal that its nerve, although not necessary for daily functioning, is being attacked, regardless of whether one is experiencing pain. Last weekend, my hair stylist relayed a story about a friend who she used to be close with until recent addictions pushed them apart. After her second pregnancy, possibly due to postpartum depression, the friend had recollections of childhood trauma - molestation.

Up until then, she had a relatively normal life, which consisted of a happy marriage and family. However, despite intense therapy, she was not able to cope with the sudden flash of memories and have been fighting addiction ever since, at the demise of her marriage, family and friendships. Unfortunately, despite her ex-husband's attempts, she does not have much interaction with her children either.

Although my college friends and some close friends have encouraged me to perhaps try hypnosis and/or therapy to re-discover part of my past and memories prior to fifth grade (an eye for an eye, ftale, and moments that matter (part 1)), I have let go of the curiosity a while back (moments that matter (part 6)), fully recognizing that my mind, like my body, knows when to go into 'self-preservation' mode. 

While I would like to think that given my growth over the years, I would be able to face any demons head on, I have full faith that when the time is right, even if that is not at all, the gates will be released. Until then, I am grateful for that temporary blockage in order for me to get closer to enlightenment and happiness. In the meantime, I am sending out positive energy to my stylist's friend that her mind would help her do the same until she can gather her strength to fight her darkness, rather than let it continue to engulf her.

full circle (part 4)

Remember all those slumber party pranks - frozen underwear, whipped cream facial, short sheeting beds, ouija boards, body art, and phone calls? The stories would circulate the playground. I was so excited when I got the invite...finally, I made the short list as one of the cool kids. This was going to be better than and make up for full circle (part 6).

When the birthday girl called to let me know that the party was canceled, I was so bummed that I called my close friend to commiserate. My friend had not gotten the call yet. I did not expect the next call when the birthday girl informed me that the party indeed was not canceled but I was disinvited. It appears as if one of the cooler girls had reservations about spending the night under the same roof as an Asian. My mother never allowed me to go to any future slumber parties after that, which felt as if I was unfairly being punished for someone else's transgressions.

The irony is that all three women are Facebook 'friends'. The girl who had issues with an Asian apparently would contact one of the couple of the childhood friends that I kept in touch with as an adult periodically as she would hear I may be in town during college years and would try to invite herself to events. I believe she may have been one of the people who commented that my lack of attending high school reunions and/or not accepting friend requests came off as elitist, and I must have thought I was too good for everyone since I know was a "big time city girl". Sometimes, you can't win.

Facebook 'friends' are an interesting breed as people are more curious and it's used as a passive stalking mechanism than actual friendships. I have not spoken to many of these people since my childhood. As my commitment to ME and cleaning house (walking tree...new or old roots), I thought about defriending certain people, including those that are not active friends. But doesn't it create negative karma again to do something petty in retaliation for something so long ago?

From the Facebook newsfeed, the 'racist' girl has a son who is homosexual. She's also experienced financial hardships as well as a personal loss of a baby. Perhaps karma has made its way around but she seems to be a more positive person and a caring and loving mother, accepting her son and supporting him in the LGBTQ community. While it may mean nothing to them although it may have meant something at some point when they sent friend requests a few years ago, it occurred to me that I have forgiven the parties involved. It was a time when parents and peers influenced our thinkings and behaviors. They, as well as I, are different people, and while I will still defriend some people, it will be limited to those who clutter my newsfeed with negativity and hatred, such as those with hateful posts stemming from pussy riots.

I am thankful for a few things from this incident. The sister of the birthday girl made the birthday girl call me to tell me the truth when she found out what occurred. I have learned that I always prefer truth, no matter how hurtful it may be, as it gives me power to make my own decisions rather than be a helpless victim to others' lies. It saved me from a lot of embarrassment at school the few days afterwards when I would eventually discover the reality and probably made myself look more foolish by reacting in hurt of the 'unwantedness'. As is, it may have just been limited to a handful of people that knew about it, at least one can hope. I am also thankful for my mother (full circle (part 3)) who upon seeing how devastated her daughter was all weekend had the mind to protect her the best way she knew how...taking the power to disinvite from others and bearing the brunt of my anger for years. Of course, these are all things that the 10 year-old was not mature enough to process.

Today is the birthday girl's birthday. Happy birthday!!