resfeber

The Sagittarius moon has always infused me with a wanderlust bug. Whether for work or personal, the preparation before a trip is second nature to me, packing right before transportation to the airport, arriving minutes (if not, seconds) before they shut down check-in - rushing but not stressing over potentially missing any flight ... 'there's always another' seems to be my motto (100 days). It is not often that I experience resfeber. 

Art by Carl Paoli

Art by Carl Paoli

CoVID had put a pause on my plans for the next chapter that now appears to be meant to be left unwritten (laying on of hands and synchronicity (part 3)). baby girl was the first time I truly felt the calling to be more grounded (saudade (part 2)). As I focused on being the best puppy mom that I could be over the last months, something unexpected occurred. Akin to a months-long meditative state, I experienced the love and loyalty developed between mistress and pup. A residual connection from the aftermath of synchronicity (part 2) seemed a possibility of laying on of hands on paper that did not translate as well, missing a connection that seemed force. Dabbling in Hinge, even with more purposeful intentions, reiterated the disconnect. Perhaps it was the email noting that the one that I felt most connected was removed for fraudulent activity. 

The universe was clearly guiding me elsewhere, some expected and some unexpected (synchronicity (part 3)). Since close, it's been exciting to channel creativity, bouncing ideas off of each other, as a community taking part in making a clean canvas a loving home, full of colors and vibrancy. A stranger from Instagram who had previously gifted me with some of his creations was kind to share more of his gifts that he felt had more depth for the space, dropping off a tube of varying art pieces in the mail with the destination of Cary, becoming my first package.

A commitment I had made in honor of heart beats had my procrastination kick in for months, despite watching numerous YouTube videos and investing in varying gemstones. As I sat before the colorful gems and bead design board, I knew completing this task was the close of a chapter that I would never re-read again. It was far from perfect - with some knots that had me practice the art of 'letting go' and 'patience' in the creation itself. In the imperfection is love and intention, and because of the heart in it, it became perfection.

"The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away."

~ Pablo Picasso

While Picasso donated almost a thousand works of art to a museum in Barcelona, he had created almost 50,000 pieces during his lifetime. However, Vincent van Gogh, speculated to have only sold one of his pieces, had given away the rest, mostly to pay for room, board and supplies. The chi flowing through the now-empty rooms in Cary, designated with visioning boards, has inspired others to want to paint an original for the space and/or dust off the cobwebs of earlier creations looking for a new home to be loved.

"This is a world that is based on vibrations. And that's confusing to many of our human physical darling friends because you have become so good at interpreting vibrations that you don't even know you're doing it. You interpret vibrations with your eyes so you see. You interpret vibrations with your ears so you hear. You interpret vibrations with your nose so you smell, with your fingers so you feel, with your tongue so you taste. You are veritable vibrational interpreters. 

And the most significant, we're not kidding you, more important even than sight or sound...the most significant translating that you do is with your solar plexus. It's your energy center. It's your emotional center. The emotions that you feel are giving you feedback on your vibrational countenance and that's a very important thing to be aware of because your vibrational countenance equals your point of attraction, and your point of attractions equals your life. It equals every moment of your life. The mix of vibrations within you is what life is."

~ Abraham Hicks

I have been shown the importance of vibrations from my 5-MEO-DMT (blast off), LSD (violet goddess) and QHHT (leap of faith) experiences. Rather than showing me any past or future lives, my Higher Self only showed my energy and vibrations, a reminder of where we start and end.

Since synchronicity (part 3), I have had this stirring in my belly. Kundalini awakening? Excitement of curating community and home? Tapping into creative outlets? Alignment with a life-long manifestation (self-love)? A mixture of all the above and then some? All I know is that it feels so good. I catch myself with a smile on my face for no specific reason. I'm beginning to see that the love that I had been seeking my whole life is here. Perhaps it has always been here but the walls I erected prevented me from 'feeling' it. 

My life purpose was not only to "experience" (synchronicity (part 2)) nor was it to "embody love" - rather it was to be love, and give it away, thereby being loved in return.

"as she let go of adventures
not meant for her, 

she was brought new ones
aligned with her magic."

~ spirit daughter