Truth has no expiration date.
My first relationship (moments that matter (part 6)) was great until it wasn't. At the time, I could not understand why he would self-sabotage it until I learned more about narcissism. While I rarely turn on the television in the morning, that morning the Today Show had a segment on narcissism, which I had not really heard much about until my ex had noted that his father was narcissistic. My angel guide(s) clearly wanted me to learn more about it that morning. However, educating myself led me to be more tolerant and forgiving of his actions, thinking that he just needed to feel safe to be honest.
The reality is that sometimes people just continue to dig that hole of lies rather than letting the ego be vulnerable. In the end, no matter how many times we got together with my hopes that he would finally be honest about his actions, I was never going to get answers, and I allowed myself to get deeper into his environment where his ego lied to himself. I would like to think that I have tried to be honest in all my relationships, but what is truth and the corollary lies are relative as "white lies" and unspoken truths are still lies.
However, part of my experiment with polyamory (full circle (part 2), reclaiming the cunt (part 3), and 22) was because I liked the honesty and communication that would be required for healthy, ethical polyamory to work. The reality is that humans are humans and while "polyamorists" may be able to enter into multiple relationships without feeling guilt, the individuals were no more likely to be honest in other aspects of their lives. I have always believed that the person who is in a relationship is the only person who could potentially "break a trust" and has any obligation to a significant other; however, being the "other person," I have enabled the person in the deception, regardless of the intent of the other person to impact the relationship.
Shattering trust changes relationships; however, truth and forgiveness could strengthen whereas lies and grudges definitely dooms said relationships. While my desire for the truth kept me in that relationship much longer than it should have, I have found that the same desire has been a continuous behavior of mine (22, full circle (part 2), and reclaiming the cunt (part 3)) that has either resulted in my early departure from a potential relationship or in my delayed termination of a relationship with some hope that the eventual truth would strengthen our bond, if I were only to provide a non-judgmental environment for him to feel free to be honest. The latter resulting in only taking me further down a "rabbit hole" of ego and lies.
In processing through when it rains, it pours, it became very clear to me how much I value honesty. While I have forgiven those individuals (to err is human, to forgive, divine), I have also learned not to continue any form of relationships with those who do not choose to live in truth ((wo)man in the mirror). While I have stopped always wanting answers, I have found that when provided (to err is human, to forgive, divine and moments that matter (part 2)) even many years later, the truth does seem to validate and lightens any perceived baggage.
My ex from moments that matter (part 4) wrote me an e-mail (standing taller) approximately six months after I repatriated as part of his recovery but also because he felt he owed me the truth about his unexpected feelings. It did not necessarily change our future as that was not the intent, but it did make us realize how special our relationship was to each other. As for the man from absolution, we made a pact to be honest and trust each other's intent without suspicion, regardless of how we define our relationship, after "a blast from the past" provided clarity on his "inappropriate behavior" from before. I have found that in the last few months, this honesty has been refreshing in its purity.
With that in mind though, it has given me a different perspective on soulmate/twin flame/whatever-you-call-it. I had always felt that he had been honest with me (trifecta). I even understood his actions in 11:11 (part 4); however, what is there to block if living in the truth? I also know, from intuition, that my last time with him (walking tree...new or old roots) was when he was not entirely living in the truth. While my heart will always have space for him, my life does not have room for someone who holds things back. I deserve someone who appreciates me for all of me and who treats me as I treat him, with love and kindness, which includes living in the truth.
Instituting my "free will" (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)), I am breaking my patterns and old templates of rationalizing a person's behavior to live in lies and choosing not to stick around with the hopes of the truth. The man that he is today is not who I would want for a partner in crime. While a part of me is sad of whom he has become, I also know this is the journey he has to take, and hopefully his guardian angel(s) will continue to help him through his "free will". Besides, a true relationship will always be there. A fake one will eventually dissipate into vapor.
My first relationship (moments that matter (part 6)) was great until it wasn't. At the time, I could not understand why he would self-sabotage it until I learned more about narcissism. While I rarely turn on the television in the morning, that morning the Today Show had a segment on narcissism, which I had not really heard much about until my ex had noted that his father was narcissistic. My angel guide(s) clearly wanted me to learn more about it that morning. However, educating myself led me to be more tolerant and forgiving of his actions, thinking that he just needed to feel safe to be honest.
The reality is that sometimes people just continue to dig that hole of lies rather than letting the ego be vulnerable. In the end, no matter how many times we got together with my hopes that he would finally be honest about his actions, I was never going to get answers, and I allowed myself to get deeper into his environment where his ego lied to himself. I would like to think that I have tried to be honest in all my relationships, but what is truth and the corollary lies are relative as "white lies" and unspoken truths are still lies.
However, part of my experiment with polyamory (full circle (part 2), reclaiming the cunt (part 3), and 22) was because I liked the honesty and communication that would be required for healthy, ethical polyamory to work. The reality is that humans are humans and while "polyamorists" may be able to enter into multiple relationships without feeling guilt, the individuals were no more likely to be honest in other aspects of their lives. I have always believed that the person who is in a relationship is the only person who could potentially "break a trust" and has any obligation to a significant other; however, being the "other person," I have enabled the person in the deception, regardless of the intent of the other person to impact the relationship.
Shattering trust changes relationships; however, truth and forgiveness could strengthen whereas lies and grudges definitely dooms said relationships. While my desire for the truth kept me in that relationship much longer than it should have, I have found that the same desire has been a continuous behavior of mine (22, full circle (part 2), and reclaiming the cunt (part 3)) that has either resulted in my early departure from a potential relationship or in my delayed termination of a relationship with some hope that the eventual truth would strengthen our bond, if I were only to provide a non-judgmental environment for him to feel free to be honest. The latter resulting in only taking me further down a "rabbit hole" of ego and lies.
In processing through when it rains, it pours, it became very clear to me how much I value honesty. While I have forgiven those individuals (to err is human, to forgive, divine), I have also learned not to continue any form of relationships with those who do not choose to live in truth ((wo)man in the mirror). While I have stopped always wanting answers, I have found that when provided (to err is human, to forgive, divine and moments that matter (part 2)) even many years later, the truth does seem to validate and lightens any perceived baggage.
My ex from moments that matter (part 4) wrote me an e-mail (standing taller) approximately six months after I repatriated as part of his recovery but also because he felt he owed me the truth about his unexpected feelings. It did not necessarily change our future as that was not the intent, but it did make us realize how special our relationship was to each other. As for the man from absolution, we made a pact to be honest and trust each other's intent without suspicion, regardless of how we define our relationship, after "a blast from the past" provided clarity on his "inappropriate behavior" from before. I have found that in the last few months, this honesty has been refreshing in its purity.
With that in mind though, it has given me a different perspective on soulmate/twin flame/whatever-you-call-it. I had always felt that he had been honest with me (trifecta). I even understood his actions in 11:11 (part 4); however, what is there to block if living in the truth? I also know, from intuition, that my last time with him (walking tree...new or old roots) was when he was not entirely living in the truth. While my heart will always have space for him, my life does not have room for someone who holds things back. I deserve someone who appreciates me for all of me and who treats me as I treat him, with love and kindness, which includes living in the truth.
Instituting my "free will" (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)), I am breaking my patterns and old templates of rationalizing a person's behavior to live in lies and choosing not to stick around with the hopes of the truth. The man that he is today is not who I would want for a partner in crime. While a part of me is sad of whom he has become, I also know this is the journey he has to take, and hopefully his guardian angel(s) will continue to help him through his "free will". Besides, a true relationship will always be there. A fake one will eventually dissipate into vapor.
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