modern love

I wonder how we will remember this moment in time, sort of like where were you when 9/11 happened. Yet for New Yorkers, it wasn't just one moment but a new normal that changed us forever, perhaps for the better in our kindness, resiliency and compassion.

In the last few months, I have noticed how my YouTube feed/recommendations have been sending me messages from my spirit guides/universe for not just me but for others in my life, which has been very serendipitous in its timing. I have often thought of this blog and whether I should get back to it after pausing for "life drains" and somehow there didn't seem to be lessons or meaningful insights to share until today.

I've never heard of the Modern Love series in The New York Times but it seems as if they have videos and podcasts as its companions. I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked on A Kiss, Deferred. Given our social distancing new normal, touch and intimacy seems so far away especially for someone whose love language includes physical touch and quality time.

While the article was more in depth, the cliffhanger left people wanting. However, I like that the story stops there for people to imagine the possibilities. On both YouTube and The New York Times, the beautiful part was others sharing their stories of lost loves or those beautiful moments that they hold  onto in stressful or sad times. It made me think of Toby (unsent letters (part 1) and moments that matter (part 1)) and him who has inundated this blog (full circle (part 1), the truth shall set you free, and all posts in between).

Toby helped me through childhood, and he has helped me through adulthood.

We were strangers. We would not have recognized each other on the street. Yet we understood something about each other that no one else did or could...

Some of my memories had faded. Others were so vivid I feared I had invented them, but he remembered many of the same things, and just differently enough to make my own memories even more real.

~ Nikolini Kulidzan, The New York Times 7/30/15

I had taken a pause for a period in our lives and in the silence, I am sure he knew why. As a moth to a flame or knowing one's foundation or home, it felt right to have reached out again recently especially during this global pandemic to know that we are not alone and that life is sometimes just deferred.

touchpoint

When you know your journey is bigger than you yet it takes a toll beyond what you thought you could tolerate...the memories and flashes tingle of energy throughout the body to revitalize the soul. My search for simplicity brought complexity. Crossroads...choices...another year down.

synchronicity (part 1)

I have had enough synchronicities in my life to have learned that there are no coincidences. If one is receptive to it, the YOUniverse (e.g., universe/higher power and your higher self) provide signs in these moments to indicate that one is on the right path.

I started a 21-Day Abundance Meditation Challenge by Deepak Chopra last week with a few friends. The first day's exercise was to list 50 people who has influenced me, big or small. For many, it seemed like a daunting task but as they started, names flowed out of them. However for me, I kept getting stuck, perhaps because my standard of 'influential' is high or perhaps because the people who  shaped me were mostly strangers having passing conversations. I had come up with 43 people, of which about half were no-name individuals who came and went but provided me 'food for thought'.

I started my own group as one of the exercises yesterday and shared my struggle with my list. In my Life in the Universe class today, we watched a Neil Degrasse science documentary. In one clip, it flashed a 1953 article with a headline about scientists (i.e., Harold Urey and Stanley Miller) re-creating the primordial conditions that may have created the first amino acids. For some reason, my eyes gravitated towards the byline - Earl Ubell.

One of my many jobs in college in order to pay tuition was as a bookkeeper for the Health and Science Editor of WCBS in NYC. He was always kind and we got into interesting conversations. I ended up Googling the name and lo and behold, according to his Wikipedia page, he became the Science Editor at the New York Herald Tribune in 1953. It turns out he also interviewed Albert Einstein in 1953, and one of his prized possessions was a letter from Einstein congratulating him on the article.

The flash jogged my memory of a time I had mostly forgotten and two influential people in my life, Earl Ubell and his 'late-life' partner, who turned out to be my Human Reproduction professor at NYU. They both showed me kindness and opened my eyes to areas foreign to me, sexuality and new scientific discoveries.

chimera

The Temple is a sacred place within Black Rock City and is said to represent the 'soul' of Burning Man, located at 12 o'clock. It was first constructed in 2000, originally as an art installation that then turned into a commemoration for a fellow burner who helped build the Temple of the Mind and died from a motorcycle accident on the way to Burning Man. Setting it up into flames marks the end of Burning Man, and for many, the end of debilitating aspects of their lives whether certain behaviors, certain people or certain memories or new beginnings with rituals, ceremonies and weddings.

The Temple of Direction was designed by Geordie Van Der Bosch, in collaboration with a number of artists for the lighting and seating arrangements. It represents the passage of life from beginning to middle to end. Some bring offerings, letters and tokens to burn. Even those who are not able to attend the burn, send such offerings and letters to friends and family to leave at the Temple on their behalf. 

During the week, thousands visit the Temple to connect, remember, reflect and renew themselves with loved ones who have left this dimension and/or with others who are there to share love and support each other. While the energy during the burning of the man is electric, the energy from the burning of the Temple has its own magnetic energy of serenity. The silence is as deafening, if not more so than the cheers when the man toppled. The Temple in its position at the top of the clock in deep playa is a stark contrast to the rest of the festivities.

Metamorphosis was the theme for 2019. For many in my circle, 2019 has been a challenge for individuals and relationships in many varying ways.  I have been told that experiences are amplified on the playa. It is a place that makes or breaks relationships, for example. A friend theorized that it is the heat that puts everyone in a heightened state. However, having experienced the energy on the playa, I believe there is an energetic vortex and magic that is embodied from the collective conscience of almost 80,000 individuals, gathered in one place. We did ceremonies to leave behind limiting beliefs and parts of us  or people that no longer served us. It was also at the Temple that friends got engaged.

Some biologists believe in the Death and Resurrection Theory of certain species like caterpillars and butterflies whereby two animals share a DNA molecule but one dies and dissolves within the chrysalis, and the same (imaginal) cells reincarnates into a different animal altogether. Two different sets of genetic instructions, resulting in two different organisms.

The burning of the Temple represents the chrysalis and the death of one life or letting go of things that no longer serve them and reincarnation of a new beginning upon return to the 'default world'. While the first mass exodus is after the man burns, more than half stay to watch their intentions sealed up, never to return and go up in flames...their final forgiveness of self.

"Awakening is not a thing. It is not a goal, not a concept. It is not something to be attained. It is a metamorphosis. If the caterpillar thinks about the butterfly it is to become, saying ‘And then I shall have wings and antennae,’ there will never be a butterfly. The caterpillar must accept its own disappearance in its transformation. When the marvelous butterfly takes wing, nothing of the caterpillar remains."

~ Alejandro Jodorowsky 

rub-a-dub-dub

I would have never thought that my journey in life would have led me to Black Rock City. The couple of burners I had met over the years seemed to exist in another dimension from my life in corporate America. Camping in a remote desert with only the amenities that you bring in and out, leaving no trace, sounded like a miserable experience.

Yet magic can happen in the strangest places, and we have opportunities to learn more about ourselves when pushed into uncomfortableness. It was a year-long manifestation that prepared me with smaller festivals camping in the desert and navigating other burners in the poly communities. My journey led me to the playa...and the playa was waiting to enfold me, befitting its theme for the year of Metamorphoses.

Some of the lessons and experiences seem to sacred to share but as I've learned in full circle (part 6), birthdays are much better shared. Unbeknownst to me, my partner had planned out the day of festivities, which on the playa is a feat in itself since anything and everything unplanned can happen.

Slushies - What can be more refreshing in the desert than slushies for breakfast? Of course, as I was getting too comfortable from the respite, lounging in a chaise in the desert, I was rushed off to the next adventure, despite my feeble protests.

Nuclear Dandelion - Relaxation I asked for? Relaxation I got...at an oasis spa in the middle of the playa. A cold face mask seems a mundane activity at home but in the middle of nowhere, it was a luxury that my skin drank in. The lessons of gratitude became a recurring theme.

Glamour Shoot - With a hydrated face, despite the layers of dust on my body, I was whisked away to a glamour shot at Tickled Mink where we get to showcase our 'burner straight from Mad Max' costumery.

Cup of Joe - Naturally, in celebration of my background...well perhaps more coincidental than not, we made a pitstop to cool down with Vietnamese iced coffee and Thai iced tea.

Birthday Goodies - Of course for my sweet tooth, we stopped by the Black Rock Bakery VICE - Vietnamese iced coffee.

Traveling the playa takes a lot of patience, and traversing to the other side is like traveling to the other side of the world. No ubers, just our feet and our trusty decked out bicycles. Of course, it wasn't our first attempt but ended up being a moment of synchronicity that we encountered a moment of kindness to be ushered in as the last group, not having to navigate any long lines...

Bubble Bath Orgy - The Foam Dome (open secret of course, sponsored by Dr. Bronners) was and experience that cannot be explained. Bodies in its natural glory, undulating to tunes DJ'ed by the best in the festi scene. How best to celebrate a birthday than in my very own birthday suit. I probably wasn't the first, nor will I be the last, but it was fun being a child and having a golden shower moment, as my little secret.

Birthday Treat - Black Rock Bakery was like a siren to my sweet tooth. I got special treats and a surprise birthday song from strangers that were family.

    

 

Bon Apetit - Spoonful of Friends is Black Rock City's attempt at fine dining, hosting 50 people for a taste of French cuisine. Reservations are hard to come by like Michelin restaurants and are oftentimes made in advance of the Burn. We may have been the only few Americans among a sea of international dialects. The food seemed like a minor player in the beautiful connections being made.

Lost in the Deep Abyss of the Dust - Stretching with clouds of dust to No-Man's Land, we ended the night not letting the night end. Chasing Sabo and parties at Camp Q, exploring art installations, taking a moment at the Temple (chimera) to respect experiences of the past that shape us, and releasing any inhibitions to the guide of plant medicine, we lost all sense of time in the magic of the moment.

It may not be my last Burn, but I will never have another first Burn. A day of synchronicities, a day of abundance, a day of loving and kindness ... a dream I never dreamt. I am ME. FREEDOM!