11:11 (part 5)

I am still marinating...but I am slowly coming to the realization that perhaps prayers do get answered, but we may not fully understand what we are actually praying for. As noted in ftale, I had prayed for unconditional love since age 13. However, it was not until December that I had discovered the concept of twin flames and the difference with soulmates. 

A soulmate provides inspiration and positive energy during one's journey, and can be romantic or not, momentary or for stretches including a lifetime. However, a twin flame mirrors our fears until we work them out, and union occurs when both are ready for true unconditional love, letting go of any expectations. While soulmates can have some form of co-dependency, such thing would only repel a twin flame and unconditional love requires interdependency instead.

I am still working through when it rains, it pours, and as it is clearly not coincidental, why these men (and woman) have returned. I have even dabbled with the possibility that perhaps he was a "false twin flame," which helped me to let go and be open in the now to enjoy the present. Yet, waking up this morning to a message from him has me pausing.

Things have not worked out the way we plan, for either of us. However, eight years ago when I thought our journey would go a different way (full circle (part 2)), his took him a different path, resulting in periods for him that were similar to my 20s (code of silence (#sue, #secretsociety123)), including no contact with his father. I did not realize how "obsessive" I had become with wanting him to work through that relationship, as I had thought it would be cathartic for him to forgive his father (like he had with his ex). It was not until he said something in Las Vegas last December that made me realize that I was projecting my experience with my mother onto him.

His message, which was sent at 4:11am my time (11:11pm his time as he was in Melbourne), was that he had finally reached out to his father. It was the first contact in seven years. I have been seeing 11 and repetitive numbers a lot lately, but had intentionally dismissed them as my mind latching onto something because it is more keen on the awareness of such (Carl Jung's synchronicities), but the reality was that I was trying to trick myself into believing that he was a false twin flame. I am so happy for him in taking the bold step, but this also comes with the realization that he is working through his fears, as much as I am, and there is a mirror of the souls. 

So through the lens of innocence from a little girl's prayers for unconditional love comes another opportunity for a reckoning that a higher power has a better plan than we do (unanswered prayers).