face of the girl (part 2)

During the Tudor period, women's sole role was procreation. The church dictated much of the laws of sex, primarily under the premise that women are inferior to men as women are susceptible to the devil and dark forces, given the fall of Eve. Women's bodies ran hot so they were constantly desirous of sex and acts of fornication, so marriage and sex within the marriage was a way to control such desires.

Women were forbidden from having sex during lent, advent, feast or fast days, Easter week, Sundays, Wednesdays, Saturdays, menstruation, pregnancy, 40 days after birth and breast feeding. Missionary position was the best way to conceive a male child and any other position would result in deformities. While women could not show pleasure, an orgasm was necessary for conception, at least the Tudors knew more about the female anatomy then some men in taking it all off. Studies have shown that 70-80% of women fake orgasm, and while 95% of their partners reach climax, over 70% of them did not reciprocate in assisting the women to achieve theirs. Only about 15% of women can achieve orgasm from pure vaginal stimulation. Less than 60% of women achieve orgasm most or every time they have sex. Yet 85% of men believe that their partners had orgasms.

my travel and bedside companions

Up to the nineteenth century, female hysteria was considered a medical disorder, which resulted in the invention of the dildo to help ease the symptoms. While there are physiological reasons why some women have difficulties with orgasms, much of the blockage is mental. Even vaginismus is cured with a combination of physical and sex therapy. I recently met a man who considered chemical castration as his girlfriend of 13 years has vaginismus, resulting in them only having sex once. She stopped going to therapy as it made her "uncomfortable".

The taboo of sex, slut-shaming, societal and religious pressures on women to repress their desires and sensuality and body image issues contribute to women's difficulties with orgasms as well as their lack of exploration and willingness to overcome such hurdles. One of my previous roommates only had orgasms twice in her life, and faked it all the other times. She was constantly worried about how she looked and sounded during sex. She also had Catholic guilt which prevented her from trying masturbation to learn more about her body. In their 30s, my cousin and her friend, both divorcees who had only had one lover each, were not sure what orgasms were, which means they never experienced the pleasure. They also did not know how to masturbate.

Sex education classes, when available, teach women about their anatomy but mostly in the sense of menstruation. It was only when I saw the video on male masturbation that looking at the syllabus made me realize that I missed the class on female masturbation in my Human Reproduction & Development course at university (face of the girl (part 1)). Being a voyeur, I definitely felt stirrings down in my nether regions, but it was not until my mid-20s during a business trip out of town, that I decided to put on a porn and explore.

Perhaps because of my late bloom, I had time for self exploration and self confidence so I have been one of the blessed 15% and 60%. The only time that 15% was a challenge, I naturally took matters into my own hands, literally. I believe that like happiness, we are responsible for our own pleasures. Men have no problems finishing off, either on their own or with their partners' assistance, so ladies, faking it serves nobody, as it leaves the women hanging and their partners with a false sense of security in their sexual prowess rather than learning to understand each other bodies as we are all unique in our wiring. 

I usually ask my partner(s) to show me how he masturbates for that reason. We should be the masters of our own bodies, rather than expect others to be, especially if someone feels as if repression via chemical castration is a symbol of love, rather than golden handcuffs. Giving and getting Cliff Notes is a wonderful shortcut to lots of mutual fun. I have found that communication and vulnerability are critical components of exploration and laughter in the physical realm. To tango or to shag; that is the question. 😉