absolution

It was during my dark period and probably the second person I met during my online dating experience. We are very different, and knew we were just fillers for each other, but at that time, I was just looking for filler, despite pretending otherwise. He is 16 years my junior, tall, dark and handsome who in hindsight reminded me of twin flame/soulmate/whatever-you-want-to-call-it with his post-trader turned software engineer and start up mentality. He was looking for traditional, and I was looking for adventure. It was not meant to be, and did not last long, ending fairly abruptly.

Imagine my surprise when I got a Happy New Year message from him for 2016. When he signed up again for Tinder in the fall, after a break up, he messaged again as he saw my profile and wanted to say hi, possibly grab a drink. We never quite had that drink, but he wished me Happy New Year again for 2017. As I sent a snap to my distribution list for the lunar new year tonight, he sent photos of his trip to Iceland where he just returned with his latest love, who is moving so they ended things amicably with a bucket list trip from her list.

I have always believed that a sign of maturity on both parties is being able to remain friends with those you once loved or cared about. I complimented him on that, since the "one who got away" for him was many years ago, and he had acknowledged that he was not the most mature when that ended. Timing was off for them.

It surprised me to receive the following:

"...it's almost always more complicated with adult relationships. That's one of the things I was gonna bring up if we ever grabbed drinks and caught up, actually -- I don't think ours ended that great last time, was gonna give you my perspective and apologize for handling that poorly. So if we do ever get around to catching up, you can take me up on that conversation or not. :-) But glad we're chatting again, either way."

It took me a while to remember how we ended things as I felt no ill will towards him. Then again, I generally do not hold grudges. I once told a woman (who did not have existing relationships with exes and for different reasons, her sister does not talk to her while she chooses not to talk to her mother) that I never believe that it is ever too late to either make amends and/or at least communicate to people how you feel and/or apologize if sincere. Regardless of their reactions, a person at least chose to not leave things unsaid. I said the same to the person that was part of my toxic relationship over the fall, as he also let the "one" get away because of immaturity and timing, and does not have much of a relationship with his father either.

The past is part of a journey, and experiencing and learning is part of living life, but the present is what defines a person. I am happy for him that he is progressing in his.