reclaiming the cunt (part 2)

I chanced upon a working woman in Hong Kong many years ago (don't judge me by the color of my skin) who exuded such confidence and positive energy. Despite living and working in a country where she would be singled out due to racism, she did not let others deter her perspective on life. While I avoided situations and people who would make me feel unwanted (full circle (part 1)), she embraced the challenge full on, simply by applying the art of free will. Even when given the opportunity to frequent such establishments, she chose not to be anywhere that she was not accepted for all of her self by herself.

As mentioned in unanswered prayers, it took me many years to get comfortable in my own skin - some of that was from learning how to beautify myself (e.g., hair, makeup, and clothing) by society's standards, but most of it was from building inner confidence. Beauty standards have not only changed over the years, but are also different by different regions/countries (the quest for snow white). What is considered average size in one country is viewed as thin in another. YouTube videos depict some of these differences.

  

As my body began to develop, the cotton training bras were doing nothing to conceal my nipples, resulting in unwelcomed comments. I hid behind large clothes, which just made me look smaller. I later discovered padded bras, which I could only get once I had the money to make my own lingerie purchases. It wasn't until my return from Vietnam that my mother discovered the size of my nipples, as clearly I inherited them from my paternal lineage. I do catch her periodically staring at them. 😏

I used to purse my lips to "thin" them to avoid what I perceived as negative comments. Now celebrities and thousands of women are getting botox injections for the luscious lips look. My nipples, while still a bit of a nuisance to ensure that others don't think I'm constantly "nipping," have brought me countless amounts of pleasure as I have discovered its erogenous attributes. 

In the last year or so, my mother has randomly commented that unlike most other women, I seem to have gotten more beautiful as I aged (a bit ironic given unanswered prayers). I do not think that it is because I have been on the lucky side of standards changing but rather, like the colored woman in Hong Kong, I no longer am concerned about fitting into society's norms regardless of country. I have recognized a long time ago that I, as is every individual, am a special estate blend and vintage, and fighting nature serves no purpose other than to hurt oneself. Confidence is the only part of beauty that never changes. In working through my fear of feeling 'unwanted,' the Hong Kong stranger has taught me that I have the freedom and power to not allow anyone to take that away!