During my month in Bali, I traveled mostly with women in their 20s and 30s - all in the fitness industry, with most of them there for an aerialist training. Social media is a primary source of their livelihood, a medium to recruit clients to their OnlyFans or fitness profiles. The best editing apps or filters on Instagram or Tiktok were common topics. I found myself chronicling more of my travel on Instagram this time around, with friends encouraging me to do so as they enjoy keeping tabs on my experiences.
It was interesting to learn the 'tricks of the trade' - the positions, the lighting, the angles, etc. that brings out one's best look. Perhaps at some point it becomes second nature but it seemed a lot of work to me, when it appeared to kill so much time getting the right Instagram photo or video. Everything was 'insta' - insta-weight loss, insta-abs, insta-booty, insta-contouring, insta-teeth whitener, insta-full lips ...
In a world of insecurities, envy and FOMO, conforming to be the 'standard' or 'norm' was a rat race to the bottom of mental health. In Vietnam, I found myself being curious of establishments where I would see a number of people taking pictures as some memento, only to find out that there was nothing special about the place other than it being 'Instagrammable'. The Vibes is a multi-event venue that was designed specifically with this in mind. The atmosphere, the plating, etc. are photo-perfect but the food, drinks and service make it clear that what is reflected in the prices are the photo ops.
BDC (synchronicity (part 2)) would say that he preferred natural beauty yet he would also spend countless hours scrolling through social media or dating apps with FOMO of the illusory women. He had issues with partners, including me, on our wardrobe either not being sexy enough or too sexy. Despite his protests, I knew he had an issue with my age, and as with any of his other 'conquests', I was just a story for him.
Being around the women on the other side of his screen, I found myself intrigued by that world. It was empowering that a woman could make over 100Gs catering to these men's delusions. Men paying to fly some of the OnlyFans women for a 'vacation' and yet somehow telling themselves and others that they don't pay for sex was an 'alternative fact'. He was convinced that when he paid for an OnlyFans person to rate his dick, it somehow was sincere and not canned, primarily because of a reference to a delay in doing so. They laughed and explained to me that it was part of their bag of tricks to add to the delusion.
I did find myself feeling self-conscious with his issue on my age as I was traveling with them. I tried the filters, which (perhaps the universe intervening) didn't work on my Instagram, and the photo edit apps that seemed to just be such time suckers to my being in the moment and experiencing Bali and its people. Clearly practice makes perfect as they seem to be able to do all of that much more efficiently, and I will have to say, the results were sometimes amazing.
I think a healing moment for me though was when new friends (young 20s) were discussing the age of my travel companion who is in her late 30s and struggles with a lot of insecurities including body image. I was torn whether to remain silent or not. In the end, I spoke up, having to reveal my age to provide context and speak on her behalf. In the patriarchal world where men are admired for the 'salt and pepper looks', feminine empowerment should include women supporting each other (spiritual masters) as we are on a continuum of a similar aging cycle. They were humbled and had spoken boldly as they had made the assumption that I was just a bit older than them (early 30s). Age in the end is just a number that for many is used to 'bully' others into their insecurities.
Greta Gerwig's Barbie attempts interlace the zeitgeist of the modern era to redeem the unrealistic standard of perfection that added to the sexist and misogynistic view of women as 'eye-candy'. Having an existential crisis, Barbie enters the real world and somehow learns the importance of inner beauty. Over its six plus decades, Barbie has been revamped with various careers as some inspiration for girls; however, it took 57 years for its body shape to change in 2016. She is still Caucasian (the quest for snow white), despite a majority of the world being Asian. While Ken is just Ken, Barbie still epitomizes the expectation that a woman be 'everything' with stellar look, career woman, silent partner and perfect mother - all at the same time, feeding into the delusions of men like BDC and incels.
Barbie has Barbie learning about self-love and Ken learning self-awareness. While there are debates and cultural wars on this movie, it is more about humanism and the choices we have in life, including empowerment, and the choice of using it from love or from fear, including enabling illusions that keep us from our own truths.
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