seeing white (part 2)

As I was heading to an appointment, I decided to try out Nepalese food from a nearby food stand on a whim. A caucasian American couple were in front of me waiting for their order. At one point, he asked me if this was 'your people food'. Yes, I have used that slang amongst my friends when we joke about our diverse ethnicity, but I have not had a stranger state that matter of factly. 

He then asked the woman behind the counter whether she spoke Filipino. I may not be an expert at geography but Nepal and Philippines is over 4,200 kilometers apart. While both may be in Asia, they are on opposite sides of the continent. It may be innocent enough but in today's political environment and the huge divide we have in regards to race relations, being curious and having a penchant to learn and being pejorative are polar opposites. Words matter.

Perhaps my antennae has been raised recently. Similar to seeing white (part 1), the last time I saw the man from living love last week, it surfaced that his friends were primarily white. In one of our earlier conversations, he had noted how diverse his high school was when I had mentioned how I knew some people who used to or currently live in Portland had felt that it was not such a diverse city. I may have assumed it meant he had diversity in his friends group. He also spent 5 years in Austin and has lived in San Francisco for the last 2 years - two cities where a high percentage is represented by Hispanics and Asians.

While his 'reason' was that he 'inherited' these friends, it would imply that he did not make his own friends, whether at work or through his interactions socially. Not only that, but his friends did not either. In his entire group, only two were from other ethnicities and that is because they were dating two 'white women'. I do not know if that makes him racist or his friends racist, but statistically, that would be a very conscious decision by all involved to be so exclusive. 

Part of the reason why I gravitate towards younger men is because generally they have a healthier attitude in regards to women and minorities (man in the mirror). In my discussions with other exes who have similar profiles as him, they also thought it was very odd these days for anyone to surround themselves with just white friends, especially living in multicultural cities. My 'work wife' also noted how she, as an Asian, is very self conscious about appearing to only have Asian friends and also observes whether other Asians have that behavior before she befriends them. She avoids situations like that.

At some point, we either mirror the people we surround ourselves with or they reflect who we are. Who is this man? He seems the complete opposite of the person I met...the curious, open minded one. This one appears to play life safe and prefer to live in his bubble of white elitists. It would also explain why he doesn't seem to be so knowledgeable or have vast experience when it comes to even alternative lifestyles. Does this rationalize his recent cowardly behavior for fear of any ripples in his bubble? Can someone truly be open minded if one does not appear to 'support' those from different walks of life by including them in one's life? Is this akin to Roy Moore's wife who claimed that they couldn't be racist since they had a Jewish lawyer who happens to be a Messianic Jew (e.g., a practicing Christian)?