I had a sigh of relief when the doc cleared me to go home early this morning after pulling out the vaginal packing and not seeing ongoing bleeding. The pad they had put under me was clean as I got up and got dressed. Since she was on call at the hospital, they had put a hospital bracelet on me in case I had to head to the operating room that she had booked as a default plan.
I had not eaten since lunch yesterday so stopped by Starbucks for a muffin and chai latte on my way home. With those sensitive nerve endings, I knew that there were fluids moving within my body but figured it was just the body's way of cleaning itself. I had not even touched my muffin by the time I realized that the fluid movement seemed unusually high. A quick trip to the bathroom confirmed my fears and after it seemed to stop filling up the toilet, I thought it was safe to change, including topping it off with a fresh pad.
I barely got back into bed before I felt that it had not stopped, realizing that after another toilet full of red and the dripping not stopping, that perhaps doubling up my pads may not be sufficient. I had the foresight to get a change of clothes, and started texting my friend and doc. The lack of blood took its toll and I found myself constantly sitting down to catch my breath waiting for my friend. The doc called me with instructions including calling 911 as my picture to her had her alarmed enough to not wait. As I was laying on the kitchen floor with the door open, there was something surreal about the moment that I could not place.
As 5 EMTs came in, it occurred to me that I had dreamt about this recently. At the time, I had thought it was a very odd visual memory mixed in with an entirely different theme from the dream. Luckily, my friend arrived in time of them getting me into the ambulance to coordinate. I was worried about her relatively new car and had eyed a beach towel downstairs that I was going to grab, but as they switched me to the hospital bed and I saw the bloody gurney, my first thought was that I was glad it wasn't my friend's car. The nurses had difficulty drawing three vials of blood, as the blood seemed to want to flow elsewhere. I did learn that the body can survive on two-thirds of its usual blood volume as they were discussing potential transfusion. I still had the hospital bracelet on from earlier this morning.
As with the oocyte retrieval, I went out like a light, and apparently was not aware of any update from my doc; fortunately, she followed up with a call to remind me. We had dinner plans at Lazy Bear, a fixed menu dinner that you had to purchase tickets a month in advance. I was determined to make it, as it was also a friend's birthday. In the end, I was not allowed to go and order to get rest and be horizontal. Of course, I got chastised by my brother who became my emergency contact and default family doc for not even letting him know that anything was going on. He must have informed my sister, the anesthesiologist, who advised me not to be alone post surgery.
As we had to get replacements for Lazy Bear, since two others did not want to attend if I wasn't going, as it was my event that I really wanted to experience, a few others at work had reached out to check in. I did tell him that I could have used a cuddle yesterday, before today's event. I had sent him kissing my boo-boos. He had made a point that over the years, he did not feel as if I initiated, primarily texting and in life ways rather than transactional texts. While I tend to mirror people's communications style, and had communicated that, I had heard his concerns and had made efforts since returning. We all have our lives, and he's busy acclimating to new team and new job.
I don't often reach out for help - lot of that is based on full circle (part 8). To me, communicating that I wished for a cuddle from him is initiating. Perhaps this is another episode of lost 'n found and as with that gentleman, he initiated and pushed despite my hesitation with the age difference, sometimes people do not know how they would react until experiencing it, which I understand. However, I disclosed to him what happened with the other gentleman, and he still danced the dance. A part of me is disappointed, a part of me knows to focus on my recovery. In the end, I am blessed for my friend who was there for me throughout the day, as well as very kind people who interacted with me today, from the EMTs to nurses to doctors, and my siblings, the doctors. full circle (part 7) serves as a reminder to live in the moment and not fret over a past that cannot be changed.
As we had to get replacements for Lazy Bear, since two others did not want to attend if I wasn't going, as it was my event that I really wanted to experience, a few others at work had reached out to check in. I did tell him that I could have used a cuddle yesterday, before today's event. I had sent him kissing my boo-boos. He had made a point that over the years, he did not feel as if I initiated, primarily texting and in life ways rather than transactional texts. While I tend to mirror people's communications style, and had communicated that, I had heard his concerns and had made efforts since returning. We all have our lives, and he's busy acclimating to new team and new job.
I don't often reach out for help - lot of that is based on full circle (part 8). To me, communicating that I wished for a cuddle from him is initiating. Perhaps this is another episode of lost 'n found and as with that gentleman, he initiated and pushed despite my hesitation with the age difference, sometimes people do not know how they would react until experiencing it, which I understand. However, I disclosed to him what happened with the other gentleman, and he still danced the dance. A part of me is disappointed, a part of me knows to focus on my recovery. In the end, I am blessed for my friend who was there for me throughout the day, as well as very kind people who interacted with me today, from the EMTs to nurses to doctors, and my siblings, the doctors. full circle (part 7) serves as a reminder to live in the moment and not fret over a past that cannot be changed.
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Update September 21, 2017:
It turns out I lost over 3 units of blood (or over 25%). Luckily, I did not need a transfusion but it has made my body anemic and dehydrated, causing weakness, lethargy and headaches. 😔
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Update September 28, 2017:
In an act of kindness, the primary EMT who worked on me texted me today to check up on me. Given the sexual harassment at work (kissing my boo-boos), I initially hesitated to respond, assuming ulterior motives. I am glad I listened to my inner child and responded in kind...Law of Attraction.
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