with new templates...the party continues

As the day was approaching, the trajectory seemed to be pointing to old templates (full circle (part 6)). Yet something always held me back on booking a solo trip to a remote island in Thailand that was probably meant more for couples. A chance encounter with someone on OKCupid, whom I will never meet, reminded me of a bucket list item...visiting Italy under different circumstances than the last (stamp collection).

Following my bliss led me to an amazing villa off the cliffs of the Amalfi Coast with 14 other people, of whom I only knew 3 who had been friends for decades, to celebrate a stranger's 50th birthday. Oddly, circumstances resulted in celebrations of my birthday (day before and day of) surrounded only by new friends and strangers that I had known less than a week but all made me feel like family. While my villa companions kept asking me what I wanted to do on my big day, I was hesitant to take away from the semi-centennial week of the birthday girl.

Almost bringing me to tears of joy, the new friends surprised me with a birthday celebration at the Fire One beach club the day before, with the candled dessert and prosecco popping being brought out by someone who ended up being a bigger part of the birthday celebrations. Thinking it was for someone else, as someone pointed me to turn around, I was amazed to see the entire beach club, with a few even heading towards our table, sing, clap and join in the celebration. Italians lined up to give me double kisses for my birthday.

A smaller group took a smaller boat around the day off, kicking it off with prosecco popping in the Tyrrhenian Sea. Gennaro (or Franchino as the locals call him) showed us the best grottos, waterfalls and swim holes, of which some are only known by the locals. We ended the afternoon at the Fire One beach club again, where the man from the day before showed me a natural piscina that Nature had created in a grotto. As Franchino stated, "If a local offers to show you, you must take him up on it as it is an honor, for the locals do not share their natural wonder to others."

As the other birthday girl exclaimed when we ended the day of my birthday, "If I die today, this is the best day of my life." I will have to agree, the day left me in awe. The night ended with a motorcycle ride with a local through the curvey roads along the cliffs of the Amalfi Coast. With the strength and control in his body as he cornered the turns at a high speed, and the cool breeze and ocean perfume assailing my senses, for a brief moment I closed my eyes and thought, "This is my life!"

naming names

In light of the movement with #GoldOpen to draw attention to people of color in Hollywood with the opening of Crazy Rich Asians, Kelly Marie Tran, a Vietnamese actress who had a leading role in Star Wars: The Last Jedi, wrote an oped today in the NY Times regarding online abusers and racial discrimination that resulted in her deleting her Instagram.

I am not the first person to have grown up this way. This is what it is to grow up as a person of color in a white-dominated world. This is what it is to be a woman in a society that has taught its daughters that we are worthy of love only if we are deemed attractive by its sons. This is the world I grew up in, but not the world I want to leave behind. 

I want to live in a world where children of color don’t spend their entire adolescence wishing to be white. I want to live in a world where women are not subjected to scrutiny for their appearance, or their actions, or their general existence. I want to live in a world where people of all races, religions, socioeconomic classes, sexual orientations, gender identities and abilities are seen as what they have always been: human beings... 

You might know me as Kelly. 

I am the first woman of color to have a leading role in a “Star Wars” movie. 

I am the first Asian woman to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair. 

My real name is Loan. And I am just getting started.

~ Loan (Kelly Marie) Tran 

People often ask me when I introduce myself why I did not take an American name. In high school French class, I had picked the name Anne-Marie. I had thought long and hard when applying for university whether it would be a good time to go by a name that was easier to pronounce and/or remember. I even filled out two versions of a college application with Anne-Marie on one. In my 20s, I sometimes introduced the world to Bambi (core values and full circle (part 8)) but she was more of a nightlife persona.

Although I kept my birth name for personal, university, career, etc., I did Americanize it. When we first came to the U.S., my parents in their FOB accents somehow butchered the pronunciation of my name to be 'Chong'. People from the church that sponsored us and in elementary school would refer to me as such. Of course, my parents had no foresight that 'Chong' would be a basis for childhood bullying. As one can imagine, it became fodder for the derogatory slang 'Ching Chong', which many had posted on Tran's social media accounts. On the first day of second grade when my new teacher was trying to pronounce my name, I decided to change the course of my name and said it phonetically before any of my classmates can chime in with 'Chong'.

There have been two important men in my life who refuse to call me by any other name than the true Vietnamese pronunciation of my name which is neither 'Chong' nor the phonetic version I go by now. Both happen to be white American men. One (moments that matter (part 4)) lived in Vietnam for a few years and learned the language, and the other (bubble of bliss) has lived in Asia for most of his adult life. When I first moved to Vietnam, I will admit that it took me some time to recognize when people were calling my name. As I introduced myself, it was automatic to go by the phonetic pronunciation although I was living in the country that would know the correct way to say my name. 

One of those men was baffled why I allowed people to call me by any other name than the one given to me. Even in mixed crowds, he stubbornly insists on calling me by my true name despite the looks of confusion by others who do not understand that it is my name he is using. Despite my initial embarrassment when he would do this, he is right and in hindsight, was teaching me a valuable lesson on authenticity. It really is not difficult for people to pronounce the 'tr' as 'j' or 'ch', and if a Vietnamese person can learn to say 'Kelly', an American person should be able to learn to say 'Loan'.  

sound healing

SOFAR Sounds started in 2009 in London when a friend invited a few friends to his pad to listen to another friend perform live music. Almost a decade later, this has expanded to 431 cities and is an opportunity for locals and tourists to experience local performers, as well as an opportunity for local performers to share their gifts to the community and expand their following.

The location and the performers are a surprise to those who attend until 24 hours in advance. In certain cities, performances are offered almost every day of the year. My house was built in 1878, and the previous owner had used it as a bed and breakfast, often renting out rooms to Broadway performers who were looking to stay close to the entertainment district of Fillmore yet away from the busy downtown where the theaters that housed the Broadway shows were located. As he passed on the keys to the house, he relayed stories of the guests often hanging out in the front parlors, inviting friends like Carlos Santana, to perform impromptu gigs and sing-a-longs into the wee hours of the evenings.

As the furniture from the staging was removed from the house, I did not have the heart to replace them, and it seemed that with the empty space, it was a great opportunity to get the house back to some of its roots and creativity, providing a venue for performers to share their vibrations and expand their sound healing. The organizer had noted that night that he had not seen such a great set as that night in a very long time, as the three performers (Carolina Story, William Wild and Speakease) were very symbiotic in their sounds, with one traveling as far as Tennessee to grace us with their magic.

* * * * *

Update January 15, 2019:

I found myself committed to hosting a SOFAR Sounds event during a tough moment in my life, and while I had made excuses to not be present during the event, I found myself drawn to the music. I am grateful for The Carrots, Andrew Duhon and Dux for lulling me to its vibrations, drawing me out of my room and reminding me to be in the moment, providing me with the sound healing that my soul needed at the time. 

yellow

I have spent my entire life denying my heritage (full circle (part 4)). Although I was 'banana', I craved to be 'vanilla' for so long. While not my initial plans, my adventure to Vietnam pivoted my life in the most unexpected course.

My friend had me read the Crazy Rich Asian series, and while I was not so excited about the storylines, it seemed to be the latest hype since Joy Luck Club. Another friend had invited me to a pre-screening, and the significance seemed so lost on me. Yet, I would watch on Facebook how numerous pre-screenings were sold out with many waitlisted. Many were buying out theaters to host events, and others were offering to purchase free tickets to those who could not afford the luxury just to support #GoldOpen. 

With an all Asian cast and $30 million budget, it opened with 93% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with a $34 million with a limited opening in the U.S. and Canada, far exceeding the expectations of $18 million. For the first time, I enjoyed the movie much more than the book. One of my favorite scenes which was inserted because of Michelle Yeoh's refusal to portray a villainous tiger mom resonated with me for the symbolism of two strong, independent women who recognized and respected the other for each other's vulnerabilities and sacrifices, and the power that comes from enabling rather than competing with each other. 

Of course, two of my favorite songs were covered in two of my favorite scenes. The movie serves as a reminder of my time in Vietnam and subsequent travels that not all Asians look alike, and there is more diversity in who we are as ethnicities as well as individual persons. We all have our stories but in the end, we are more powerful in supporting each other and being role models for the children who see that all things are possible. Parallel to my discovery during my sexplorations over the last few years, vanilla is boring, and we are all more rich for the different flavors that satisfy our cravings.

* * * * *

Update August 21, 2018:

Dear Chris, Guy, Jonny and Will, 

I know it's a bit strange, but my whole life I've had a complicated relationship with the color yellow. From being called the word in a derogatory way throughout grade school, to watching movies where they called cowardly people yellow, it's always had a negative connotation in my life. That is, until I heard your song. 

For the first time in my life, it described the color in the most beautiful, magical ways I had ever heard: the color of the stars, her skin, the love. It was an incredible image of attraction and aspiration that it made me rethink my own self image. 

I remember seeing the music video in college for the first time on TRL. That oner shot with the sun rising was breathtaking for both my filmmaker and music-loving side. It immediately became an anthem for me and my friends and gave us a new sense of pride we never felt before...(even though it probably wasn't ever your intention). We could reclaim the color for ourselves and it has stuck with me for the majority of my life. 

So the reason I am writing this now, is because I am directing a film for Warner Bros. called CRAZY RICH ASIANS (based on the best selling novel) and it is the first ALL-ASIAN cast for a Hollywood studio film in 25 years. Crazy. We were recently featured on the cover of Entertainment Weekly to commemorate the fact. 

The story is a romantic comedy about a young Asian-American women (played by Constance Wu) from New York coming to terms with her cultural identity while she's visiting her boyfriend's mother (played by Michelle Yeoh) in Singapore. It's a lavish, fun, romantic romp but underneath it all, there's an intimate story of a girl becoming a woman. Learning that she's good enough and deserves the world, no matter what she's been taught or how she's been treated, and ultimately that she can be proud of her mixed heritage. 

The last scene of the movie shows this realization as she heads to the airport to return home a different woman. It's an empowering, emotional march and needs an anthem that lives up and beyond her inner triumph, which is where Yellow comes in. 

It would be such an honor to use your song that gave me so much strength throughout the years, to underscore this final part of our film. And for me personally, it would complete a journey that I've been going through, fighting to make it in the movie business. 

I know as an artist it's always difficult to decide when it's ok to attach your art to someone else's - and I am sure in most instances you are inclined to say no. However, I do believe this project is special. I do believe this is a unique situation in which the first Hollywood studio film, with an All-Asian cast is not playing stereotypes or side-players, but romantic and comedic leads. It will give a whole generation of Asian-Americans, and others, the same sense of pride I got when I heard your song. I know it's recontextualized but I think that's what makes it powerful. I want all of them to have an anthem that makes them feel as beautiful as your words and melody made me feel when I needed it most. 

Your consideration would mean so much to me and our project. 

I can show you the movie if you want to see the context, or talk to you if you have any questions. Thank you for taking the time to listen. 

Much love, 

Jon M. Chu

Source: This Letter the Director of 'Crazy Rich Asians' Wrote to Coldplay Is a Masterpiece of Emotional Intelligence 

sound bath

Over the years, I have tried meditation a few times but it just never stuck. However, different paths have seemed to guide me towards the practice in my journey to bliss. For the last two months, I have made a more concerted effort to get into the routine of daily meditation, with the help of apps starting with guided meditation. In one session, tears flowed down my face, and in the spirit of freeing my mind from thoughts, it was not clear to me whether it was from sadness or happiness.

During this period, I also had a dream that seemed to be the answer to my dreams from ftale, waking me with 'wow' on my lips, my body collapsing from the weight being lifted and happy tears departing my closed lids.

While I have discovered that there are plenty of schools of meditation, as with other aspects of my life, I was open to exploring different experiences. Sound baths are an ancient meditative sound-healing practice based on sonic frequencies from Tibet. The acoustics of Grace Cathedral made the sounds reverberate throughout the walls, floors and ceilings of the structure. I felt so immersed in the vibrations that I could not determine whether the gongs, harps, chimes, triangles, Tibetan singing  bowls, tanpura, didgeridoo, and angelic voices began and ended. 

Time seemed to stand still yet flew at the same time. While I thought I would fall asleep during the hour and a half, I was not prepared for the rush of emotions. My face was soaked and in letting go, my body released any tension or past hurt in the tears. The tears did not seem to be attached to any negative, nor positive, emotions. It just was, in its singularity.

While Karl the fog encircled the city, the air was crisp and sounds were vibrant while leaving the cathedral. With a spring in my step, I also got clarity in also letting go of relationships that no longer served me in a positive way.