lost 'n found

A few weeks ago, I realized that (and confirmed with) my "work wife" from pig in mud (part 2) had intentionally steered clear of any serious discussions on her current relationship in fears of jinxing it as in her last relationship, whose demise resulted in a lot of eating binges, Korean dramas, sleepless nights and tears. As I was reminding her how it was a good thing that her last relationship did not work out compared to her current partner, I stopped mid-sentence when I realized that my penchant for keeping my relationships "private" (hide 'n seek) was subconsciously for similar reasons.

I ended up finishing up that conversation and advice that I had intended to bestow to her inside my own head. Over the last few months, I am learning to embrace my emotions, rather than the rational mind, choosing instead to sit with my gut/instincts/inner child. To feel ease or dis-ease. In so doing, while nothing tangible actually occurred, something did not sit right with the man from absolution. In the spirit of our pact (the truth shall set you free), each time I communicated and we discussed these thoughts/feelings, no matter how insignificant they may have seem individually. In aggregate though, I knew it was time to call it.

In the end, it was the unspoken truths (the truth shall set you free) straining to be released. He was not my first 16-year age gap, and I would never limit myself to say he's my last. Unlike moments that matter (part 4), he turned out not to be as progressive as Emmanuel Macron. Apparently, he had been uncomfortable if his friends or roommates found out that he was with a "hot older woman" as it would "complicate" his life. While he claims that he was upfront about it, the only thing he actually communicated was that my place would be more convenient in general because I did not have roommates.

The reality is that nobody was judging him except himself. In so doing, he projected that judgment onto me (reclaiming the cunt (part 3)) as somehow rationalizing to himself that his behavior was somehow "normal" and ethical. Macron blames "misogyny" and "traditional, homogenous" views in society for the negative attention they have received for their relationship compared to POTUS and FLOTUS, who have the same age gap.

"If I had been 20 years older than my wife, nobody would have thought for a single second that I couldn’t be [an intimate partner]. It’s because she is 20 years older than me that lots of people say, ‘This [relationship] can’t be tenable, it can’t be possible.' There is a big problem with the presentation of society and [how they see] the place of women."

~ Emmanuel Macron

Despite many speculating that their marriage would be short-lived when they first tied the knot in 2007, Macron refers to his wife, whom he met when he was 15 years-old, as his intellectual soulmate and confidante. He declared that he would govern more effectively if he is happy, which includes having his Brigitte by his side. While it is hopeful to see a man brave enough to live in his authenticity, it is just as cathartic to listen to the inner child and hear her voice again.