Sometimes when I travel, I will turn on Tinder and/or OKCupid to pass time and for 'shits & giggles'. I have connected with a few on these apps during their or my travels with whom I continue to stay in touch. However, my social calendar in Italy seems to have kept itself full either with some of my travel companions (with new templates...the party continues) or with locals and new friends that I have met so the apps became moot.
In search for my bliss, my intention is connections with authentic people and letting relationships grow organically, whether for a short or long period in our lives. While a number of my travel companions have pushed to go to places and events in hopes of meeting attractive locals, they seem to lack the realization that the challenges that they may encounter at 'home' in the dating arena have been brought with them to another country. It seems easy to point the finger at others rather than challenging and working through our behaviors and old templates.
They confidently fantasized about some relationship that did not exist, even referring to such persons as their local boyfriend or girlfriend back at the villa. Yet, when the opportunities presented themselves, old templates kicked in. My connecting with new people and exchanging contact information became fodder for everyone as well with their pushing and projecting behaviors that they have fear of doing themselves onto me. In some ways, people tend to live vicariously through me for some reason. More than once, I was told that 'one of us better get laid tonight', when in reality the other person only fantasized about flirting with their 'crush'.
However, the other reality is that they did not mean that person to be me, especially since most of the time, they are busy projecting their behaviors onto me that they do not realize that I treat people with the same level of respect and engagement rather than specifically targeting any particular person to prioritize. Somehow this caused confusion and surprise on their parts when from their perspective, 'things seemed to just be easy for me' rather than it being about 'glass half full, glass half empty' and challenging their own approaches in life.
Negative and judgmental thoughts and comments were released during alcohol induced states with one situation being a group situation where one woman blamed me specifically for her not having sex for many years in the same breath that she stated she doesn't believe in 'meaningless sex'. Unbeknownst to me, prior comments had been made in such a way that two of her close friends became upset with her and another woman and defended me. Both of those close friends also took me aside to apologize for everyone's behaviors, and later after they had sober discussions with each other, the woman did reach out to me to apologize.
Perhaps that experience or perhaps it was a friendship of many years that made me pause in another 'carpe diem' situation when a friend 'sulked' and in his alcohol induced state made what he thought were 'supportive' statements but was laced with bitterness, judgment and negativity. Like the close friends of the woman who called her out on her negative behavior, I did the same with him.
However, he mistakenly viewed my decision as caring about judgmental people as he projected his life decisions of living his life based on fear of judgment onto me. As I had told the others who apologized to me and was afraid I felt hurt by the comments, I told him that I no longer allow judgmental people to phase me. I understand their hurt and projections. I also know me and am happy and proud of who I am, as well as my actions. I address such negativity not from a place of hurt but from a place of hopefully helping others to grow and love themselves.
For a brief moment the next day, I did wonder if my decision had taken me down a path of not getting to have a more intimate connection with someone that intrigued me as his reservedness at a group lunch gave me pause. As we were driving away to head back to the vineyards though and watching him turn around and wave, I smiled as I realized that the connection and intrigue I felt the night before was that in many ways, I see me in him. My behavior that cause confusion and surprise from others was that same reserve he had earlier, in that we both like to keep our intimate moments private, even if that is in getting to know someone from a place of vulnerability.
However, the other reality is that they did not mean that person to be me, especially since most of the time, they are busy projecting their behaviors onto me that they do not realize that I treat people with the same level of respect and engagement rather than specifically targeting any particular person to prioritize. Somehow this caused confusion and surprise on their parts when from their perspective, 'things seemed to just be easy for me' rather than it being about 'glass half full, glass half empty' and challenging their own approaches in life.
Negative and judgmental thoughts and comments were released during alcohol induced states with one situation being a group situation where one woman blamed me specifically for her not having sex for many years in the same breath that she stated she doesn't believe in 'meaningless sex'. Unbeknownst to me, prior comments had been made in such a way that two of her close friends became upset with her and another woman and defended me. Both of those close friends also took me aside to apologize for everyone's behaviors, and later after they had sober discussions with each other, the woman did reach out to me to apologize.
Perhaps that experience or perhaps it was a friendship of many years that made me pause in another 'carpe diem' situation when a friend 'sulked' and in his alcohol induced state made what he thought were 'supportive' statements but was laced with bitterness, judgment and negativity. Like the close friends of the woman who called her out on her negative behavior, I did the same with him.
However, he mistakenly viewed my decision as caring about judgmental people as he projected his life decisions of living his life based on fear of judgment onto me. As I had told the others who apologized to me and was afraid I felt hurt by the comments, I told him that I no longer allow judgmental people to phase me. I understand their hurt and projections. I also know me and am happy and proud of who I am, as well as my actions. I address such negativity not from a place of hurt but from a place of hopefully helping others to grow and love themselves.
For a brief moment the next day, I did wonder if my decision had taken me down a path of not getting to have a more intimate connection with someone that intrigued me as his reservedness at a group lunch gave me pause. As we were driving away to head back to the vineyards though and watching him turn around and wave, I smiled as I realized that the connection and intrigue I felt the night before was that in many ways, I see me in him. My behavior that cause confusion and surprise from others was that same reserve he had earlier, in that we both like to keep our intimate moments private, even if that is in getting to know someone from a place of vulnerability.
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