1+1+1+1 = 4 = 2+2
In 1998, my friend Jay and I watched Sliding Doors and debated for hours our various views of fate and free will. We closed down a restaurant, bar and coffee shop before landing on my stoop in Greenwich Village. Jay believes that we all have free will, and everything else that happens in our lives is purely coincidence. My view is similar to my view on creationism and evolution, in that, they are not mutually exclusive concepts.
Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) misses a train, which takes us to a parallel universe. In one universe, she catches her boyfriend cheating on her, goes through depression and then rebuilds her life as a strong, independent woman. James, whom she met when she dropped her earring on a lift, serendipitously continues to pop in and out of her life, providing her positive energy and encouragement. They eventually fall in love, and when happily ever after was supposed to kick in, she is killed by a car. In the other universe, she is clueless of her boyfriend's infidelity until the other woman constantly tries to force the issue. She also ends up getting an offer at an international PR firm, and after ending her relationship, the denouement is when the lift opens, she drops her earring and meets James.
Jay interpreted the movie as free will resulted in a short life in one universe and a longer one in the other. My interpretation was that free will just postponed who she was meant to be and experience in that lifetime compared to the other, but fate will eventually push you to a similar result, despite your continued choices, even if they were wrong. Eventually, we both momentarily stopped our debate at around 3:30am. Perhaps it was footsteps that we both heard, but at the same time, we turned our heads to the right. Within a few feet from us was Gwyneth Paltrow and her friend walking by us.
Jay and I never spoke of that moment again until over 10 years later when he disclosed that the incident was one of two situations in his life where he had no explanation.
I've had some odd recurring themes in my life. For example, I've had three different people in three different ways (i.e., birth date, needle/thread over palm, face reading) tell me that I am supposed to have five kids. At this age, I would think that the time has passed for that to be true, except for the option of oocyte cryopreservation.
Last year, my friend's aunt, who supposedly is connected to the spirit world since she hit her head during a fall a few years back, had mentioned that I had a male spirit who had been preventing me from getting married. At the time, it seemed a negative energy as the mononormative world and society believes all people should aspire for marriage. At times, I randomly pick a salon and a hair stylist and give him/her carte blanche. In the spring, I chanced upon a stylist who is an empath. He was explaining how he had to learn to balance his talents with having a normal life. Out of nowhere, he mentioned that a young male spirit was around me. However, he only saw positive energy from the spirit, and speculated after I mentioned the friend's aunt's comment that perhaps the spirit was protecting me from getting married to the wrong people.
During this latest self-destructive stage, I had allowed myself to be disrespected, in the name of experimenting with polyamory. During that time, I did tell the other person that normally I'd walk away from this already but I kept convincing myself that it was worth it to try something new and different, as the status quo did not seem to be working for me in my quest for love. However, there was nothing loving about a toxic relationship filled with gaslighting, that took me back to behaviors from my first relationship (
moments that matter (part 6)).
After the final breakup, I had suspected that something was off. At first, I thought he was self-sabotaging, like the man in the first relationship, rather than dealing with his ego. It made me think that Sophia was not real, and I said as much to him, as she triggered an excuse for him to start an argument, which to me seemed so trivial in the big scheme of things.
However, synchronicity and numerology has me wondering if it isn't fate/my male spirit forcing my hand to get out of a toxic relationship before I had lost who I have become over the years. I did have two friends who also tried to get me to recognize this, around the same time as well as the profiles below.
Immediately after the first breakup, Sydney contacted me the following night, minutes after I re-established my OK Cupid profile. I had wanted to try a triad again, that wasn't so dysfunctional as the first. She said all the right things including that their last relationship lasted five years until their girlfriend got married, and Sydney was in her wedding. She kept in contact with me throughout my South African holiday, and was actively trying to find me a play partner as I had been disappointed that the timing of the breakup prevented me from going to a Halloween masquerade party. I don't like to start things with people until I can be 100% in and so had delayed meeting them until I got back.
When we had decided to get back together for a trial period, Sydney's kik no longer worked. She has not been on OK Cupid since November 3.
Less than a week after our trial period, Sophia reached out to me. Initially, it was not meant to be in context of a triad but she immediately started asking questions about my situation. I had thought that I may have introduced the triad concept but it seems as if she was probing to get it there. She also said all the right things as we had discussed being open to a triad. She also introduced a triad group that we could be part of that sounded like the ideal poly network which was aspirational for both of us. Similar to Sydney, she stayed in contact, checking in on me post breakup as well and was supportive of my trip to meet him in Las Vegas (
moments that matter (part 2)). However, when I got back, her kik also no longer worked, and she has not been on OK Cupid since November 26.
They were both from San Diego, yet split time in San Francisco...enough for it to be something to pursue yet to have an excuse of not being in town. Both only had one picture. I had asked Sophia her reason after being guarded from the Sydney/Doug situation, and she had said that her profile is new and she didn't bother filling everything else out once she met me. Both also have the same picture in kik. Both had sent me other pictures though - Sydney of just herself although I remember thinking that the person didn't look exactly like the one in the couple picture and Sophia of others in the triad poly network.
They both seem to know exactly what to say to "hook" me as I had been very picky in getting into dysfunctional triads. Initially after the final breakup, I had wondered if the guy or his friend was the one who created these profiles to either "test" me, which doesn't make sense in polyamory, or to "trigger" disagreements. However, both kept in contact with me in positive ways upon reflection. They only disappeared after I went weeks without contacting them and after either getting back on trial period or reconnecting with him in Las Vegas after a year apart.
I did think that their names were very similar with the capitalization and poly reference as well. Both are very short profiles and start with "just". Same categories were completed as well regarding age, gender, orientation, etc.
Then I noticed 22...synchronicity.
