squatter's rights

My friends' parents split their time between Rome and Long Island now that they are retired. The father inherited an abandoned apartment in Rome that took years for the government to determine and certify the rightful heir. After putting investing in renovating the place, it is a wonderful place for them as it is conveniently located in the center of Rome within steps of Vatican City.

The apartment was in such disrepair that they had to practically gut everything and move walls and the basic layout. Squatters had used old furniture to burn on the floors of the apartment for heat. It was difficult to imagine what the place looked like prior to their renovation as its high ceilings and vintage shutters made it seem as if the apartment had such character all along.

As I traversed throughout Italy from the South to the North, I was amazed to see so many obviously abandoned homes. I have always loved houses with great bones and character, which explains why I purchased my homes in Houston and San Francisco. While I like certain modern amenities such as upgraded kitchens and bathrooms, it is rare to find high ceilings and the quality wood and materials used in the old days that withstand Mother Nature like earthquakes and hurricanes.

From the outside, I am so curious as to what resides inside these old walls as the external walls has such character that only old European homes have. Similar to California though, Italy has very liberal laws for squatters and renters. In addition, rental income is taxed at 50%. In San Francisco, many landlords may rent but do not invest in upgrade or maintenance of their properties as doing so would also increase property value and the related property taxes that would not be covered by the rental income despite the steep rental fees.

Such policies keep these properties abandoned throughout Italy as owners age and/or move but keep the property in the family rather than renovate to sell. After time, it also becomes fuzzy as to who is the true landowner as was the case with my friends' father.

As I spent more time with my friend during this trip than the entire period over the last 20+ years that I have known him, it occurred to me that like houses, we also require frequent upkeep and maintenance. While he blamed and complained about others and their effect on his confidence, the reality is that he has abandoned himself. He allowed squatters into his home. 

He justifies his negativity by complaining about people criticizing him rather than supporting and providing him advice. While I constantly had to reiterate to him that some of his friends (and family) stopped trying because he would get defensive at any advice they gave, he would try to say the words that someone (I) would want to hear rather than how he actually processed things by continuously noting that he agreed with my observations and was listening and trying to process my advice, but when asked by my 'baby sis' on his life at an attempt to get to know him, his quickly blamed me for all his problems and failures, which he later clarified upon her prompting that he should not care what others think, that everyone says the same thing about him.

At times it seems as if his reality is based on an entirely alternative universe. He oftentimes gets distracted with his phone and walks away social interactions under the guise of business. As we went to his favorite bar one night, he left us for hours as he kept himself busy playing behind the bar. The next day he comments on how it was such a great night hanging out with all my friends and the new friends we made. It left me scratching my head as everyone kept asking where he went all night.

So it came as no surprise when two men who just met him for a few hours at dinner, commented on separate occasions how he comes off as if he is hiding something. One man noted how my friend is either bored or somewhere else in his mind when the man was talking to him as his eyes were vacant to the point that it made the man uncomfortable. The other man also felt as if my friend was hiding something and not trustworthy for the man to invest significant time with him.

While he had other 'friends' coming to visit him while we were in Valdobbiadene, there were many times where I found myself entertaining his friends while he would disappear, again under the guise of business, when I knew otherwise. His alternate universe also had him believing that all his friends were having sex with all his exes as well. Although it should not have surprised me, I was amazed when he told my friends that it was because of him that one of his friends was interested in me in reclaiming the cunt (part 8), when the reality is that it was despite him.

After spending weeks trying to help a 'friend,' it occurred to me that like (wo)man in the mirror, trying to help an owner renovate an abandoned house, when the owner has chosen to abandon it himself and allow squatters to trample all over it, was a complete waste of my time and energy.

* * * * *

One of the bars in town center of Valdobbiadene is Bar Caffè Roma which probably also has the best view of the piazza and people watching festivities. I was shocked to find their restroom taking me into a time warp and for a split second, I was confused as to whether I was back in Southeast Asia. Europe, including Italy, is considered a Western and modern world. It made me wonder how much of Europe, with its old buildings, have not been upgraded and still have squat toilets in its establishments. I ended up walking out as there were no hooks or shelves to keep my personal belongings from sitting on the tiled floor. Truth be told, although it was relatively clean (compared to the ones I have experienced in Southeast Asia) (farmer's tan), I was looking for an excuse to bail as with the prosecco in my belly, it was more likely that I would have tipped over or fallen in. 😳