at your service

I have heard a number of people complain about the service here, especially as compared to Western standards. Tipping is not required and in most cases, not expected. There have been instances where 'extras' are added onto a bill, and some use that as a benchmark to determine if they will tip (i.e., the accuracy of the bill).

However, with the prices being generally much lower here (see spoil me rotten), foreigners, primarily tourists as local expats know better, tend to overtip - usually not based on a percentage like in the US but in some cases, the amount of the service if not more. For example, for spa services where a 60 minute hot stone massage can range from VND 70,000 to over VND 1,000,000 depending on the establishment, a percentage tip is drastically different for the same service. So I've been told that one should tip VND 50,000 to VND 100,000 depending on how well one liked the service - so this could result in paying more for tip than the actual service.

I'm all about rewarding individuals commensurate of the services that they provide. However, when tipping is expected, it becomes less of a reward mechanism. In NYC, the rule of thumb for tip is 15% minimum. When we were at a low-end restaurant where the waiter only took our order and never came back to our table to see if we needed anything else (even though we requested other staff members to get him a few times), we felt obligated to give him the 15% although we really wanted to give 10% to give him a message. When he collected the payment, he stood there and counted his 'exactly 15%' tip, and had the balls (yes, balls) to ask us, 'That's it?'

Lately, there have been a few establishments, primarily in the tourist areas, that post tipping 'suggestions'. In one case, it is the example I cited above where the suggested tip is a bit over the price for the service. There are many signs that are put up for 'foreigners,' including those that attach 'foreigner premium'. So when we gave what we thought was representative of the service, the cashier chased after us a bit later to tell us that supposedly the individuals won't take the tip (which is the typical tip my friend had given for years at that establishment) unless it is above the suggested amount, we were shocked and amused. We have a saying in the US - 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'. My friend remarked that 'these damn foreigners are ruining it for the rest of us'.

While I will admit that the general service at restaurants are not at the level of five star restaurants in Western countries, we are also not dining at five star restaurants here. It is generally a more laid back country, and I've never been a fan of the rushiness at meal times so it generally doesn't bother me as much as others. But if there is such bad service, why is it that they know everything about me?

I'm used to being anonymous and many times prefer that. It is a bit freaky for me that I'm getting recognized and 'remembered'. I haven't quite figured out whether this is typical of their service or if I'm standing out somehow. I can see if a 6' blonde in these parts strikes a cord, but physically, I'm one of millions. Yet, usually within a second visit anywhere, a comment is made regarding my prior visit and/or they are addressing me by my name. On my first visit, my facialist commented that I must work in the building because she has seen me. Yesterday, a new person at a salon I have frequented before commented that she saw me there last week with my parents.

I will admit though that this does come in handy when I don't even have to place an order and the coffee lady knows what I want or the people at the pastries stand (even new people that I haven't dealt with before) hands over my order in front of all the 'rude' folks who just cut in front of me without me opening my mouth to order. But this does put a bit of a damper in my usual modus operandi of clandestine dating.

what's your sign?

Next weekend commemorates Liberation Day and International Workers' Day, which means we get a long weekend. While the places to visit here are so vast, being procrastinators practically ensures a local vacation and/or some creativity, as flights are booked months in advance, so we were limited to a few locales, of which one was Cambodia. While getting on a scooter and driving aimlessly would have been an interesting adventure, I was advised that it wouldn't be a good time to start learning. 

Although gambling here is just as big of a vice as any other country, the limited casinos in the country are limited to foreign passport holders in an effort to encourage locals to not gamble their limited income away. However, when there is a will, there's always a way so locals will go the short distance to Cambodia to have their casino fix. With that in mind, we decided to avoid the crazy tourists at the Cambodian casinos and head to Siem Reap for a 'mates weekend' [Aussie English].

Somewhere in passing on recommendations on Siem Reap activities, a comment was made regarding an 'accountant's' personality. For those who make assumptions about me based on categories that I fall into - age, gender, ethnicity, zodiac sign, profession, title, etc. (trifecta), they will tend to be wrong and disappointed. Perhaps because of this conflict between assumption and reality, a number have remarked that I'm a complex person, when ironically, I view myself as pretty simple - what you see is what you get.

There is one category that seems to fit me a bit better - Myers Briggs. While I took it late in life during a management development program, I think it would help people interact and understand others better if this was ingrained earlier, similar to knowing your zodiac sign. There are numerous apps that address this, including one that my company is building. Imagine using that app to help one pick up someone in a bar based on recommendations on how to best interact with a personality type. There's a market there.

My friend ended up taking a quick version of the test, which became a 'things you should know before we travel together' comical exchange, including quoting bits and pieces out of context from various summaries. One blurb reminded me of something a fortune teller here recently told me regarding the shape and size of my lips - when I love, I love passionately but when I'm done with the relationship, I am so done and never look back. There must be some correlation between lips and Myers Briggs.

Once the INTP has committed themself to a relationship, they tend to be very faithful and loyal, and form affectionate attachments which are pure and straight-forward. The INTP has no interest or understanding of game-playing with regards to relationships. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconciliable, they will leave the relationship and not look back.

So the typical accountant is an ESTJ (which many believe George W. Bush falls into this category). Note the number of differences even in the acronyms - so while I always thought that my struggle in my career had to do with either gender or ethnic differences/ceilings, the reality is that I just come from a different mold. The end of the exchange was 'You get compared to Albert Einstein. I get compared to Madonna! That's funny as hell!' He later retorted, 'Does this make me a prima donna?'

Then again, my ex and a number of people, who have known me for years, have likened me to Lisbeth Salander in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (the girl with the dragon tattoo). I will admit Albert Einstein is a huge stretch. 😉

farmer's tan

I'm all about last minute. When the company gave us the option to work Saturday and take off Monday to benefit from the national holiday on Tuesday, I grabbed a couple of swimsuits and headed off to Mui Ne to work on my tan. Supposedly, the distance should equate to perhaps a 1.5 hour drive in the states; however, with the infrastructure in this part of the world, this adventure resulted in a 5-7 hour bus ride. In hindsight, I lucked out on the trip there because I was on the fourth bus - one of the sleeper buses, which means that your seat is practically horizontal.

Mui Ne/Phan Thiet turned out to be Little Russia. We were one of the few Asians vacationing in the town. All the storefronts had Russian signs, with a few entirely in Russian with no Vietnamese translation. It also happens to be a very windy area, so while the waves were fun to play in, we also had to dodge the kite surfers. I was talked out of participating in the activity though due to the strong winds and my light stature, which would turn kite surfing into a hot air balloon ride for me. Check out the air that some of these surfers are getting though...so cool! It is still on my bucket list.

I went with three families, and while they did their thing and I did mine, we did join up for dinner. There were a number of restaurants where we could pick fresh sea creatures and have them prepare them any way we liked. It is amazing the differences in species in different parts of the world. Some looked so foreign that it was a bit daunting for some to try what is typically common seafood.

Lobster

Crab

Shrimp/Crawfish

One of the mothers recounted her discussion with her 8-year old son when he was asking her who was going on the trip with them. She had mentioned auntie so and so and her family, etc. When she got to me, he asked about my family and she noted that I didn't have one yet. His response was that there was only one species that can have children without a husband. We aren't quite sure which species that is, but kids do say the darnedest things. I love the innocence and truthfulness of children before they are taught to lie.

As I mentioned in the prior post, I got burnt. I wasn't lucky enough to be in a sleeper bus on the way back and sitting for 7 hours on a burnt bum was not fun. The other families had booked separately since I had decided last minute to join so they were in a different bus. There are benefits to traveling with mothers as they plan snacks and always have the necessities on hand. Unfortunately, I was always on a different bus.

In Mui Ne, my friends were commenting on how travel conditions have improved over the years, including the facilities at the rest areas. They described what some of the facilities used to be like including squatting over a hole and breathing out of your mouth. Well, it wouldn't be an adventure if I didn't get to experience all this right? Just my luck that while the bus that the families were on returned to the initial rest area with the clean facilities, my bus was routed to a different rest area...with the squatter hole. It at least had a bucket to flush. Water, or what I hope was water, was all over the floors. It was interesting to see how many people walked around those facilities in bare feet as well.

What I did learn from the trip though, especially if not traveling with moms, is to never leave home without...toilet paper!

the quest for snow white

After centuries of working the fields or sea, the country has developed an affinity for light skin. Many view it as a sign of affluence since darker skin would indicate someone who works out in the sun a lot, such as a farmer or street vendor (whereas many in countries like the US view tans as a sign of affluence indicating that the individual could afford to go on a beach vacation). Some of it is practical though because the sun here is more intense given the proximity to the equator, and in certain months, that intensity feels as if one's skin is literally burning.

However, since my arrival, the weather has been high 70s to 90s, yet it is common to see people, mostly women, cover up completely during their commutes to and fro. I get hot just looking at them. There's a whole industry on whitening products (body wash, lotion, makeup, etc.) with marketing campaigns that promote the supposed effectiveness of such products. Because I haven't received my shipment of clothing and household products, I had to break down and purchase local sunscreen. The lowest I could find was spf 45. For a premium, one could even purchase whitening sunscreen.

Sunshine makes me happy. When I look for apartments, one of the things I look for is the abundance of natural light. That request was an odd one for my real estate agent since the request she gets is usually the opposite. It took me awhile to understand that when street vendors are moving me around, it is because they are trying to be considerate rather than downgrading the foreigner to a table without a view. My aunts took me to a street vendor to grab lunch. While it was crowded at the time, it wasn't too crowded that we didn't have seating options. However, they knew my preference for the sun and view to people watch so we sat towards the outer side. As the place cleared out, the owner wanted us to move to a different table. I didn't quite understand all the hubbub at the time. One of my aunts declared 'it's ok, she is not afraid of the sun and loves to tan'. We got a good chuckle later when the street vendor went to other street vendors to show them the 'freak of nature' who liked the sun.

Recently, I had a lunch appointment with a CFO of a booming internet company. It was a lovely restaurant with a glass enclosure and water features. He arrived first and was seated at a corner table. As we were greeting each other, the wait staff was busy moving place settings and drinks to another table. It turns out that as soon as a woman arrived, they assumed that I wouldn't want to be near the glass, and therefore, the sun. Needless to say, we stayed at the original table.

As for the effectiveness of the products...I generally use spf 4 to aggressively tan or spf 15 to moderate. Even factoring in the intensity of the sun, after one day with spf 45, I burned. 'Nuff said!