He recently asked me when I mentioned how I get pulled into various friends' drama why I bother. He commented that it is a choice one makes as to whether to get involved or not regardless of someone else pulling you in. I understand where he is coming from based on his recent experience with his ex pulling his friends into their drama. It is a choice, but it is also a choice for those to get involved for positive or negative reasons, as well as to be used in a game between others or to be catalysts for others' growth.
After the recent self destructive stage (see ignorance is bliss and moments that matter (part 2)), I allowed myself to be pulled into others' drama. I lost sight of me during that period. Truth be told, I wanted to get lost, hoping it would numb my pain to focus on others. However, a few friends have made me realize that I have lost ME, and let the timid 13 year-old back in to be emotionally beat down (see full circle (part 1)). I allowed myself to be used rather than to recognize when others have no intention of learning and growing and to walk away from such toxicity. 2017 is my dedication to ME. While I do not intend to neglect others who ask for help, I also will only invest in those that invest in themselves.
The stone skipping series will be reminders to me of this commitment as part of focusing on my passion, kindness and love (walking tree...new or old roots).
She was a bit of a dichotomy when I first met her. She had heard about opportunities to learn and grow in my group and wanted the challenge although she had no previous experience. She personally was shy but a natural leader in the office as she would volunteer to lead social gatherings and groups. Naturally, she did not view herself as a leader.
From a personal perspective, she was constantly in and out of diets. Her body type was average by Vietnamese standards and thin by world standards. Her peers were all talking about dating and marriage, and as a woman in her mid to late 20s, she was passed her prime. She had never dated at that time and had no father figure. Her mother was the world to her, and she was the world to her mother. She had such idealistic views of romance with a knight in shining armor magically showing up to sweep a woman off her feet.
She was driven to do more in life, and recognized her passion to be part of corporate sustainability programs, something completely foreign in a country that pollutes and does not embrace social responsibility.
I used to joke with her that she should do what I did in my 20s and walk around in the nude until she got comfortable with all her jiggly parts. We also discussed how it would probably be healthy for her to move out and be more independent so that her mother would not feel obligated to always prioritize her and therefore, would not live her own life, as they did everything together - two peas in a pod.
It wasn't until the video in stone skipping (part 2) when she informed me that she did walk around naked and will no longer go on diets as she learned to be comfortable in her own skin. After my departure, she moved to Singapore and over time, got herself into courses on sustainability. She also started dating someone, who at the time, I was slightly concerned as he was her immediate supervisor, older and had never really had a relationship either. I had felt that he may be taking advantage of her innocence and his power...regardless, I had suggested that at least she was mindful of the situation, especially since they moved in together within a month of dating.
Last month when I saw her in Singapore, it was inspiring to see the woman before me. She was selected as one of two Global Green Economic ambassadors to travel to Antartica, published in the Singapore Environmental Council newsletter, traveled to parts of the world that I have not had the chance to venture (and brings her mother to some of those trips), and is graduating soon with a job already in place. Her relationship has lasted over two years, and she has realized that despite her views on Prince Charming, her boyfriend has been good for her as he is patient when her temper flares, which is allowing her to work on her self as well. She seems to be more mature than I was in my first relationship which was at an older age. She also noted that it is liberating to not feel rushed to get married.
She has a job lined up to be a sustainability consultant upon graduation, and realizes that it is a stepping stone to her dream of a career in corporate social responsibility, especially now that Singapore mandates sustainability reporting. In less than 5 years of meeting her, she has quickly followed her dreams. Her mother is also free to follow her dreams - she has a boyfriend now as well.
After the recent self destructive stage (see ignorance is bliss and moments that matter (part 2)), I allowed myself to be pulled into others' drama. I lost sight of me during that period. Truth be told, I wanted to get lost, hoping it would numb my pain to focus on others. However, a few friends have made me realize that I have lost ME, and let the timid 13 year-old back in to be emotionally beat down (see full circle (part 1)). I allowed myself to be used rather than to recognize when others have no intention of learning and growing and to walk away from such toxicity. 2017 is my dedication to ME. While I do not intend to neglect others who ask for help, I also will only invest in those that invest in themselves.
The stone skipping series will be reminders to me of this commitment as part of focusing on my passion, kindness and love (walking tree...new or old roots).
* * * * *
She was a bit of a dichotomy when I first met her. She had heard about opportunities to learn and grow in my group and wanted the challenge although she had no previous experience. She personally was shy but a natural leader in the office as she would volunteer to lead social gatherings and groups. Naturally, she did not view herself as a leader.
From a personal perspective, she was constantly in and out of diets. Her body type was average by Vietnamese standards and thin by world standards. Her peers were all talking about dating and marriage, and as a woman in her mid to late 20s, she was passed her prime. She had never dated at that time and had no father figure. Her mother was the world to her, and she was the world to her mother. She had such idealistic views of romance with a knight in shining armor magically showing up to sweep a woman off her feet.
She was driven to do more in life, and recognized her passion to be part of corporate sustainability programs, something completely foreign in a country that pollutes and does not embrace social responsibility.
I used to joke with her that she should do what I did in my 20s and walk around in the nude until she got comfortable with all her jiggly parts. We also discussed how it would probably be healthy for her to move out and be more independent so that her mother would not feel obligated to always prioritize her and therefore, would not live her own life, as they did everything together - two peas in a pod.
It wasn't until the video in stone skipping (part 2) when she informed me that she did walk around naked and will no longer go on diets as she learned to be comfortable in her own skin. After my departure, she moved to Singapore and over time, got herself into courses on sustainability. She also started dating someone, who at the time, I was slightly concerned as he was her immediate supervisor, older and had never really had a relationship either. I had felt that he may be taking advantage of her innocence and his power...regardless, I had suggested that at least she was mindful of the situation, especially since they moved in together within a month of dating.
Last month when I saw her in Singapore, it was inspiring to see the woman before me. She was selected as one of two Global Green Economic ambassadors to travel to Antartica, published in the Singapore Environmental Council newsletter, traveled to parts of the world that I have not had the chance to venture (and brings her mother to some of those trips), and is graduating soon with a job already in place. Her relationship has lasted over two years, and she has realized that despite her views on Prince Charming, her boyfriend has been good for her as he is patient when her temper flares, which is allowing her to work on her self as well. She seems to be more mature than I was in my first relationship which was at an older age. She also noted that it is liberating to not feel rushed to get married.She has a job lined up to be a sustainability consultant upon graduation, and realizes that it is a stepping stone to her dream of a career in corporate social responsibility, especially now that Singapore mandates sustainability reporting. In less than 5 years of meeting her, she has quickly followed her dreams. Her mother is also free to follow her dreams - she has a boyfriend now as well.
I am very blessed to have met her as I have no doubts that she will do great things in her life. She spent our lunch advising me to move to Singapore as she thought it was a great place for my soul and my dichotomy of East and West. Trust me...the irony was not lost on me.
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