in loving memory

Today is the second anniversary of my paternal grandmother's death, which marks the end of the official mourning period. I didn't know her well yet I did. Some relatives attribute my life to her. As a baby/toddler, I had difficulties eating and/or chewing. In a time and in a country where it wasn't typical to have food processors or jarred baby food, my bà nội (paternal grandmother) would take on the laborious task of chewing up the food for me. With my father in the military and mother working, bà nội was there for many of my formative years. In the last few years, I've heard countless stories about how I would constantly beg to go to bà nội's house, even though I'm at bà ngoại's (maternal grandmother) house.

She raised eight children and countless grandchildren. When she was in her 70s, I finally got to meet her again during my first trip back to Vietnam after we emigrated. Despite combating many old age illnesses, she wanted to go with the family to tour parts of the country despite the harsh traveling conditions in the countryside back then. That was when my sister was able to capture my favorite picture of her. She trekked through the loose sand and insisted on frolicking in the ocean and having the fun that she witnessed from her grandchildren. She had no bathing suit but jumped in the waves regardless - white shirt and all...fun and full of life.

It was her funeral two years ago that brought me back to my birth country. While I was there for a very sad occasion, I also had one of, if not, the best surreal weekend in my life thus far. I remember thinking, and still believe, that the experience was a gift from her (or that she put in a good word for me to the woman upstairs). It also started me on this journey that I'm on now with my quest to explore Southeast Asia and a bit of my culture and history.

There was a ceremony with prayers and blessings, ending with a burning of the mourning clothes and other items, such as symbolic money and clothes for the departed to have in their afterlife. At the age of 90, bà nội finally joined her husband who preceded her two decades ago and her son who perished in the war. The mourning period may be officially over but she will always remain in my heart.

spoil me rotten

Sometime in my 30s, I decided that I was going to treat myself with 'me' time. It started as a massage and/or facial or body scrub once a year. Summer months had the special treat of manicure/pedicure once a month. As my salary increased, so did my spa treatments with quarterly massages, semi-annual facials, and mani/pedi's once in awhile during the other seasons.

However, I have more than met my quota since my arrival here. What started off as two women getting together for a massage has turned into half a day of female bonding. We have now started a weekly girls' Sunday spa day whereby a number of us (~5) meet for a variety of such services. 

While there are a number of establishments with a wide range in prices, the prices usually are not indicative of the quality of the services. Many of my friends go to different places for different services although all of them offer the complete menu.

Some of the finds (not necessarily by cheapest prices but best quality) so far include:     

  ~ 60 min hot stone massage (VND 70,000)

     ~ mani/pedi (VND 80,000)

     ~ 90 min foot scrub (VND 150,000)

   ~ shampoo with 30 min scalp massage (VND 75,000)

    ~ makeup application and updo (VND 200,000)

    ~ highlights and haircut, which includes 30 min shampoo and scalp massage (VND 1,000,000)

* fx rate VND 21,000 = USD 1

Today's treatment was a 60 min facial, which included a hot stone upper body massage, at the Dermalogica spa. One of the best facials I've ever had. So when they had a promotional offer for first time customers of 'buy 10 at 30% off with 2 bonus facials,' I couldn't resist getting a few. I was told that it is the most expensive facial in the city but well worth it. At the equivalent of USD 23, it is enough to make a girl feel like a pampered princess!!

a lil' part of history

I had lunch at the Rex hotel yesterday at its Rooftop Garden. It was a good day to be eating outside with a nice breeze wafting by. It had a great view of the city, including the new Bitexco Financial Tower, which is now the tallest building with 68 floors, toppling Saigon Trade Center's 14-year reign as the tallest with 33 floors.

The Rex hotel has been recently renovated, but still represents a part of history, hosting the 'Five O'Clock Follies' and numerous war correspondents. The war seems a distant memory from the view. Yet in all the construction and newly developed or recently renovated buildings, one seems to stand out attesting to the past and in many cases, reality that is visible outside of District 1.

When my family returned for a visit the first time in 1997, remnants of the war and history were prevalent with constant reminders by individuals with missing limbs on the streets begging for money or cyclos crowding the streets. In its quest to attract and expand the tourism industry, the government has pushed much of this out of District 1, with the exception of the few cyclos available at tourist locations for a short trip around the block (similar to the carriage rides in Central Park in NYC). It's probably only a matter of time before they replace this building.

In a moment of surrealism, I had lunch with someone who just evacuated from the tragic events in Japan.   An event that is creating history and unfolding right before our eyes. In trying to follow the ongoing news, I have witnessed some of the narrow mindedness of individuals all over the world, specifically Americans, who have posted disparaging comments about the repercussions of past sins. That's like blaming all existing Americans for slavery and the events of 9/11. He recounted details of the initial earthquake and life days after. It is a true testament to the mettle of Japanese in their construction and infrastructure that has withstood such wrath from Mother Nature, as well as their patience and sense of order in how they have and are evacuating. You would never see such orderly lines in Vietnam or USA.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those individuals in Japan and their families and friends. Having survived 9/11 and the aftermath, I still find myself sometimes wondering why I was spared and what purpose I am meant to serve in the big scheme of things.

Note: I am still trying to find a worthy organization to donate funds to help Japan. I have historically donated to the Red Cross for such tragedies; however, it seems as if only about 50% makes it to the actual recipients so if you have any suggestions, please shoot me a message.

seeing green

While there was no parade, a number of people still took off of work or left early to start their liquid diets for St. Patty's. O'Brien's is one of the few Irish bars in Ho Chi Minh City. It is owned by a French Vietkieu and was packed with a lot of Westerners.

The owner had a lucky draw (i.e., raffle) with prizes donated by the local Friends of Ireland. Because it was so packed, and my friend knew the owner, we ended up sitting at his table. As people came in, he would try to stop them to give a raffle ticket. It turned out to be an interesting social experiment - many assumed he was a local trying to pawn/sell them something, some ignored him and kept walking, a good number couldn't believe that the tickets were free and took out their wallets, and one woman actually thought he was trying to give her his bill to pay.

Near the door, people would deposit their helmets on a table. Throughout the night, the table would go through periods of being emptied and replenished of helmets. As we were leaving around midnight, I noticed that they were thinning out. As if crossing a street wasn't a challenge already, it occurred to me that a drunk driver on a scooter somehow had to be more dangerous than one behind the wheel of a car. 

We did end up winning a fishing excursion in the Saigon River, which is the equivalent of fishing off of the Hudson River. It's a toss up as to whether you would catch polluted fish or a dead body. Guess that's the luck of the Irish, mate.

...do as the romans do

Vietnamese do not generally celebrate individual birthdays beyond the first month/year. The older generations usually only refer to their animal sign based on the Vietnamese zodiac, which is similar to the Chinese one. In fact, on Tet (Vietnamese New Year), it is considered everyone's birthday, and people officially add another year on that day. Death anniversaries are the ones that people celebrate and remember the exact dates.

During the mass exodus of the boat people, many only had time to collect family members and a few valuables. Legal records (or family books) were often left behind. However, even for those who managed to remember to grab such documents, the records usually indicated the dates of when the activity (e.g., birth, marriage) were recorded rather than the actual event dates. [For this reason, I have a 'conspiracy theory' about me being adopted or a soldier's love child. => moments that matter (part 3)] In some situations, families were so large that parents had difficulty remembering even the Vietnamese zodiac sign of each child.

Because of that, one of my friends has two birthdays (well, three if you count Tet) - one is her legal one and the other is her true birthdate. They are two years and a month apart. A local tradition is that the birthday person picks up the tab, which is probably a way to discourage people from celebrating birthdays. So today is her birthday, and although she is Vietkieu from Canada, she (well, her husband) paid. The best part is that we get to do it again next month. Like the saying goes, 'when in Rome...'

♀♀girl power♀♀

Today is International Women's Day. In a country where boys are more valued than girls (similar to China), I would not have thought that such a day was recognized. Ironically, I had never heard of this day until now. One would think that in the western world, where there is a perception that women are equals (or at least that's how it is marketed), this would be a big event.

Some retailers offer discounts to women on the day. Flower arrangements are sent to women, whether clients, family members, friends or coworkers. It is similar to Valentine's Day except it is more of an equal opportunity celebration. It is a time to celebrate and appreciate all the women in one's life.

Having dealt with the glass ceiling that many pretend isn't there but in fact never went away in corporate America, I had geared myself up for the full force of the double standard and repression. However, our CEO is female; women have a reputation of being hard workers while men are known as lazy; and more women are in the business sectors while men are in engineering careers. My appetite was whet to see how the day would play out - would it be more of a celebration that women put on for themselves?

Since it is busy season and many of our staff are at client sites, our celebration started with a flower contest on Saturday. While it made sense, I didn't think that there would be much of a turnout other than those that had to come in to work anyways. I was amazed by the turnout - mix of male and female, which included administration, HR, tea ladies, staff and partners. Many came in just for the event. The flowers were donated and some of the teams were led by men. It wasn't just about putting a flower arrangement together, but the teams had to explain their arrangements, theme and inspiration. Some even brought in props to go with their arrangements. While it was a contest with prizes, there were such elaborate and meaningful presentations.

The women received a special card from the CEO today, which included a gift certificate to purchase lingerie (another thing you wouldn't see in the states today given all the political correctness). I temporarily sit with the tax function, and the tax men chipped in and surprised their ladies, including me. Roses were laid out on each woman's desk when she showed up to work. In the afternoon, they gave a nice speech and presentation of sweets, as well as a promise of two gifts for each lady (which somehow got delayed so the special day will be stretched out another day when they receive gifts).

I have been to a number of business meetings. I am constantly surprised by the respect and treatment I get that surpasses what I received in the US. I haven't fully figured out whether this is due to the foreign factor or the fact that the glass ceiling is a bit higher.

me love you long time (part 4)

As expected from the last post, I'm beginning to see a pattern. I went on my first business trip to Hanoi since arriving here. During my taxi ride home in HCMC tonight, I got the typical questions: do you have a family?; are you married?; what do you do?; and how old are you? as well as advice on where to stay to save on rent (at least he didn't add 'so that I can save money to find a husband').

This time the driver was probably in his late 20's/early 30's, and instead of the lecture on getting married and starting a family. I got flowery compliments such as American Viet Kieu's must look younger and more beautiful than the local women. I even got an offer to get free scooter driving lessons, including the gift of his scooter (ummmm, I wonder what he expected in return).

And yes, I got a phone number...he made sure to slip me another piece of paper along with the cab receipt. This will surely make my mother's stress level go up to think that she may have to support him and his family (not sure where she got this crazy idea since she stopped supporting me at the age of 18, including not paying for most of my college). 😌